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Rachel Johnson |
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Rachel Johnson writes for among others, the Daily Telegraph, the Spectator, the Evening Standard and Easy Living. She is married with three children and lives in London. Rachel is the author of Notting Hell and Shire Hell.
Rachel Johnson's hilarious take on life as a yummy mummy in West London and on Exmoor has been making her newspaper readers chortle for the last couple of years, here Rachel tells us more about herself.
Who or what always puts a smile on your face?
I don’t think I smile enough – passers by are always telling me to cheer up and as for builders, they invariably tell me it will never happen – but seeing my children and dog Coco always raises a faint grin. I enjoy seeing Coco stalk squirrels in Hyde Park. The children have a theory that when she is being watched she acts all brave and chases them as if she means to bite their heads off, but when no-one’s looking she gives them a wide berth in case they chase her. I love arriving at our house in Somerset after four hours on the motorway, and can remain blissed out for at least an hour until my usual bad mood settles over me. My brother Leo (a filmmaker) is the most mortally funny person alive and particularly enjoys reducing everyone to helpless giggles in situations that demand grave seriousness such as Latin grace at High Table or having to listen to someone recite the Lord’s Prayer in a clicking African dialect.
I love Paul Merton and HIGNFY and Rory Bremner, too. They make me laugh.
What are you reading at the moment?
I am reading my brother Boris’ debut novel 72 Virgins and anything and everything from Persephone Books.
Which author do you most admire?
Tolstoy for all the obvious reasons.
What’s your earliest memory?
Standing on a chair with my older brother in the kitchen in my grandparents house in St Johns Wood and seeing my mother and father pull up in a car and then open the passenger door and bring out my newborn baby brother Leo in a basket.
What is your greatest fear?
Anything seriously bad happening to my children.
How would you like to be remembered?
With pleasure.
Have you even done something you’ve really regretted?
No
How do you spoil yourself?
By allowing myself to be lazy over lattes.
What’s your favourite word/book?
I Capture the Castle by Dodie Smith. I read it once a year.
Who do you turn to in a crisis?
My mother and husband.
What makes you angry?
Pomposity, meanness and gratuitous cruelty, especially when directed by the rich and powerful towards smaller fry.
Have you ever had any other jobs apart from writing?
I was a checkout girl in M&S and a policy planner in the Foreign Office and a broadcaster on Radio 4.
Are you in love?
Of course.
What’s your worst vice?
Don’t have any worth bragging about. Oh alright – I fancy lots of men. Can’t help it.
What are you proudest of?
My children.
Where do you write?
Anywhere. I don’t even have a desk at home because my husband colonises all available space. It’s a territorial thing. I’m writing this at the kitchen table.
Where’s your favourite city?
London.
When was the last time you cried?
Yesterday.
One wish; what would it be?
For my mother not to have Parkinsons Disease.
Did you enjoy school?
Loved it, especially my prep school Ashdown House, and being expelled from Bryanston for my 'attitude.'
What's your worst habit?
Pulling out my crinkliest hairs (from my head, OK)
Have you ever broken the law?
Yes.
What quality would you most like to have?
Patience.
If you could swap a physical attribute with someone else, what would it be and who would you swap it with?
I would like to have a sticky-out bottom like Naomi Campbell and her legs too please.
Have you got a party trick?
No. I’m hopeless at telling jokes. Oh yes – I challenge guests to a hair fight, where we both pull out a hair and cross hairs see whose breaks first.
Do you have any nicknames?
Yes. I am called Rake.
Do you have any unfulfilled ambitions?
Yes. To have a fourth child and present a radio programme and eliminate the roll of flab around my middle.
What's in your handbag/bag at the moment?
A filofax, a mobile, a CD rom with some chapters of a book I’m writing on it, keys, wallet, no makeup (don’t wear any).
What makes you mad!
The fact that I never leave enough time for things and can arrive late for people, which is a passive aggressive way of being rude.
