I was thirty years old when the seaplane T.J. Callahan and
I were traveling on crash-landed in the Indian Ocean. T.J.
was sixteen, and three months into remission from
Hodgkin’s
lymphoma. The pilot’s name was Mick, but he
died before we hit the water.
My boyfriend, John, drove me to the airport even
though he was third on my list, below my mom and my
sister Sarah, of the people I wanted to take me. We fought
the crowd, each of us pulling a large, wheeled suitcase,
and I wondered if everyone in Chicago had decided to
fly somewhere that day. When we finally reached the US
Airways
counter, the ticket agent smiled, tagged my luggage,
and handed me a boarding pass.
‘Thank you, Miss Emerson. I’ve checked you all the
way through to Malé. Have a safe trip.’
I slipped the boarding pass into my purse and turned to
say goodbye to John. ‘Thanks for driving me.’
‘I’ll walk with you, Anna.’
‘You don’t have to,’ I said, shaking my head.
He flinched. ‘I want to.’
We shuffled along in silence, following the throng of
slow-moving passengers. At the gate John asked, ‘What’s
he look like?’
‘Skinny and bald.’
I scanned the crowd and smiled when I spotted T.J.
because short brown hair now covered his head. I waved,
and he acknowledged me with a nod while the boy sitting
next to him elbowed him in the ribs.
‘Who’s the other kid?’ John asked.
‘I think it’s his friend, Ben.’
Slouched in their seats, they were dressed in the style
favored by most sixteen-year-old boys: long, baggy athletic
shorts, T-shirts, and untied tennis shoes. A navy blue
backpack sat on the floor at T.J.’s feet.
‘Are you sure this is what you want to do?’ John asked.
He shoved his hands in his back pockets and stared down
at the worn airport carpeting.
Well, one of us has to do something. ‘Yes.’
‘Please don’t make any final decisions until you get
back.’
I didn’t point out the irony in his request. ‘I said I
wouldn’t.’
There was really only one option, though. I just chose
to postpone it until the end of the summer.
John put his arms around my waist and kissed me, several
seconds longer than he should have in such a public
place. Embarrassed, I pulled away. Out of the corner of
my eye, I noticed T.J. and Ben watching it all.
‘I love you,’ he said.
I nodded. ‘I know.’
Resigned, he picked up my carry-on bag and placed the
strap on my shoulder. ‘Have a safe flight. Call me when
you get there.’
‘Okay.’
John left and I watched until the crowd enveloped him,
then smoothed the front of my skirt and walked over to
the boys. They looked down as I approached.
‘Hi, T.J. You look great. Are you ready to go?’
His brown eyes briefly met mine. ‘Yeah, sure.’ He had
gained weight and his face wasn’t as pale. He had braces
on his teeth, which I hadn’t noticed before, and a small
scar on his chin.
‘Hi. I’m Anna,’ I said to the boy sitting next to T.J. ‘You
must be Ben. How was your party?’
He glanced at T.J., confused. ‘Uh, it was okay.’
I pulled out my cell phone and looked at the time. ‘I’ll
be right back, T.J. I want to check on our flight.’
As I walked away I heard Ben say, ‘Dude, your babysitter
is smokin’ hot.’
‘She’s my tutor, asshole.’
The words rolled off me. I taught at a high school and
considered occasional comments from hormone-riddled
boys a fairly benign occupational hazard.
After confirming we were still on schedule, I returned
and sat in the empty chair next to T.J. ‘Did Ben leave?’
‘Yeah. His mom got tired of circling the airport. He
wouldn’t let her come in with us.’
‘Do you want to get something to eat?’
He shook his head. ‘I’m not hungry.’
We sat in awkward silence until it was time to board the
plane. T.J. followed me down the narrow aisle to our first
class seats. ‘Do you want the window?’ I asked.
T.J. shrugged. ‘Sure. Thanks.’
I stepped to the side and waited until he sat down, then
buckled in next to him. He took a portable CD player out
of his backpack and put the headphones on, his subtle
way of letting me know he wasn’t interested in having a
conversation. I pulled a book out of my carry-on bag, the
pilot lifted off, and we left Chicago behind.
Things started to go wrong in Germany. It should have
taken a little over eighteen hours to fly from Chicago to
Malé – the capital city of the Maldives – but we’d fallen
behind schedule after spending the entire day and half
the night at the Frankfurt International Airport waiting
for the airline to re-route us after mechanical problems
and weather delays rendered our original itinerary obsolete.
T.J. and I sat on hard plastic chairs at 3:00 a.m. after
finally being confirmed on the next flight out. He rubbed
his eyes.
I pointed to a row of empty seats. ‘Lie down if you
want.’
‘I’m okay,’ he said, stifling a yawn.
‘We aren’t leaving for several hours. You should try to
sleep.’
‘Aren’t you tired?’
I was exhausted, but T.J. probably needed the rest more
than I did. ‘I’m fine. You go ahead.’
‘Are you sure?’
‘Absolutely.’
‘Okay.’ He smiled faintly. ‘Thanks.’ He stretched out on
the chairs and fell asleep immediately.
I stared out the window and watched the planes land
and take off again, their red lights blinking in the night
sky. The frigid air conditioning raised goose bumps on
my arms, and I shivered in my skirt and sleeveless blouse.
In a nearby restroom, I changed into the jeans and longsleeved
T-shirt I’d packed in my carry-on bag, then bought
a cup of coffee. When I sat back down next to T.J., I
opened my book and read, waking him three hours later
when they called our flight.
There were more delays after we arrived in Sri Lanka –
this time due to a shortage of flight crew – and by the
time we landed at Malé International Airport in the Maldives,
the Callahan’s summer rental still two hours away by
seaplane, I had been awake for thirty hours. My temples
throbbed and my eyes, gritty and aching, burned. When
they said they had no reservation for us, I blinked back
tears.
‘But I have the confirmation number,’ I said to the
ticket agent, sliding the scrap of paper across the counter.
‘I updated our reservation before we left Sri Lanka. Two
seats. T.J. Callahan and Anna Emerson. Will you please
look again?’
The ticket agent checked the computer. ‘I’m sorry,’ he
said. ‘Your names are not on the list. The seaplane is full.’
‘What about the next flight?’
‘It will be dark soon. Seaplanes don’t fly after sunset.’
Noticing my stricken expression, he gave me a sympathetic
look, tapped his keyboard, and picked up the phone.
‘I’ll see what I can do.’
‘Thank you.’
T.J. and I walked to a small gift shop, and I bought two
bottles of water. ‘Do you want one?’
‘No thanks.’
‘Why don’t you put it in your backpack,’ I said, handing
it to him. ‘You might want it later.’
I dug a bottle of Tylenol out of my purse, shook two
into my hand, and swallowed them with some water. We
sat down on a bench, and I called T.J.’s mom, Jane, and
told her not to expect us until morning.
‘There’s a chance they’ll find us a flight, but I don’t
think we’ll get out tonight. The seaplanes don’t fly after
dark so we may have to spend the night at the airport.’
‘I’m sorry, Anna. You must be exhausted,’ she said.
‘It’s okay, really. We’ll be there tomorrow for sure.’ I
covered the phone with my hand. ‘Do you want to talk to
your mom?’ T.J. made a face and shook his head.
I noticed the ticket agent waving at me. He was smiling.
‘Jane, listen I think we might –’ and then my cell phone
dropped the call. I put the phone back in my purse and
approached the counter, holding my breath.
‘One of the charter pilots can fly you to the island,’ the
ticket agent said. ‘The passengers he was supposed to take
are delayed in Sri Lanka and won’t get here until tomorrow
morning.’
I exhaled and smiled. ‘That’s wonderful. Thank you for
finding us a flight. I really appreciate it.’ I tried to call T.J.’s
parents again, but my cell phone roamed without connecting.
Hopefully I’d get a signal when we arrived on the
island. ‘Ready, T.J.?’
‘Yeah,’ he said, grabbing his backpack.
A mini-bus dropped us off at the air taxi terminal.
The agent checked us in at the counter, and we walked
outside.
The Maldives’ climate reminded me of the steam room
at my gym. Immediately, beads of sweat broke out on
my forehead and the back of my neck. My jeans and long-
sleeved T-shirt trapped the hot, humid air against
my skin, and I wished I had changed back into something
cooler.
Is it this sweltering all the time?
An airport employee stood on the dock next to a
seaplane
that bobbed gently on the water’s surface. He
beckoned us. When T.J. and I reached him, he opened the
door and we ducked our heads and boarded the plane.
The pilot was sitting in his seat, and he smiled at us around
a mouthful of cheeseburger.
‘Hi, I’m Mick.’ He finished chewing and swallowed.
‘Hope you don’t mind if I finish my dinner.’ He appeared
to be in his late fifties and was so overweight he barely fit
in the pilot’s seat. He wore cargo shorts and the largest
tie-dye T-shirt I had ever seen. His feet were bare. Sweat
dotted his upper lip and forehead. He ate the last bite of
his cheeseburger and wiped his face with a napkin.
‘I’m Anna and this is T.J.,’ I said, smiling and reaching
out to shake his hand. ‘Of course we don’t mind.’
The Twin Otter DHC-6 seated ten and smelled like airplane
fuel and mildew. T.J. buckled himself in and stared
out the window. I sat down across the aisle from him,
shoved my purse and carry-on under the seat, and rubbed
my eyes. Mick started the engines. The noise drowned out
his voice, but when he turned his head to the side his lips
moved as he communicated with someone on his radio
headset. He motored away from the dock, picked up speed,
and we were airborne.
I cursed my inability to sleep on airplanes. I’d always
envied those who passed out the minute the plane took
off and didn’t wake until the wheels touched down on the runway. I tried to doze, but the sunlight streaming through
the seaplane’s windows, and my confused body clock,
made drifting off impossible. When I gave up and opened
my eyes, I caught T.J. staring at me. If the look on his face
and the heat on mine was any indication, it embarrassed
us both. He turned away, shoved his backpack under his
head and fell asleep a few minutes later.
Restless, I unbuckled my seat belt and went to ask Mick
how long it would be until we landed.
‘Maybe another hour or so.’ He motioned toward the
co-pilot’s seat. ‘Sit down if you want.’
I sat down and buckled my seat belt. Shielding my eyes
against the sun, I took in the breathtaking view. The sky,
cloudless and cobalt above. The Indian Ocean, a swirl of
mint green and turquoise blue below.
Mick rubbed the center of his chest with his fist and
reached for a roll of antacids. He put one in his mouth.
‘Heartburn. That’s what I get for eating cheeseburgers. But
they taste so much better than a damn salad, you know?’
He laughed, and I nodded my head in agreement.
‘So, where are you two from?’
‘Chicago.’
‘What do you do there in Chicago?’ He popped another
antacid into his mouth.
‘I teach tenth-grade English.’
‘Ah, summers off.’
‘Well, not for me. I usually tutor students in the summer.’
I motioned toward T.J. ‘His parents hired me to help
him catch up with his class. He had Hodgkin’s lymphoma
and he missed a lot of school.’
‘I thought you looked way too young to be his mom.’
I smiled. ‘His parents and sisters flew down a few days
ago.’
I wasn’t able to leave as early as the Callahan’s because
the public high school where I taught let out for summer
break a few days later than the private high school T.J.
attended. When T.J. found out, he convinced his parents
to let him stay behind in Chicago for the weekend and fly
down with me instead. Jane Callahan had called to see if it
was all right.
‘His friend Ben is having a party. He really wants to go.
Are you sure you don’t mind?’ she asked.
‘Not at all,’ I said. ‘It will give us a chance to get to
know each other.’
I’d only met T.J. once, when I interviewed with his parents.
It would take a while for him to warm up to me; it
always did when I worked with a new student, especially a
teenage boy.
Mick’s voice interrupted my thoughts. ‘How long are
you staying?’
‘For the summer. They rented a house on the island.’
‘So he’s okay now?’
‘Yes. His parents said he was pretty sick for a while, but
he’s been in remission for a few months.’
‘Nice location for a summer job.’
I grinned. ‘It beats the library.’
We flew in silence for a while. ‘Are there really twelve
hundred islands down there?’ I asked. I’d only counted
three or four, scattered across the water like giant puzzle
pieces. I waited for his answer. ‘Mick?’
‘What? Oh, yes, give or take a few. Only about two hundred
are inhabited, but I expect that to change with all the development going on. There’s a new hotel or resort
opening every month.’ He chuckled. ‘Everybody wants a
piece of paradise.’
Mick rubbed his chest again and took his left arm
off the control yoke, stretching it out in front of him. I
noticed his pained expression and the light sheen of sweat
on his forehead. ‘Are you okay?’
‘I’m fine. I’ve just never had heartburn this bad before.’
He put two more antacids in his mouth and crumpled the
empty wrapper.
An uneasy feeling washed over me. ‘Do you want to
call someone? If you show me how to use the radio I can
call for you.’
‘No, I’ll be fine once these antacids start working.’
He took a deep breath and smiled at me. ‘Thank you,
though.’
He seemed okay for a while, but ten minutes later
he took his right hand off the yoke and rubbed his left
shoulder.
Sweat trickled down the side of his face. His
breathing sounded shallow, and he shifted in his seat as if
he couldn’t find a comfortable position. My uneasy feeling
blossomed into sheer panic.
T.J. woke up. ‘Anna,’ he said, loud enough for me to
hear him over the engines. I turned around. ‘Are we almost
there?’
I unbuckled and went back to sit beside T.J. Not wanting
to shout, I pulled him closer and said, ‘Listen, I’m
pretty sure Mick’s having a heart attack. He has chest pains
and he looks awful, but he’s blaming it on heartburn.’
‘What! Are you serious?’
I nodded. ‘My dad survived a major heart attack last year, so I know what to watch for. I think he’s scared to
admit there’s something wrong.’
‘What about us? Can he still fly the plane?’
‘I don’t know.’
T.J. and I approached the cockpit. Mick had both fists
pressed against his chest and his eyes were closed. His
headset sat askew and his face had taken on a grayish cast.
I crouched down next to his seat, fear rippling through
me. ‘Mick.’ My tone was urgent. ‘We need to call for help.’
He nodded. ‘I’m going to put us down on the water
first and then one of you will have to get on the radio,’ he
gasped, trying to get the words out. ‘Put on life jackets.
They’re in the storage compartment by the door. Then get
in your seats and buckle in.’ He grimaced in pain. ‘Go!’
My heart thundered in my chest and adrenaline flooded
my body. We rushed to the storage compartment and
rifled through it.
‘Why do we have to put on life jackets, Anna? The
plane has floats, right?’
Because he’s afraid he might not get us out of the air in time.
’I don’t know, maybe it’s standard operating procedure.
We’re landing in the middle of the ocean.’ I found the life
jackets wedged between a cylinder-shaped container that
said LIFE RAFT and several blankets. ‘Here,’ I said,
handing one to T.J. and putting mine on. We sat down and
fastened our seatbelts, my hands shaking so badly it took
me two tries.
‘If he loses consciousness I’ll need to start CPR immediately.
You’ll have to figure out the radio, T.J., okay?’
He nodded, his eyes wide. ‘I can do that.’
I gripped the armrests of my seat and watched out the
window, the rolling surface of the ocean growing closer.
But then instead of slowing we picked up speed, descending
at a steep angle. I glanced toward the front of the
plane. Mick was slumped over the yoke, not moving. I
unbuckled my seat belt and lunged into the aisle.
‘Anna,’ T.J. yelled. The hem of my T-shirt slipped
through his grasp.
Before I could reach the cockpit, Mick jerked backward
in his seat, his hands still on the yoke, as a massive spasm
racked his chest. The nose of the plane pulled up sharply
and we hit the water tail-first, skipping erratically across
the waves. The tip of a wing caught the surface and the
plane cartwheeled out of control.
The impact knocked me off my feet, as if someone
had tied a rope around my ankles and yanked it hard.
The sound of shattering glass filled my ears, and I had the
sensation of flying followed by searing pain as the plane
broke apart.
I plunged into the ocean, seawater pouring down my
throat. Completely disoriented, the buoyancy of my life
jacket lifted me slowly upward. My head broke the surface,
and I coughed uncontrollably, trying to get the air in
and the water out.
T.J.! Oh God, where is T.J.?
I pictured him trapped in his seat, unable to get his
seatbelt unbuckled, and I scanned the water frantically,
squinting in the sun and screaming his name. Just when I
thought he had certainly drowned, he surfaced, choking
and sputtering.
I swam toward him, tasting blood, my head throbbing
so hard I thought it might explode. When I reached T.J.,
I grabbed his hand and tried to tell him how happy I was
that he made it, but my words wouldn’t come out right
and I drifted in and out in a hazy fog.
T.J. yelled at me to wake up. I remembered high waves
and swallowing more water and then I remembered nothing
at all.
Chapter 2
T.J
Seawater churned all around me, up my nose, down my
throat, in my eyes. I couldn’t breathe without choking.
Anna swam toward me, crying and bleeding and screaming.
She grabbed my hand and tried to talk, but her words
came out all fucked up, and I couldn’t understand anything
she said. Her head wobbled, and she splashed
face-down in the water. I pulled her up by her hair. ‘Wake
up, Anna, wake up!’ The waves were so high, and I was
afraid we’d get separated, so I shoved my right arm under
the strap of her life jacket and held onto her. I lifted her
face up. ‘Anna. Anna!’ Oh God. Her eyes stayed shut and
she didn’t respond, so I shoved my left arm under the
other strap of her life jacket and leaned back with her
lying on my chest.
The current pulled us away from the wreckage. The
pieces of the plane disappeared below the surface, and it
didn’t take long before there was nothing left. I tried not
to think about Mick strapped in his seat.
I floated, stunned, my heart pounding in my chest. Surrounded
by nothing but rolling waves, I tried to keep our
heads above water and forced myself not to panic.
Will they know we crashed? Were they tracking us on radar?
Maybe not, because no one came.
The sky darkened and the sun went down. Anna mumbled.
I thought she might be waking up, but her body
shook and she puked on me. The waves washed it away,
but she trembled and I pulled her closer, trying to share
body heat. I was cold, too, even though the water had felt
warm right after the crash. There wasn’t any moonlight,
and I could barely see the surface of the water around us,
black now, not blue.
I worried about sharks. I freed one of my arms and put
my hand under Anna’s chin, lifting her head off my chest.
I’d felt something warm just below my neck where her
head rested. Was she still bleeding? I tried to get her to
wake up, but she’d only respond if I shook her face. She
wouldn’t talk, but she’d moan. I didn’t want to hurt her,
but I wanted to know if she was alive. She didn’t move for
a long time, which freaked me out, but then she puked
again and shivered in my arms.
I tried to stay calm, breathing slowly in and out. Handling
the waves was easier floating on my back, and Anna
and I rode them as the current carried us. The seaplanes
wouldn’t fly in the dark, but I was sure they’d send one
when the sun came up. Someone would have to know
we’d crashed by then.
My parents don’t even know we were on that plane.
Hours passed, and I didn’t see any sharks. Maybe they
were there, and I didn’t know it. Exhausted, I dozed for a
while, letting my legs hang down instead of fighting to
keep them near the surface. I tried not to think of the
sharks that might be circling below.
When I shook Anna again, she didn’t respond. I thought
I could feel her chest rising and falling, but I wasn’t sure.
There was a loud splash, and I jerked upright. Anna’s head
fell loosely to the side, and I pulled it back toward me. The
splashing continued, almost like a rhythm. Picturing not
just one shark but five, ten, maybe more, I spun around.
Something jutted out of the water, and it took me a second
to figure out what it was. The splashing was the waves
hitting the reef surrounding an island.
I’d never felt such massive relief in my whole life, not
even when the doctor told us my cancer was gone and the
treatment had finally worked.
The current pulled us closer to the island but we weren’t
heading straight at it. If I didn’t do something, we’d pass
it by.
I couldn’t use my arms because they were still under the
straps of Anna’s life jacket, so I stayed on my back and
kicked my feet. My shoes fell off, but I didn’t care; I should
have taken them off hours ago.
Land was still fifty yards away. Farther off-course than
before, I had no choice but to use one of my arms, and I
sidestroked, dragging Anna’s face through the water.
I lifted my head. We were close. Kicking frantically, my
lungs on fire, I swam as hard I could.
We reached the calm water of the lagoon inside the
reef, but I didn’t stop swimming until my feet touched the
sandy bottom of the ocean floor. I had only enough
energy to drag Anna out of the water and onto the shore
before I collapsed next to her and passed out.
The blazing sun woke me. Stiff and sore, I could only see
out of one of my eyes. I sat up and took off my life jacket,
then looked over at Anna. Her face was swollen and
bruised, and cuts crisscrossed her cheeks and forehead.
She lay still.
My heart hammered in my chest, but I made myself
reach over and touch her neck. Her skin felt warm and
relief washed over me a second time when I felt her pulse
beating under my fingers. She was alive but the only thing
I knew about head injuries was that she probably had one.
What if she never woke up?
I shook her carefully. ‘Anna, can you hear me?’ She
didn’t respond so I shook her again.
I waited for her to open her eyes. They were amazing,
big and dark grayish-blue. They were the first thing I
noticed when I met her. She had come to our apartment to
interview with my parents, and I was embarrassed because
she was beautiful and I was skinny and bald and looked
like shit.
Come on Anna, let me see your eyes.
I shook her harder and it was only when she finally
opened them that I slowly let out the breath I’d been
holding.