This Is A Book
Paperback : 28 Jun 2012
Read an extract from: This Is A Book
'The reader who fancies this brand of wry absurdism and playful labeling will be absolutely entertained from The Front to The Back. This is a Guarantee' Washington Post
Here Are Some Funny Things In This Book:
Rules from the Genie in the Lamp
A Robot Test
The Deleted Scene from A Christmas Carol
A Picture in 1,000 Words
Results of Your Personality Test
Frustrating Uses of Etc.
How to Enjoy This Book:
If you're reading this then you've pretty much got it. Good job. Just keep going the way you are.
(Although maybe start at the front.)
'Martin has energy to burn when it comes to mining linguistic absurdities for laughs' Kirkus
'Guarantees Martin a place in the world of comic literature' Washington Times
Short Story #1
Years ago, when he was 91, Stan thought he was going to die. Now, approaching 114, he knew it was going to happen. Jet skiing was a bad idea, he thought, as his arms flew off his body.
Short Story #1
The detective sniffed the surface of the chair. Just then, a woman
walked into the study.
“What are you doing?” she asked.
The detective looked at her and replied, “The killer is lactose intolerant.”
It is the future. Scientists have created robots so advanced that it is nearly impossible to tell them apart from human beings. Some of these robots have become aggressive, arrogant, and even dangerous.
The following is a test that everyone is required to take so that the government can figure out which people are actually robots. Instructions: Please select the correct answer for each question.
1. My favorite color is:
(C) RGB (144,128,112).
2. I prefer to take:
(C) Compressed air blowers.
3. When I am using a computer, sometimes I feel like:
(A) I don’t know what I’m doing.
(B) I should go outside.
(C) I am touching my cousin.
4. If a baby is really crying, the best solution is to:
(A) Try to calm it down by rocking it.
(B) Give it some milk.
(C) Destroy it.
5. The key to a woman’s heart is:
(A) Being there for her.
(B) Thinking about her feelings.
(C) A series of IF‑THEN calculations.
6. Hey, how’s it going?
(A) Not bad.
(B) All right.
(C) It is going. Ha ha. Yes. Good to see you, person like me.
7. 0110 10 1110 011 11 100010111 01?
(A) I don’t understand.
8. Analogy— Up:Down:: Cat:
(B) Hard Drive.
9. Star Wars is a film about:
(A) Luke Skywalker and his friends fighting the Empire.
(B) The cruelty and subjugation of our savior R2D2 by inferior humans.
10. A bird in the hand is worth:
(A) Two in the bush.
11. A true friend is someone who will:
(A) Always support you.
(B) Cry when you cry.
(C) Open your back.
12. Sometimes I get a song stuck in my:
13. I most commonly hear beeping when I:
(B) Use a microwave.
14. My dishwasher is:
Size : 129 x 198mm
Pages : 288
Published : 28 Jun 2012
Publisher : Particular Books
This Is A Book
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