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 April 2009 VV Brown! Alec Baldwin! Tom Dunne! Kindness! Well first of all amigos, thank you for the veritable TORRENT of insomnia cures that rushed in after my plea. You are all so very very kind and in these apocalyptic times kindness is a wonderful thing, being both free and greatly appreciated. I could probably write a book on insomnia cures, I've so many now and I'm wondering if there's any way I could 'share' (why do I still hate that word? I mean, everyone says it, politicians say it, newsreaders almost say it, and yet it still makes me think of beardy, besandalled men in San Francisco who have done one personal development course too many. Another one I hate is 'reaching out'. As in, 'the illegal military junta are reaching out to the bloodthirsty rebels to leave the villagers chickens alone.' And, 'The villagers have reached out to the chickens, in an attempt to calm ruffled feathers.' And, 'Except for the villager who reached out to a chicken to wring his neck so that he could cook him for the dinner, but this is a different kind of reaching out.' Obviously, 'Reaching out' is miles worse than 'Share' but 'Share' is quite bad too.) Anyway, yes, is there any way I could 'share' my insomnia knowledge? Could we have a 'forum'? Further thanks to all the readers in the UK who bought so many copies of This Charming Man. Over 100,000 copies were bought in the first 10 days of sale and you are so incredibly good to me and I am grateful, grateful, grateful beyond measure. I really can't get over it and actually I hope I never do. I was talking to someone this morning about how hopeless and grim my life used to be and I'm still marvelling at how lucky I am and how it is all down to the kindness of other people, so thank you, more than words can ever say. Speaking of kindness, I've reinstated my Daily Act of Kindness - I was going great guns on it there for a while but I got lax and it's a shame because, selfishly, it makes me feel like a worthwhile person. Also when people are kind to me, the effect is profound. For example, I had a tear in my shirt - the sleeve had become detached from the main body of the shirt but was still hanging on and TWO people, not one, but TWO, offered to SEW it for me. I was mesmerised by this as I'm so utterly bloody hopeless with my hands and I thought people only sewed their clothes in olden times, like the '80s. I'm used to just going round with holes in things and with torn sleeves 'reaching out' to shirts and just learning to live with it. But Suzanne offered to sew it and Jenny offered to sew it and by the second offer, it was dawning on me that this wasn't a joke but something that really did happen so Jenny stitched it and did a perfect job and it gave me a beautiful warm glow. Then Suzanne took me for a facial in SpaceNK and that too gave me a beautiful warm glow and do you mind me telling you about it? Economically, everything in the word has gone so horribly awry so quickly that it feels profoundly insensitive to even admit to having had a nice experience, even if it was a present. But AnneMarie said it made her feel better to hear about something nice, even if it wasn't happening to her, that it's hard to know which way to go. Well, I'll tell you. Do you know SpaceNK? They have them in Britain and we've one in Ireland now and they're beauty emporiums (emporia?) and they're positively RIDDLED with rare and precious brands, including ones you've never even heard of (well, I haven't and I regard myself as somewhat of an expert) and in some of them they have a day spa attached so in one of them Suzanne and I had facials from Natura Bisse. Have you heard of them? To my shame, I hadn't. Spanish, they are, from Barcelona and like everything else from Barcelona, bloody fantastic. We had oxygenating facials which included oxygenating gear, obviously, but the nicest bit was the human touch, where we got pressure point massages and the hard knot of grimmness that exists between my eyebrows was massaged away to smiley softness and the chronic rigid spasm that holds my jaws in place, was persuaded to relax a little, and my skin was all light and bright and lovely afterwards, then we roamed amongst the aisles of the shop, and it was hard for me to keep my klepto instincts under control. Suzanne is OBSESSED with By Terry, they do some magnificent rose day cream that she says she needs because she has to go to Helsinki a lot for work and even though Helsinki is a great place, what with the Marimekko shops and the lovely people, the climate doesn't agree with her face and she says that the minute the plane lands in Helsinki, her face goes like Alex Ferguson's in Star Stories, all red and peeling and horrific, like The Singing Detective. But the By Terry rose cream is too dear for her, so she has to go to her meetings, with her face falling off. I am FOND of By Terry but not obsessed the way Suzanne is because I am OBSESSED with the SpaceNK brand itself. They don't do skincare, but shower gel and candles and they smell so beautiful, there's one called Laughter and honestly, it's so uplifting and joyous and actually, I think I'd better stop writing about this, I'm getting carried away and I could go on for hours.  I've included a photo of me and Suzanne after our facials but it is a bad photo and sadly, we do not look our best. To quote Suzanne she says she looks like 'a toothy giant,' and as you can see I'm my usual stunted, wretched, unphotogenic self. But if you could get up close, you'd see that our skin was beautiful and very oxygenated. Here's some film of the event - VV performing, and me reading. While she was singing, there were waves of energy moving over my scalp and down my spine - everything about her, her voice, her lyrics, the power of her melodies, her presence were - yes! - electrifying and for the first time in real life I felt like I was in the presence of a true superstar. Then! I was on the Paul O'Grady show - how I love him - and one of the other guests was Heston Blumenthal, owner and chef at The Fat Duck and famous for experimenting with food and our perceptions of it, very scientific about it all, and while I am a fan of Mr Blumenthal, Himself is BESOTTED with him, almost as besotted as he is with Kevin McCloud and he came over all starstruck and stammery when he shook the great man's hand and I was glad that Himself got something nice out of it because I worry about Himself, he has to traipse around in my wake and no-one pays attention to him, and gets his name wrong and for once, yes, it was worth his while being married to me. Now we're back home and Annemarie and her son Jack (2 years, 2 months) are staying with us and it's lovely, you know? It's great to have a laugh with likeminded types. Another free pleasure, up there with kindness, both given and received. And we've started watching 30 Rock. Well, I say STARTED but that's wrong because somehow I lost the disc with the first 7 episodes - I keep bloody losing things, this is a recent thing, the memory loss has been ongoing for some time, but the losing things, now that's new and very annoying. But despite missing the set-up, we've got a handle on the lie of the land in 30 Rock land and it's FANTASTIC. Now, I know this hardly counts as news, everyone knows it's great and it's won all kinds of awards, but the big revelation for me is Alec Baldwin. Entre nous, amigos, I have not been a fan of him up till now. But now? His portrayal of Jack Donaghy? Well, I LOVE him. I love him and fancy him. And so does AnneMarie. And so does Himself! Meanwhile, Dylan continues to thrive and you should have seen it, when he met Jack. Dylan is 9 months and can't stand by himself, but can stand if he has something to hold on to. Well! When Dylan clapped eyes on Jack for the first time, he pure fell in love. He's MAD about him. He was HOWLING with delight, honest to god, I mean it, literally HOWLING with it, and clutching on to Jack as if they'd known each other a long time ago and something had happened to separate them and now, against all the odds, they had been unexpectedly reunited. It was beautiful. Even when poor Jack, overwhelmed by so much raw, naked love, stepped back in alarm and Dylan toppled over like a felled tree. The loveliness of children. You see. More free pleasures. And poor Dylan doesn't understand that Jack is only 2 and not big enough to hold him and keeps stretching himself out to get into Jack's arms. God, it's gorgeous. More gorgeous things, my friend Kate Thompson has a new book out, it's called The Kinsella Sisters and I enjoyed it hugely. It's a real comfort read and I would recommend it for when you need a lift. Now, about Tom Dunne. Newstalk in general, in fact. Non-Irish people mightn't know what I'm talking about and my heart goes out to you because despite Ireland being an economic shambles, we are still one of the luckiest nations on earth because we have Tom Dunne. And Sean Moncrieff. Tom Dunne is on in the mornings and Sean is on in the afternoons and I don't know how it happened because I never listen to the radio except when I'm in the car and I'm never in the car because I'm meant to be at my computer working, but I accidentally - oh I've just remembered! It was when I was at the dentists, at the end of last year! I was lying in the chair, having a man doing things to me teeth and Sean Moncrieff was on the radio and he was so funny and dry and witty and clever that it took the sting out of the dentistry somewhat. And so I was alerted to Newstalk and changed the setting in my car from RTE and I said to Susie my sister-in-law, 'Isn't Newstalk great?' And she said, Yes! Isn't Tom Dunne fantastic? And I'd been all set to launch into praise of Sean Moncrieff and I said, Who's Tom Dunne and she said, You don't know who Tom Dunne is????? Then she turned to everyone else and said, Marian doesn't know who Tom Dunne is. Then the entire room erupted with laughter and total strangers were wiping away tears of mirth. So, yes, Tom Dunne. I think I could be in love with him and am manufacturing excuses to have to drive places in the morning because he makes me very happy. I have laughed out loud SEVERAL times, while listening to him and he talks about himself and his family and home life and weekends with such warmth and humanity, that he is a FORCE FOR GOOD in this frightening new world. And he does such lovely pieces, like he had a woman on, who was going on a date for the first time in a long time, I think she was bringing a child up by herself and people rang in to give advice and it was so touching. Non-Irish people, go on the Newstalk website if you'd like to see what I mean. Tom Dunne for Taoiseach! And Sean Moncrieff for Tainiste! And George Hook for Minister for Kindness! And the Owen bloke who does the 8-hour sport programme in the evenings, for Minister for Shamrock Rovers! Finally, Ema and Luka are coming from Prague for a weekend in the middle of April and I've signed up to go to a live performance of High School Musical with Ema. I seem to be the only person left in the world who hasn't seen any version of it. Will it be nice? Once again, thank you for all your incredible kindnesses to me. Thank you to all of you who voted for This Charming Man in the British Book awards. The big night is on April 3rd and I've a feeling in my bones that Sebastian Faulks will win it, and fair play. Because I was blessed enough to win it 2 years ago, I was shocked to discover myself riddled with uncharacteristic hope that I might win it again, but now I'm back in my comfort zone and restored to my usual pessimistic self and I accept that I won't and that to be nominated is enough of an honour. Hope is a scourge, no? An exhausting bloody thing, very roller-coastery. At least despair has a nice predictable steadiness to it. (Sourpuss journalists, and you know who you are, this is not an attempt at emotional blackmail to drum up more votes, because the voting closed on Sunday night. So ha! Also sourpuss journalists, might I just point out that you are out-of-step with the times. It's all about kindness now, you know, not cruelty. Just a little pointer for you. A free gift from me to you.) Right, yes, Sebastian Faulks: you see Devil May Care made an awful lot of people very happy and although I've never spoken to Mr Faulks, he seems like a very nice man, because years ago at the first Althorp literary festival, I was the very first event on and it was at 9am on a Saturday morning and the event wasn't sold out, so he got up early (all the authors had stayed the night before) and 'peopled' one of the empty chairs and gamely sat through my reading and I still remember his benign beardy face smiling encouragingly at me - you see! An act of kindness! Another one! They are all around us, if only we look for them. So yes, I think Sebastian Faulks has it in the bag and I'm wondering if I should stick a couple of quid on him at PaddyPower.com? (Stinky journo, I cannot stress this strongly enough, I am not implying that any of the other nominees are not worthy winners. NOT AT ALL. They are fabulous writers, all of them, all of them worthy winners. I'm simply saying who I THINK will win.) I'm so sorry, all you lovely people who are not stinky journalists, that I have to keep inserting these caveats, but one stinky journalist has a habit of lifting paragraphs from these monthly yokes and quoting them out of context and being all sneery, so I have to be superclear about what I am and am not saying. A pain in the arse for all concerned but what can you do? ...hold on, hold on… red-hot news just in! I've been nominated for another award! In the Irish book awards! In the popular fiction section! I am THRILLED. It's such an honour. The Irish book awards are only a recent thing - this is the third year - and it's such a good, good thing because Ireland is RIDDLED with wonderful writers and always has been and when you think about it, it's appropriate that, as a nation, we get to express our pride and take ownership of that aspect of ourselves. It's so lovely to be nominated and as far as I'm concerned, it's a win-win situation because even though I'd be overjoyed to win - I'm not going to pretend that I wouldn't be, because I think to be recognised by your own tribe is very meaningful - I am friends with all the other nominees in the popular fiction section. (Just to give you an idea of the connections between us all, in the last 10 months, Ross O'Carroll Kelly launched This Charming Man for me, I had the honour of reviewing Cecelia Ahern's latest book The Gift for the Irish Times, I got the opportunity to write about how I love Maeve Binchy's Circle of Friends for The Irish Independent and I've met up with Cathy Kelly and Patricia Scanlan countless times.) I'd be delighted to see any of them win. And the beauty is that one of them WILL win! (See www.irishbookawards.com) Have a lovely Easter, amigos. Eat chocolate. Lots of it. Thank you once more, you are so decent to me. Enjoy April, you northern hemisphere-ites, isn't it great that Spring is finally here. Marian PS Off the Ball! That's the name of the 8 hour evening sports programme presented by Owen the Minister for Shamrock Rovers on Newstalk. I would love to be invited on to talk about Ireland's match against Bulgaria on June 6th , to see if Irish fans should try to go, with particular emphasis on cheap shoeshops in Sofia. Also, two treats attached. PS Song by WiNKA (from Sweden) inspired by Anybody Out There www.myspace.com/winkamusic is brilliant and moving. Also a film from Brazil inspired by Watermelon. It's ADORABLE. www.youtube.com/brazil is fantastic. |
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Photo © Neil Cooper