Twice I have feared that I would never paint again. The first time was after my son was born; holding him in my arms, I knew I could never create anything so perfectly beautiful ever again, and imagined that I would never be able to paint again. But I did, the week after, as I began work on my first book for children.
The second time was sitting in the corner of my bedroom, after pa was gone. But I sat, and I painted, painting through grief and finding that it was not what I had expected it to be like. I felt filled up with the memory of my dad, our shared love of birds, and the shape of a wing and the flow of the paint. It was a struggle to find the way, searching for the quiet beauty I hoped for.
But it came. Over the next few hours, I conjured the spirit of the owl onto the page. It’s a simple painting, gold wings against blue, muscle and flight, light and dark, balance. It was one of the hardest paintings I have ever had to do, but there’s such peace of mind for me in those moments of moving pigment over paper to create a vision.
Hush-winged owl is a bird of wisdom, learning, knowledge. A hunter. As I painted, I remembered also that in some cultures the owl calls the name of those who will die soon. She is a guide, to and through the Underworld, keen-sighted in darkness, a pathfinder. Then, suddenly, I was finished.
I had an idea of how the type would fit, but not what it would look like. It takes a good designer to make a cover work, to make it shine, and we have the best in Alison O’Toole, who brings incredible balance to word and image, with attention to detail and such skill.
A few weeks after finishing the cover, looking through edits and suggesting changes, I showed the painting to my ma. I told her how it had been one of the hardest pieces of work I had ever done. She looked at it, was quiet for a moment, then said, very softly: ‘Your dad would have loved that’.
The Lost Spells is out 1 October 2020.