Has your doctor ever prescribed you some bug-juice? Or sent you to the rheumaholiday department?
Have you ever read an article full of anecdata or reviewphemisms?
Do you think you work in an adhocracy, for a seagull manager?
Every workplace has its own words and phrases, from the Smurf juice used to clean plane toilets to the Peckham Rolexes, worn by criminals on release from prison. For Terms of Employment, Charlie Croker has patrolled hospital corridors, hung out by office water-coolers and lingered in shops to listen in on the conversations that only take place at work, gathering together the jargon we all use, often without thinking.
Whether you're a white wig (new barrister), a heatseeker (ambitious employee) or an entreprenerd (geeky IT pioneer) Terms of Employment is an invaluable - and entertaining - guide.
How long does the average British male spend in the shower?
What is the worst-paid job?
Where are the keenest DIYers in the UK to be found?
Which profession least favours the wearing of ties?
Why are 63% of us too embarrassed to complain about bad food in a restaurant?
Covering everything from food to travel, via gardening and fashion, 8 out of 10 Brits tells you everything you need to know, and much that you don't, about who we are, where we're going, and why - on statistical grounds - we should all consider living in Southend-on-Sea.
Have you ever arrived in a hotel room and been baffled by the information provided?
Beware of your luggage.
In your room you will find a minibar which is filled with alcoholics.
Do not throw urine around.
Have you ever been to a restaurant and wondered what on earth to order?
Bored Meat Stew
Lorry Driver Soup
Have you ever arrived in an airport and found that the supposedly helpful signs just make you feel more lost?
You are required to declare all sorts of private things.
Departure. Bus stop. Car rectal.
Please buy your ticket consciously.
Charlie Croker has, and in 2006 he gathered together what he thought was the definitive collection of English language howlers for his bestselling book Lost in Translation. But he reckoned without the great British public. Not only was the book a smash hit, it also opened the floodgates to a deluge of emails and letters stuffed full of further mistranslations and mutilated phrases. From a leaflet from the Museum of Rasputin in Russia (which is apparently situated in a house that belonged a pilot fish Zubov) to a song title on a pirated Pink Floyd CD (Come Fartably Numb), the scrambled sentences just kept flooding in. At the same time Charlie has continued his travels and picked up gems of his own. With such a wealth of material, a sequel wasn't just a necessity, it was a public service, and Still Lost in Translation is even more addictive, whimsical and side-splittingly hilarious than the first book.
Charlie Croker is an author and journalist. His previous books include Lost in Translation, The Little Book of Beckham and A Game of Three Halves. He has also written for The Times, the Independent on Sunday and the Spectator, among others. His name is frequently misspelt as Charlie Crocker.