Extract from : How to Avoid Kissing Your Parents in Public

Grandad's Lost His Glasses
Grandad's lost his glasses

He thinks they're by his bed

We're far to mean to tell him

That they're perched upon his head.
The World's Most Popular Mother
My mother goes all weird

When friends come round to tea

She's always nicer to the friend

Than she ever is to me
We have to eat at table

We have to wash our hands

And have grown-up conversations

About summer holiday plans
The dog stays in the garden

'case he slobbers on the guest

And mum says something really dumb

Like 'Have you changed your vest?'

Also she puts her phone voice on

The one she thinks sounds nice

The toilet's suddenly the 'loo'

Our house becomes a 'hice'
Before you've finished eating

She'll whisk away your plate

Then get your baby photos out

The ones you really hate
She goes all hip and trendy

Asks them, 'Who're your favourite bands?'

You watch your friend in horror

Become putty in her hands
Before you even know it

Cos they think your mum's so cool

You'll be sitting down to tea

With half the flipping school.