Books

As I Was Saying . . .

Jeremy Clarkson

As I Was Saying... is the seventh book in Jeremy Clarkson's best-selling The World According to Clarkson series.
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Crikey, the world according to Clarkson's been a funny old place of late . . .

For a while, Jeremy could be found in his normal position as the tallest man on British television but, more recently, he appears to have been usurped by a pretend elephant.

But on paper the real Jeremy remains at the helm. That's as it should be. For nearly thirty years he has been fearlessly leading the charge as one the best comic writers in the country. And in 2015, he shows no sign of slowing down.

So, whether it's pondering

If Jesus might have been better off being born in New Zealand
Why reflexive pronoun abuse is the worst thing in the world
How Pam Ayres's head trumps Gordon Gecko's underpants
Or what a television presenter with time on his hands gets up to

Jeremy is still trying to make sense of all the big stuff.

Circumstances change. Nothing's forever. But As I Was Saying provides glorious proof that Jeremy remains as funny, puzzled, excitable, outspoken, insightful and thought-provoking as ever. As if you ever doubted it . . .

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Praise for Clarkson:

'Brilliant... laugh-out-loud' Daily Telegraph

'Outrageously funny... will have you in stitches' Time Out

'Very funny . . . I cracked up laughing on the tube' Evening Standard

What Could Possibly Go Wrong. . .

Jeremy Clarkson

What Could Possibly Go Wrong... is the sixth book in Jeremy Clarkson's bestselling The World According to Clarkson series.

No one writes about cars like Jeremy Clarkson. While most correspondents are too buys diving straight into BHP, MPG and MPH, Jeremy appreciates that there are more important things to life. Don't worry, we'll get to the cars. Eventually. But first we should consider:

· The case for invading France
· The overwhelming appeal of a nice sit-down
· The inconvenience of gin and tonic
· Why clothes are no better than ice cream
· Spot-welding with the Duchess of Kent
· And why Denmark is the best place in the world

Armed only with conviction, curiosity, enthusiasm and a stout pair of trousers, Jeremy hurtles around the world - along motorway, autoroute, freeway and autobahn - in search of answers to life's puzzles and ponderings without forethought or fear for his own safety. What, you have to ask, could possibly go wrong...
Praise for Clarkson:

'Brilliant... laugh-out-loud' Daily Telegraph

'Outrageously funny... will have you in stitches' Time Out

'Very funny . . . I cracked up laughing on the tube' Evening Standard

Is It Really Too Much To Ask?

Jeremy Clarkson

Is It Really Too Much To Ask? is the fifth book in Jeremy Clarkson's bestselling The World According to Clarkson series.

Well, someone's got to do it: in a world which simply will not see reason, Jeremy sets off on another quest to beat a path of sense through all the silliness and idiocy.

And there's no knowing what might catch Jeremy's eye along the way. It could be:
-The merits of Stonehenge as a business model
-Why all meetings are a waste of time
-The theft of the Queen's cows
-One Norwegian man's unique approach to showing his gratitude
-Fitting a burglar alarm to a tortoise
-Or how Lou Reed was completely wrong about what makes a perfect day

Pithy and provocative, this is Clarkson at his best, taking issue with whatever nonsense gets in the way of his search for all that's worth celebrating. Why should we be forced to accept stuff that's a bit rubbish? Shouldn't things work? Why doesn't someone care? I mean, is it really too much to ask?

It's a good thing we've still got Jeremy out there, still looking, without fear or favour, for the answers.

Jeremy Clarkson becomes the hilarious voice of a nation once more in Is It Really Too Much To Ask?, Volume 5 of The World According To Clarkson, following bestselling titles The World According to Clarkson, And Another Thing, For Crying Out Loud and How Hard Can It Be? .

Praise for Clarkson:
'Brilliant . . . laugh-out-loud' Daily Telegraph

'Outrageously funny . . . will have you in stitches' Time Out

Jeremy Clarkson began his writing career on the Rotherham Advertiser. He now writes for the Sun and the Sunday Times and is the tallest person working in British television.

The Top Gear Years

Jeremy Clarkson

The Top Gear Years brings together Jeremy Clarkson's collected magazine columns for the first time.

Clarkson at his pithy, provocative, hilarious best

We now know all about the world according to Clarkson. In a series of bestselling books Jeremy has revealed it to be a puzzling, frustrating place where all too often the lunatics seem to be running the asylum. But in The Top Gear Years, we get something rather different. Because ten years ago, at an ex-RAF aerodrome in Surrey, Jeremy and his friends built a world that was rather more to his liking: they called it Top Gear HQ. And Top Gear is for Jeremy what the jungle is for Tarzan: the perfect place to work and play. But they didn't stop there . . .

With this corner of Surrey sorted out, Jeremy and the boys decided to have a crack at the rest of the world. With Top Gear Live charging through with the subtlety of a touring heavy rock band and far flung outposts across the globe from North America to China - an empire of petrol-headed upon which the sun never set.

And all along Jeremy was writing about it in Top Gear magazine. Here, collected for the first time, are the fruits of his labours: the cars, the hijinx, the pleasure and the pain. Brilliantly written and laugh out loud funny.

The Top Gear Years follows Jeremy Clarkson's many bestselling titles including Round the Bend and The World according to Clarkson series.

Praise for Jeremy Clarkson:
'Jeremy Clarkson is very funny and his well-honed political incorrectness is a joy. .' - Daily Telegraph

Jeremy Clarkson began his writing career on the Rotherham Advertiser. Since then he has written for the Sun, the Sunday Times, the Rochdale Observer, the Wolverhampton Express & Star, all of the Associated Kent Newspapers and Lincolnshire Life. Today he is the tallest person working in British television.

Round the Bend

Jeremy Clarkson

Jeremy Clarkson gets really riled in Round the Bend.

What's it like to drive a car that's actively trying to kill you?

This and many other burning questions trouble Jeremy Clarkson as he sets out to explore the world from the safety of four wheels. Avoiding the legions of power-crazed traffic wombles attempting to block highway and byway, he he:

Shows how the world of performance cars may be likened to Battersea Dogs Home

Reveals why St Moritz may be the most bonkers town in all of the world

Reminds us that Switzerland is so afraid of snow that any flakes falling on the road are immediately arrested

Argues that washing a car is a waste of time

Funny, globe-trotting, irreverent and sometimes downright rude, Round the Bend is packed with curious and fascinating but otherwise hopelessly useless stories and facts about everything under the sun (and just occasionally cars). It's Jeremy Clarkson at his brilliant best.

'Brilliant . . . laugh-out-loud' Daily Telegraph

'Outrageously funny . . . will have you in stitches' Time Out

Number-one bestseller and presenter of the hugely popular Top Gear, Jeremy Clarkson writes on cars, current affairs and anything else that annoys him in his sharp and funny collections. Born To Be Riled, Clarkson On Cars, Don't Stop Me Now, Driven To Distraction, Round the Bend, Motorworld, and I Know You Got Soul are also available as Penguin paperbacks; the Penguin App iClarkson: The Book of Cars can be downloaded on the App Store.

How Hard Can It Be?

Jeremy Clarkson

How Hard Can It Be? is the fourth hilarious volume in Jeremy Clarkson's The World According to Clarkson series.

How hard can it be:

To build a power station without upsetting the eco-mentalists?

To seek world domination if you've been hit the ugly stick?

For the Met Office to get yesterday's weather right?

In volume four of The World According to Clarkson, Jeremy Clarkson pours scorn on the nonsensical, the dumb, the idiotic and the plain foolish in his continuing quest to discover where exactly we've all gone wrong.

Along the way he ponders:

Whether conquering France might solve the immigration problem

What happens when you ignore proper warning labels

What would happen if we turned the internet off

Often controversial, frequently scathing but always funnier than James May, Jeremy Clarkson shows us how we could so easily make the world a better place.

'Brilliant . . . laugh-out-loud' Daily Telegraph

'Outrageously funny . . . will have you in stitches' Time Out

Number-one bestseller and presenter of the hugely popular Top Gear, Jeremy Clarkson writes on cars, current affairs and anything else that annoys him in his sharp and funny collections. Born To Be Riled, Clarkson On Cars, Don't Stop Me Now, Driven To Distraction, Round the Bend, Motorworld, and I Know You Got Soul are also available as Penguin paperbacks; the Penguin App iClarkson: The Book of Cars can be downloaded on the App Store.

Driven to Distraction

Jeremy Clarkson

Jeremy Clarkson is once more Driven to Distraction.

Brace yourself. Clarkson's back.

And he'd like to tell you what he thinks about some of the most awe-inspiring, earth-shatteringly fast and jaw-droppingly cool cars in the world (oh, and a few irredeemable disasters...).

Or he would if he could just get one or two things off his chest first. Matters such as:

• The prospect of having Terry Wogan as president
• Why you'll never see a woman driving a Lexus
• The unforeseen consequences of inadequate birth control
• Why everyone should spend a weekend with a digger

Driven to Distraction is Jeremy Clarkson at full throttle. So buckle up, sit tight and enjoy the ride. You're in for a hell of a lot of laughs.

Praise for Jeremy Clarkson:

'Brilliant . . . laugh-out-loud' Daily Telegraph
'Outrageously funny . . . will have you in stitches' Time Out

Number-one bestseller Jeremy Clarkson writes on cars, current affairs and anything else that annoys him in his sharp and funny collections. Born To Be Riled, Clarkson On Cars, Don't Stop Me Now, Driven To Distraction, Round the Bend, Motorworld and I Know You Got Soul are also available as Penguin paperbacks; the Penguin App iClarkson: The Book of Cars can be downloaded on the App Store.

Jeremy Clarkson because his writing career on the Rotherham Advertiser. Since then he has written for the Sun and the Sunday Times. Today he is the tallest person working in British television, and is the presenter of the hugely popular Top Gear.

For Crying Out Loud

Jeremy Clarkson

Jeremy Clarkson, shares his opinions on just about everything in For Crying Out Loud.

The publication of The World According to Clarkson in 2004 launched a multi-million copy bestselling phenomenon. But to no avail.

Jeremy's one man war on crimes against common sense has not yet been won. And out hero's still scratching his head at the madness of it all. But it's not all bad. He's learnt a little along the way, including:

• Why binge drinking is good for you
• The worst word in the English language
• The remarkable secret of eternal youth
• The problem with America
• And how to dispose of a seal

For anyone who's been driven to wonder just what is the matter with people these days, For Crying Out Loud is the perfect riposte. Surprising, fearless and always laugh-out-loud funny, Clarkson's back. And he's got a point . . .

For Crying Out Loud is a hilarious collection of Jeremy's Sunday Times columns and the third in his The World According to Clarkson series which also includes The World According to Clarkson, And Another Thing... and How Hard Can It Be?

Praise for Jeremy Clarkson:

'Brilliant . . . laugh-out-loud' Daily Telegraph
'Outrageously funny . . . will have you in stitches' Time Out
'Cars take a back seat as Clarkson grumpily lets rip . . . the man has a point!' Zoo

Number-one bestseller Jeremy Clarkson writes on cars, current affairs and anything else that annoys him in his sharp and funny collections. Born To Be Riled, Clarkson On Cars, Don't Stop Me Now, Driven To Distraction, Round the Bend, Motorworld and I Know You Got Soul are also available as Penguin paperbacks; the Penguin App iClarkson: The Book of Cars can be downloaded on the App Store.

Jeremy Clarkson because his writing career on the Rotherham Advertiser. Since then he has written for the Sun and the Sunday Times. Today he is the tallest person working in British television, and is the presenter of the hugely popular Top Gear.

Don't Stop Me Now

Jeremy Clarkson

Jeremy Clarkson puts the pedal to the floor in Don't Stop Me Now, a collection of his Sunday Times motoring journalism.

There's more to life than cars. Jeremy Clarkson knows this. There is, after all, a whole world out there just waiting to be discovered. So, before he gets on to torque steer and active suspension, he takes time out to consider:

The madness of Galapagos tortoises

The similarities between Jeremy Paxman and AC/DC's bass guitarist

The problems and perils of being English

God's dumbest creation

Then there are the cars: whether it's the poxiest little runabout or an exotic, firebreathing supercar, no one does cars like Clarkson. Unmoved by mechanics’ claims and unimpressed by press junkets, he approaches anything on four wheels without fear or favour. What emerges from the ashes is rarely pretty. But always very, very funny.

'Brilliant . . . laugh-out-loud' Daily Telegraph

'Outrageously funny . . . will have you in stitches' Time Out

Number-one bestseller and presenter of the hugely popular Top Gear, Jeremy Clarkson writes on cars, current affairs and anything else that annoys him in his sharp and funny collections. Born To Be Riled, Clarkson On Cars, Don't Stop Me Now, Driven To Distraction, Round the Bend, Motorworld, and I Know You Got Soul are also available as Penguin paperbacks; the Penguin App iClarkson: The Book of Cars can be downloaded on the App Store.

And Another Thing

Jeremy Clarkson

In And Another Thing... the outspoken and outrageous presenter Jeremy Clarkson, shares his opinions on just about everything.

Jeremy Clarkson finds the world such a perplexing place that he wrote a bestselling book about it. Yet, despite the appearance of The World According to Clarkson, things - amazingly - haven't improved. Not being someone to give up easily, however, he's decided to have another go.

In And Another Thing... the king of the exasperated quip discovers that:

• Bombing North Carolina is bad for Yorkshire
• We can look forward to exploding at the age of 62
• Russians look bad in Speedos. But not as bad as we do
• Wasps are the highest form of life

Thigh-slappingly funny and in your face, Jeremy Clarkson bursts the pointless little bubbles of the idiots while celebrating the special, the unique and the sheer bloody brilliant...

And Another Thing... is a hilarious collection of Jeremy's Sunday Times columns and the second in his The World According to Clarkson series which also includes The World According to Clarkson, For Crying Out Loud! and How Hard Can It Be?

Praise for Jeremy Clarkson:

'Brilliant . . . laugh-out-loud' Daily Telegraph
'Outrageously funny . . . will have you in stitches' Time Out

Number-one bestseller Jeremy Clarkson writes on cars, current affairs and anything else that annoys him in his sharp and funny collections. Born To Be Riled, Clarkson On Cars, Don't Stop Me Now, Driven To Distraction, Round the Bend, Motorworld and I Know You Got Soul are also available as Penguin paperbacks; the Penguin App iClarkson: The Book of Cars can be downloaded on the App Store.

Jeremy Clarkson because his writing career on the Rotherham Advertiser. Since then he has written for the Sun and the Sunday Times. Today he is the tallest person working in British television, and is the presenter of the hugely popular Top Gear.

Born to be Riled

Jeremy Clarkson

Born to be Riled is a collection of hilarious vintage journalism from Jeremy Clarkson.

Jeremy Clarkson, it has to said, sometimes finds the world a maddening place. And nowhere more so than from behind the wheel of a car, where you can see any number of people acting like lunatics while in control (or not) of a ton of metal.

In this collection of classic columns, first published in 1999, Jeremy takes a look at the world through his windscreen, shakes his head at what he sees - and then puts the boot in.

Among other things, he explains:

• Why Surrey is worse than Wales
• How crossing your legs in America can lead to arrest
• The reason cable TV salesmen must be punched
• That divorce can be blamed on the birth of Jesus

Raving politicians, pointless celebrities, ridiculous 'personalities' and the Germans all get it in the neck, together with the stupid, the daft and the ludicrous, in a tour de force of comic writing guaranteed to have Jeremy's postman wheezing under sackfuls of letters from the easily offended.

Praise for Jeremy Clarkson:

'Brilliant . . . laugh-out-loud' Daily Telegraph
'Outrageously funny . . . will have you in stitches' Time Out

Number-one bestseller Jeremy Clarkson writes on cars, current affairs and anything else that annoys him in his sharp and funny collections. Clarkson On Cars, Don't Stop Me Now, Driven To Distraction, Round the Bend, Motorworld and I Know You Got Soul are also available as Penguin paperbacks; the Penguin App iClarkson: The Book of Cars can be downloaded on the App Store.

Jeremy Clarkson because his writing career on the Rotherham Advertiser. Since then he has written for the Sun and the Sunday Times. Today he is the tallest person working in British television, and is the presenter of the hugely popular Top Gear.

I Know You Got Soul

Jeremy Clarkson

In I Know You Got Soul, Jeremy Clarkson writes about the machines that he believes have 'soul'.

It will come as no surprise to anyone that Jeremy Clarkson loves machines. But it's not just any old bucket of blots, cogs and bearings that rings his bell. In fact, he's scoured the length and breadth of the land, plunged into the oceans and taken to the skies in search of machines with that elusive certain something.

And along the way he's discovered:

• The safest place to be in the event of nuclear war
• Who would win if Superman, James Bond and The Terminator had a fight
• The stupidest person he's ever met
• What an old Cornish institution called Arthur has to do with 0898 chat lines
• And how jean-Claude Van Damme might get eaten by a lion

In I Know You Got Soul: Machines with a Certain Something, Jeremy Clarkson tells stories of the geniuses, innovators and crackpots who put the ghost in the machine. From Brunel's SS Great Britain to the awesome Blackbird spy-plane and from the woeful - but inspiring - Graf Zeppelin to Han Solo's Millennium Falcon, they can't help but love them in return.

Praise for Jeremy Clarkson:

'Brilliant . . . laugh-out-loud' Daily Telegraph
'Outrageously funny . . . will have you in stitches' Time Out

Number-one bestseller Jeremy Clarkson writes on cars, current affairs and anything else that annoys him in his sharp and funny collections. Born To Be Riled, Clarkson On Cars, Don't Stop Me Now, Driven To Distraction, Round the Bend and Motorworld are also available as Penguin paperbacks; the Penguin App iClarkson: The Book of Cars can be downloaded on the App Store.

Jeremy Clarkson because his writing career on the Rotherham Advertiser. Since then he has written for the Sun and the Sunday Times. Today he is the tallest person working in British television, and is the presenter of the hugely popular Top Gear.

The World According to Clarkson

Jeremy Clarkson

Jeremy Clarkson shares his opinions on just about everything in The World According to Clarkson.

Jeremy Clarkson has seen rather more of the world than most. He has, as they say, been around a bit. And as a result, he's got one or two things to tell us about how it all works; and being Jeremy Clarkson he's not about to voice them quietly, humbly and without great dollops of humour.

In The World According to Clarkson, he reveals why it is that:

Too much science is bad for our health

'70s rock music is nothing to be ashamed of

Hunting foxes while drunk and wearing night-sights is neither big nor clever

We must work harder to get rid of cricket

He likes the Germans (well, sometimes)

With a strong dose of common sense that is rarely, if ever, found inside the M25, Clarkson hilariously attacks the pompous, the ridiculous, the absurd and the downright idiotic, whilst also celebrating the eccentric, the clever and the sheer bloody brilliant.

Less a manifesto for living and more a road map to modern life, The World According to Clarkson is the funniest book you'll read this year. Don't leave home without it.

'The World According to Clarkson is a hilarious collection of Jeremy's Sunday Times columns and the first in his The World According to Clarkson series which also includes And Another Thing; For Crying Out Loud! and How Hard Can It Be?

'Brilliant, laugh-out-loud' Daily Telegraph

'Outrageously funny . . . will have you in stitches' Time Out

Number-one bestseller and presenter of the hugely popular Top Gear, Jeremy Clarkson writes on cars, current affairs and anything else that annoys him in his sharp and funny collections. Born To Be Riled, Clarkson On Cars, Don't Stop Me Now, Driven To Distraction, Round the Bend, Motorworld, and I Know You Got Soul are also available as Penguin paperbacks; the Penguin App iClarkson: The Book of Cars can be downloaded on the App Store.

Motorworld

Jeremy Clarkson

Jeremy Clarkson invites us to Motorworld, his take on different cultures and the cars that they drive.

There are ways and means of getting about that don't involve four wheels, but in this slice of vintage Clarkson, Jeremy isn't much interested in them.

Back in 1996, he took himself off to twelve countries (okay, eleven - he goes to America twice) in search of the hows, whys and wherefores of different nationalities and their relationships with cars. There were a few questions he needed answers to:

• Why, for instance, is it that Italians are more interested in looking good than looking where they are going?
• Why do Indians crash a lot?
• How can an Arab describe himself as 'not a rich man' with four of the world's most expensive cars in his drive?
• And why have the otherwise neutral Swiss declared war on the car?

From Cuba to Iceland, Australia to Vietnam, Japan to Texas, Jeremy Clarkson tells us of his adventures on and off four wheels as he seeks to discover just what it is that makes our motorworld tick over.

Praise for Jeremy Clarkson:

'Brilliant . . . laugh-out-loud' Daily Telegraph
'Outrageously funny . . . will have you in stitches' Time Out

Number-one bestseller Jeremy Clarkson writes on cars, current affairs and anything else that annoys him in his sharp and funny collections. Born To Be Riled, Clarkson On Cars, Don't Stop Me Now, Driven To Distraction, Round the Bend and I Know You Got Soul are also available as Penguin paperbacks; the Penguin App iClarkson: The Book of Cars can be downloaded on the App Store.

Jeremy Clarkson because his writing career on the Rotherham Advertiser. Since then he has written for the Sun and the Sunday Times. Today he is the tallest person working in British television, and is the presenter of the hugely popular Top Gear.

Clarkson on Cars

Jeremy Clarkson

Jeremy Clarkson gets under the bonnet in Clarkson on Cars; a collection of his motoring journalism.

Jeremy Clarkson has been driving cars, writing about them and occasionally voicing his opinions on the BBC's Top Gear for twenty years.

No one in the business is taller.

In this collection of classic Clarkson, stretching back to the mid-1980s, he's pulled together the car columns and stories with which he made his name. As coal mines closed and house prices exploded to a soundtrack of men in make-up playing synthesizers, Jeremy was already waxing lyrical on topics as useful and diverse as:

• The perils of bicycle ownership
• Why Australians - not Brits - need bull bars
• Why soon only geriatrics will be driving BMWs
• The difficultly of deciding on the best car for your wedding
• Why Jesus's dad would have owned a Nissan Bluebird
• And why it is that bus lanes cause traffic jams

Irreverent, damn funny and offensive to almost everyone, this is writing with its foot to the floor, the brake lines cut and the speed limit smashed to smithereens. Sit back and enjoy the ride.

Praise for Jeremy Clarkson:

'Brilliant . . . laugh-out-loud' Daily Telegraph
'Outrageously funny . . . will have you in stitches' Time Out

Number-one bestseller Jeremy Clarkson writes on cars, current affairs and anything else that annoys him in his sharp and funny collections. Born To Be Riled, Clarkson On Cars, Don't Stop Me Now, Driven To Distraction, Round the Bend, Motorworld and I Know You Got Soul are also available as Penguin paperbacks; the Penguin App iClarkson: The Book of Cars can be downloaded on the App Store.

Jeremy Clarkson because his writing career on the Rotherham Advertiser. Since then he has written for the Sun and the Sunday Times. Today he is the tallest person working in British television, and is the presenter of the hugely popular Top Gear.

Biography

Jeremy Clarkson began his career on the Rotherham Advertiser. Since then he has written for the Sun, the Sunday Times, the Rochdale Observer, the Wolverhampton Express & Star, all of the Associated Kent Newspapers and Lincolnshire Life.