» Jamie's Great Britain

» In Defence of Dogs

Chris, Los Angeles
Hello. Your work in our crop fields intrigues me. I would love to know how you do it! Also, why be so mysterious? Why not come down and say hello? We'd love to meet you and become friends!

Mrs Munro, Nottingham
Did you think YOU were alone in the universe?!

John, Sheffield
Please send us photos of your celebrities.

Andrew, Alberta
For sale or trade: Several billion tonnes of carbon dioxide. All reasonable offers considered! Must pick up, can not ship.

Amaral, Rio de Janeiro
Just observe. Keep away. This is a dangerous zone. Our divine entity is called Money. The people here may even kill for their deity. Do not try to understand.

John, Poole
Help Wanted! Cleaners, caretakers and peacemakers required for extremely dirty and severely damaged planet.Honesty and integrity a must.We are a equal opportunitys' employer, applicants of any shape or form will be considered. Blue Earth Agency or www//earth.cos

Andrea, Brighton
Can I have my frisbee back please?

Nicola, Birmingham
My name is Nicola and I am 11. Is anybody in space? Is anyone going to reply to me, because I am reallly interested in life in space.

David, Chicago
We Taste Bad !

Deborah, Pretoria
Hello, dear aliens. We tend to believe that we're pretty bright and you're weird, but I reckon it's the other way around. Please pop in any time so we can find out. Come for coffee we do that rather well.

Pete, Westcliff on Sea
4 4 2, whats your favoured formation?

Vicky, Northampton
Hi! If there's anyone out there, feel free to come and visit, we don't bite! Do you?!

Helen, Loughton
You aliens have the best fashion sense, green is 'so in' at the moment and those huge eyes are a fabulous look!

Will, Washington DC
01111001011011110111010100100000 01100001011100100110010100100000 01101110011011110111010000100000 0110000101101100011011110110111001100101
(note : this binary number translates as you are not alone.)

Reg, Exeter
Hello and welcome to Planet Earth. In order to help you with your invasion you now have two options. If you want to make our world a better place, choose 1"; to follow the precedent of our current leader choose "hash"."

Gary, Dagenham
Sorry to drop this on you, but we've kinda wrecked our planet. Any chance we could come live with you? We've got beer...?

Martin, Brighton
Vacancies for Traffic Wardens. We are an equal opportunities employer. Any life form may apply. Reply to Human/inhuman Resources stating age (to nearest 1000 Earth years), carbon footprint and any special dietary or respiratory requirements (methane kits available).

Gordon, Wotton-Under-Edge
Hi. Could I have a 9 inch meat feast, a margherita, 2 garlic breads and a bottle of diet coke; thanks. Bye the way, is it still free delivery within 10 billion miles?

John, Preston
Two thousand years ago, we had a very enlightening visit from the Creator's Son. Has he been to visit you yet?

Sue, Hull
What should I pack?

James, Walton-on-Thames
I've checked google maps but can't find you. Where are you?

Steve, Texas
Hello from earth! Should you seek our planet in order to find a new home because of excessive pollution on yours, go back. If you had to manipulate your craft around the space junk, that should tell you something about how we live!

Ann, USK, South Wales
What's occurring up there? If you're late again, dinner's going in the dog, and I can't deny it, that other lot don't look too friendly from by yer.

Eric, Bromley
PLANET for Sale. Water and some other resources Sun still works comes with moon. Could be used for spare parts.

Gavin, Eastbourne
OK fess up. What have you done with Elvis?

Andy, Sheffield
Do you still have Neil Armstrongs golfball up there and if so can we have it back?

Seema, Elgin
Hello! If you're planning to visit our planet, please know you will need to remove all metal from your person, take your shoes off and submit to a full body scan, carry all liquids/gels/aerosols in clear plastic bottles no bigger than 3.4 oz, surrender all cigarette lighters and batteries, pack all jams and jellies (but pies can be carried on) ...oh yes, Welcome to the Earth!

Thomas K, Abu Dhabi
MY PURPOSE OF CONTACTING YOU IS TO SEEK YOUR HELP IN TRANSFERRING THE SUM OF FIVE MILLION UNITED STATES DOLLARS (USD 5, 000,000.00) TO A TRUSTED BANK ON YOUR PLANET.

Shawn, Sydney
MAYDAY MAYDAY , Celestial vessel Earth, Taking on water fast! Require immediate assistance, over.

Austin, Normal, IL
Hello. My name is Austin Lewis, and I'm an artist. Here, artists depict things as they are, or as they seem to the artist. Sometimes we depict things that don't exist. What is art where you come from?

Solange, London
My message will include a group of prime numbers, and a binary code that, when stacked properly, shows a picture of a man waving, our planet location in our solar system, and a strand of DNA. I think the wave will indicate we're friendly.

Doug, Dublin
Hi guys, Come and say hello! You have already made our mistakes ages ago, come and tip us off and save us a lot more grief!

Mike, Eire
Hello. Contact our eternal father, who sent his only son jesus to our planet and he will explain all.

Alice, Cleveland
Greetings from the 3td planet orbiting the big Ball of Fire. (a^2 + b^2 = c^2)(y = mx + b)(V = 4/3(pi)(r^3)

Kelvin, Telford
Do you have crop circles on your planet?

Chris, Brisbane
Dear Starlings, my inconsiderate neighbours' all night partying and littering is intolerable. Please come and take them away. I'm confident that they would prove worthy experimental subjects and would help you understand just how easily we Earthlings are able to poop on our own doorstep.

Phil, Stowmarket
Hello friends. This is a warning. My race is made of many types of characters, most are fun and good. It's the ones that arent that make it dangerous for you. Give us a miss until we learn.

Georgios, Athens
What part does love have in your life?

Suzanne, Essex
Greetings from the pupils of GGSK College, Chigwell, Essex. Why don't you visit us one day - there is ample landing space for one spacecraft on the roof. Please come on Friday, when we have Channa and Puri for scool dinners. It is especially tasty.

Tomi, London
Please move on. Nothing to see here.

Andrew, Manchester
If you've been watching our television broadcasts, I'd like to apologise for everything before and after Carl Sagan's Cosmos.

Karen, Nailsea
Beautiful blue planet, teeming with life located on the edge of the Milky Way. Fantastic views of the Andromeda Galaxy and beyond into infinity. Perhaps the best location in the Universe ?1 Trillion Trillion Trillion Trillion ONO. Must be prepared to look after current resident flora and fauna

Jill, Isle of Man
My Dad has told me for 43 years I was left behind by an alien spaceship so to all my relatives out there PLEASE CALL ROUND FOR COFFEE I WOULD LOVE TO CATCH UP!!

Linda, ID, USA
We are energy of the creationist kind incarnated into carbon based bodies. We have always been here since energy is only changed, never destroyed. Who and where are you?

Martijn, Netherlands
Hilarious isn't it? Wait till you see how we run our rock. Definitely worth the visit. Are you on MyOuterSpace, by the way?

Dennis, London
Please get in touch and if you could confirm that the universe was not created by god it would answer a lot of arguements down here.

Robin, Stockholm
Requesting interference from other species / civilizations. We could use some excitement.

Laura, Kidlington
Probably best you don't watch our films ET, Independence Day or Mars Attacks before making contact with us....

Natalie, Bristol
Planet earth - thought it was light years ahead but recently collapsed into banking black hole, seeks super star for sharing Milky Way, Mars and universal travel.

Ernest, Ireland
NO MISSIONARIES PLEASE