Gervase Phinn's fond memoirs of life as a school inspector have shown his native Yorkshire in a new and often hilarious light. Penguin have published Phinn's four Dales books, and in The School Inspector Calls he reveals how even a jaded professional can be left speechless by straight-talking children.

I lifted the great grey iron knocker in the shape of a ram's head and let it fall again with an equally heavy echoing thud. I head slow footsteps and a few seconds later the door was opened by a lean, stooping man with a grey frizzy mass of wire-wool and a most pallid complexion. The figure looked as if he had survived the Electric Chair.

'Yes.'

'Mr Lapping?'

'Yes.'

'I think you were expecting me.'

'Was I?'

'Yes, I wrote you a letter.'

'Did you?'

'Yes. I said I would be calling this afternoon.'

'Did you?'

'Yes I did!' I replied in an exasperated voice and getting rather tired of this verbal badinage.

'My name is Phinn.'

'Are you the man who does the guttering repairs?'

'No I am not!' I replied sharply. 'I am the man who does the school inspections.'

'Oh.'

'I am the newly-appointed County Inspector of Schools for this area.'

'Are you indeed?'

'And I'm making a number of initial visits to all the schools in this part of the country. Yours is one of the first schools I have on my list.'

'Is it indeed? I am most flattered.'

'Do you remember, Mr Lapping? I wrote earlier last week saying I would be calling today?'

The tall figure scratched the growth of frizzy hair but remained in the doorway, showing no sign of letting me enter the building. 'I do remember receiving a letter now I come to think of it,' he said. 'Official looking, in a brown envelope. Yes, I believe I did receive something of the sort. Actually, I've been so very busy that I have not got round to dealing with all the mail. I'm a teaching headteacher you see and I have to deal with letters and such when I can.' Then he glanced at his watch. 'But you are a little late for visiting, the children go home at three thirty and it's getting on for half past four.'

'Yes, I'm sorry about the delay. I had some difficulty finding the school.'

'Most people do.' Replied the Headteacher, smiling and nodding sagely.

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If you like this book, you may also like these:

A Taste of the Unexpected - Roald Dahl
Letters from Four Seasons - Alistair Cooke
Jeeves and the Impending Doom - P.G. Wodehouse