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 April 2008 Much happens! Book is published! The North is the new West! My unphotogenicness hits a new low! My picture banned in several countries! Very busy month what with the book being published. 9.4.08 First important event of the month! The North being the new West! I speak of Northern Ireland and the tourist board are welcome to my slogan, free and gratis (which mean the same thing, but however.) Yes, you know how everyone raves quite rightly about the West of Ireland and Galway and Kerry and all the rest of it (personally my favourite is Clare) and how no-one raves about the North? Well, let me tell you something interesting and sad. In a recent survey, Dubliners were asked which city was furthest away from them, Cork, Galway or Belfast? And the vast majority said Belfast, even though it is in fact the nearest. You see, it's very odd having 6 counties of Ireland owned and ruled by another country and I think the results of this survey shows that the pain of that means that as a nation, the republic just went into denial and pretended it wasn't happening, that the 6 counties weren't actually there at all. Apart from a few short (day) trips to Belfast I've hardly been to the North at all but it's now being touted as a holiday destination and I can see why. Not only does it have the beautiful landscapes but it is very unspoiled, because a) there was no point in developing a place that most people wouldn't visit b) the focus of the residents have been on other matters for the past 40 years. So as part of our ongoing nomadic lifestyle Himself and I gave my parents a few days break from us and we went to Newcastle in County Down, where in the words of the song 'The mountains of Mourne sweep down to the sea.' And they did! Sweep down, that is! The scenery was stunning. As soon as we left the Newry road, it was like going back in time. Lambs in the fields, a mad windy road, dry stone walls, a peculiar 1950s style bus. And we stayed in this lovely hotel, the Slieve Donard, which is the fabulous red-bricked Victorian Gothic pile (I LOVE anything Gothic) but it's recently had a 50m refurbishment (squids, not yoyos, so that's a LOT) so it's all gothicky on the outside but all beautiful and modern and plasma-tellied within. We were on the 4th floor, which had the most magnificent view of the sea and the mountains. And they have the most IMPRESSIVE Espa spa. I know this sounds unkind but the truth is that in general spas in Ireland tend towards the shit, they are often inefficient and have atrocious sound-proofing and therapists who smell of fags, who like to use up your lovely time telling you about what a f**khead their boyfriend is, so this came as an astonishing and very pleasant surprise. Dark wenge-wooded hushed corridors with moody floor lighting and beautiful smells wafting everywhere and charming therapists and huge treatment rooms with heated beds that automatically lift under your knees to support your lower back. You even get to choose the COLOUR of the light - yes! (I chose orange, which I was surprised by, I am not an orange person.) I had the most relaxing facial and afterwards I was led to (I think it was called) the Heat Suite, which has a steam room and a sauna and - best of all - a pool with jets so powerful they'd knock you off your feet. The pool has trance-inducing views of the sky and I just lay there in the heated, frothy water and watched the clouds float past and had a great time. It is a world class spa, honest to God. Then I got dressed and went downstairs and ate my head off in the lovely restaurant. Here's a link if you are interested.  12.4.08 We were very reluctant to return to Dublin but we had to because I had a thousand interviews to do and I got terrible aches in my cheeks, a build-up of lactic acid from all the smiling for all the photos. Saw Colin Farrell in the Dylan hotel. He looked v thin, god love him. 13.4.08 Go to London and do thousands more interviews. Face in agony. 21.4.08 Record Loose Women. Meet Chris de Burgh. A living legend! 22.4.08 Highlight of week! Paul O'Grady show - but he is sick! What a shame! I love, love, love him. AnneMarie, Suzanne, Rhiannon my publicist and Himself accompany me and crowd into my dressing room (I never usually get given my own dressing room) which is filled with fruit and flowers and buns. My top is ferried away and ironed. This star treatment goes to all our heads and we get terribly overexcited and 'demand' diet coke, then an unseemly scuffle breaks out over who gets to keep the free Nodding Buster. Interview goes well (Melanie Sykes is standing in for Paul, she is great.) Meet Shaggy. A complete RIDE. Afterwards, still caught up in the excitement, me, Suzanne, AnneMarie and Rhiannon try to kidnap him and bring him back to the dressing room and are baffled and disappointed when he has to run off. We strip the dressing room bare before we leave, almost attempting to unfasten the door handle and slip it into a plastic bag. 
24.4.08My apologies for those who may have seen my picture in today's Express, I'm sure it knocked the night's sleep off you for several weeks. I don't understand it, I admit I'm not photogenic but they had sent along hair and make-up and a stylist with nice clothes for me and I'd seen some of the shots the photographer had taken and they WEREN'T BAD and I've just seen the f**king thing in print and I look like Jabba the Hutt after being on a cheesecake binge and I've clearly been airbrushed because extra wrinkles have been added in and mes amies, I want to cry. I am sick, sick, sick of doing interviews and being misquoted and looking hideous. Forgive the rant. Also, I was 'quoted' as saying something like 'when I'm depressed I take pills' which makes me sound like a valium-popping type which I AM NOT and which would be completely inappropriate behaviour for a recovering alcoholic. I was talking in general about anti-depressants and how I think that sometimes they are an acceptable method of treating clinical depression. I feel so terrible because I am afraid that people who know I don't drink and who are also trying to stay sober might think that I'm taking the edge of things with tranquillisers, which I AM NOT. Sorry, mes amies, you've got me on a bad day. Book officially in the shops today. Saw it in WH Smiths. Lovely display. Felt weird. I used to get excited about seeing my name in the phone-book. Fly back to Dublin to present prize at Irish Book Awards. It goes on fearsomely long time. Wake up at 4 in the morning, starving hungry. 25.4.08 Move back into our house. We've been gone for over 3 months. It's been reassembled but the place still looks like a building site. Nevertheless, it's great to be home. Wake up at 4 in the morning, starving hungry. I put it down to terrible anxiety because I've got wind that there's a review of me book coming the next day in the Irish Times 26.4.08 Review a rave, thanks be to Christ (see here). Also lovely one in Independent. AnneMarie arrives with Jack, now 15 months old and mad for opening drawers. Wake at 4 in the morning because big article coming the next day in The Sunday Independent. 27.4.08 Piece in Independent is lovely, thanks be to Christ. Also a lovely review in The Tribune (see here). Tentatively relax. Even if I get a load of shite coverage from now on in, at least I'll have the comfort of having had a couple of nice pieces. Go out for dinner with my parents, Rita-Anne, Jimmy, Tadhg and Susan. Very good fun. Rita-Anne discusses her forthcoming labour and sweat breaks out on my head and I feel lightheaded and nauseaus (how is that bloody word spelt, I've just tried it a 100 different ways. Nauseus? Nauseas? Nauseaos? None of them look right.) I very much admire Rita-Anne's cool-headed aplomb. Tadhg and Susan announce they are getting a new dog, which comes as a blow, because with my phobia of dogs, I'm still not 100% comfortable with Katie, the current dog, although I'm working on it. 29.4.08 At 3.20pm THRILLING news arrives - book has gone straight to number 1 in Ireland and Britain after being on sale for only 3 days. Am dizzy with delight and relief, also the timing is fabulous because tonight is my publication party. It was held in the restaurant in Harvey Nichols in Dundrum and they did us proud - delicious food and lovely drinks and magnificent, truly magnificent flower arrangements and the nicest, most obliging staff. Paul Howard, aka Ross O'Carroll Kelly 'launches' me and mes amies, do you know his books? If not, there is a TREAT of monumental proportions ahead of you. He is so so so so funny and clever (also very nice, also very good-looking, although that's not strictly relevant especially as he has a beautiful girlfriend but anyway) I urge you to run to the bookshop right now, or order him on Amazon or somehow get your hands on his books asap, you will have a hoot. I got a lovely new dress especially for the party but it was so tight that I had to bring another dress with me, just in case I breathed out too hard and burst the zip. You may think I jest, but sadly I do not. Miraculously, the dress survived the night - there was a ropey few moments when I saw the goody bags, there were fabulous products from Dermalogica, Frederic Fekkai and Harvey Nichols perfumery but what really interested me were the free chocolates from Butlers. AnneMarie had to beat me off with a stick from eating hers. (Yes, I am afraid that once again I have fallen off the sugar wagon, it is a scourge mes amies, a right bloody scourge, it TORMENTS me so it does.) Re the Dermalogica, they brought along their skin-bar and offered face-mapping to us all and when my father greeted my agent, the irrepressible Jonathan Lloyd with the charming phrase, "God, you look old," he hot-footed it and took his place on the stool. Photo attached. Please laugh. 
Now I'm afraid that I have to end things rather abruptly. I apologise but I am up to me oxters doing interviews and I've no time to write more, also am knackered beyond description. If it's of any interest to anyone I will be in Eason's O'Connell street on Sat 3rd May at 12.30. If you feel like coming along and keeping me and the tumbleweed company, I would GREATLY APPRECIATE IT. Thank you again for all your support and kindness in buying the book, I really hope you enjoy it. Sorry as I said, for rushing off and doing a shorter than usual column but Himself is shouting at me that I have to go and be on the radio and as I write it's already the first of May. I will write again at the end of May and thank you, thank you, thank you, I am so GRATEFUL.Lots of love Marian xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx |
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Photo © Neil Cooper