Extract from Yes, But is it Good for the Jews? by Jonny Geller
THE MATHEMATICAL FORMULA
Here, for the first time, the secret formula to determine whether something is good or not good for the Jews will be revealed. It must be noted that if an entry is defined as 'not good’ it does not necessarily mean that as such it is bad for the Jews. It is merely not a positive force for Jews. In certain cases, it can simply be Jew-neutral and therefore simply not good and not bad.
Important note
Each category is marked out of 7, the most important number for Jews. According to the Laws of Judology, the determination of how this mark out of 7 is reached can only be disclosed to someone who knows all six orders of Hillel’s Mishna, backwards, and in Cockney rhyming slang. The number 7 is important in many religions, none more so than Judaism. For example:
7 days in the week
7 planetary spheres
7 Wonders of the World
7 fat cows eat 7 thin cows in Pharoahs dream
Moses wore size 7 sandals
7 deadly sins
7 graces
7-year itch
7th month in the Jewish calendar Marks the start of the new year
7 seas
7 dwarfs
7 courses served in an average Jewish Friday-night dinner
The Formula
Anti-Semitic potential (otherwise known as backlash) 1
+ impact on the world 2
x the J-factor 3
= tzurus 4
divided by 7 (the mystical Kabbalistic number) 5
0 - 7: not good for the Jews
7.1 - 7.99: borderline, therefore probably not good for the Jews
8 - 14: good for the Jews
So, for example:
Easter
backlash + impact x j-factor = tzurus divided by kabbala = good / not good
7 + 6.2 x 3.35 = 40.87 divided by 7 = 5.84
Therefore Easter is not good for the Jews.
1 Clearly there is anti-Semitic potential in everything, so this category is hard to evaluate. We have restricted this to mean an open and obvious threat to the Jews. So, violence resulting from the subject will score 7; slight fear of anti-Semitic backlash will score 1. This will be known as 'backlash'.
2 This indicates whether the subject has spawned imitators / imitations or movements outside the orginal impact of their intentions. The effect will be judged by the lasting impact ('lasting' defined as ten years or more) made outside the United Kingdom. This will be known as 'impact'.
3 Defined as any link whatsoever the subject has to Jewish heritage, culture or matrilineal descent, or whether the subject is open about his or her Jewishness or whether subject is known as being particularly 'Jewish'. The higher the grade, the more overt the Jewish identity. We have refused to look back further than seven generations. This will be known as j-factor.
4 ‘Tzurus is Yiddish for troubles, the default position of world Jewry. Tzurus is the effect of backlash potential spread across the world having been increased by Jewish origin. This will be known as 'tzurus'.
5 The mystical Kabbalistic number 7 will be known as 'Kabbalah’.