New and forthcoming
Charismatic, erudite and often controversial Winton Churchill was one of the most inspiring leaders of the 20th century, and one of its greatest wits. His much-celebrated sense of fun and mischief has led to many of his jokes and ripostes becoming almost as well known as his famous wartime speeches. Gloriously definitive, Richard Langworth includes all Churchill's most famous quips and witticisms, as well as little known asides and observations. The only book of its kind to be sanctioned by the Churchill estate, it captures the great statesman at his most eloquent, witty, and engaging, Churchill's Wit celebrates the humour and humanity of this most imposing man.
'My dear young man, thought is the most dangerous process known to man.'
'I believe I am the only man in the world to have received the head of a nation naked.'
'[A politician] is asked to stand, he wants to sit and he is expected to lie.'
'-Winston, you are drunk, and what's more you are disgustingly drunk.
-Bessie, my dear, you are ugly, and what's more, you are disgustingly ugly. But tomorrow I shall be sober and you will still be disgustingly ugly.'
Do you know how to change a tyre? Give a speech? Or shave without leaving a nasty rash? How about ironing a shirt? Urinal etiquette? Or how to know if you are falling in love?
Neither did 24-year-old author Gareth May until he started to gather centuries-old male wisdom for the 'metrosexual' generation. Stuck on the verge of a major motorway with a punctured tyre after swerving to avoid a low-flying pigeon, Gareth was confronted with the fact that he had no idea how to mend his puncture and get back on the road.
Later, after the excoriating diatribe and accusations of uselessness from his father, he reflected that it wasn't just practical, manly skills - tying a tie properly, wielding a power drill, changing a leaky faucet - that had passed him by. Gareth was clueless about just pretty much every skill perceived as the key to coming of age as a modern man. Sophisticated stuff, like how to hold a baby or how to end a relationship without being a complete git...
While girls share magazines with dog-eared problem pages, the modern boy has no such manual, no instruction leaflet to ease their transition into manhood. Until now.
Gareth May has written the essential manual for young men across the world. From stubborn spots to slow dancing dos and don'ts, the perfect fry-up to putting on a condom in less than ten seconds, witty, brilliantly honest and down-to-earth, 150 THINGS EVERY MAN SHOULD KNOW tells you all those things your best friend can't.
'I'm 35 years old. A low-ranking TV personality. Rather immature and carefree, my only responsibility to date has been a guinea pig. All that's about to change. I'm pregnant, and now I've become a cheddar cheese junkie, inseparable from my dungarees. Help!'
Who can Mel turn to?
Pen, her best friend, who is still annoyingly carefree and single, and whose effect on Mel is like an injection of pure caffeine to the system?
Jools, the hippy who recommends basil nosegay for labour pains and placenta pate canapes when entertaining?
Amanda, the well-heeled, pregnant-friend-from-Hell who, only weeks after her textbook delivery, is planning to have her firstborn taught to ski?
Kate, Mel's sister and mother of two, whose offspring are inclined towards dangerous Captain Hook impersonations and sudden mood swings?
Mel's mother, who got Mel through babyhood by way of regular coffee mornings and who impresses on her the importance of portable 1950s baby gear that looks about as foldable as a Transit van?
Dan, the dad-to-be, who suddenly stops going to the pub to concentrate on Mel's dietary requirements and has adopted the sinister habit of always keeping a tape measure attached to his belt?
When Phil Ball left university with a workmanlike English degree to his name and no discernible ambitions, he wasn't entirely sure what to do next. So like many before him he thought he'd giving teaching a go. Why not?
This is the comic story of one man's painfully slow metamorphosis into a teacher at an everyday comprehensive and his encounters with other remarkable teachers and pupils along the way. The good, the bad, the violent, the victimised and the clinically insane: from his first teaching practice nemesis, Alan Plant, who knows his dark secret, to the pupil who believes he is a reincarnation of the poet Andrew Marvell. It is a tale of the highs and lows of attempting to teach: from the joy of really making a difference to young minds to being physically set upon by a teenage horde.
And that's just what happens in the classroom. Beyond it is the real world of teachers behind staff-room doors: desperate lives, unseemly professional competition, a diet of cigarettes, alcohol and cold coffee, casual sex and general social dysfunction. Not a great example, but the truth...
A caustically funny book of games with a decidedly adult twist.
Hungover? Want to look busy while you wait for your Guardian soulmate? Or maybe you just need distraction to while away your pitifully short lunchbreak? Whatever the pathetic occasion, this is the book for you. Offering an ironic look at the stereotypes, habits and challenges of modern adulthood Colouring for Grown-ups includes:
- 6 Steps for Compromising your Integrity and Goals
- The truly intense "Dodge the Debt Collectors" activity maze
- Life Partner Laboratory – where your perfect soul mate is more than just a laughable fantasy!Materials required: colouring utensils
Optional requirements: emotional maturity; financial independence; personal boundaries.
In Lisa Simpson’s Guide to Geek Chic, Springfield’s most sensitive student reveals the secrets of being a misunderstood geek goddess.
Geeks are no longer just those sideshow freaks biting the heads off chickens. Geeks are now freaks about all kinds of other things and are proud to let it show. Geek is now chic, nerdy is now noble, and dorky is now desirable, as they always should have been. The readers, the writers, the scientists, and the creators are now at the top of the heap, and it’s time to show the rest of the world what they are made of . . . beside mostly oxygen, carbon, hydrogen, nitrogen, calcium, and phosphorus, of course.
Let your geek flag fly!
The Idler team believe that idleness is unjustly criticised in modern society when it is, in fact, a vital component of a happy life. In this new edition of The Idler, the team examine the way money and greed have taken over our lives and look at ways of escaping its clutches.
In Medieval times, prioritising money-making was seen as a sin. On their deathbed, usurers tried to pay back the money they had extorted so they would have a better chance of getting into heaven. Money was just a part of life, a means of exchange, rather than an end in itself. Then came the Protestant work ethic, which introduced the damaging notion that "time is money".
The Idler wants to reintroduce a fun-loving medieval attitude to life. The last issue looked at how to avoid work; now it looks at how to avoid consuming. You can also expect The Idler's characteristic blend of well-known writers, humour and art.
Graffiti. It can be a diverse form of expression and thoughtprovoking art; whether painted on the side of a train or on a canvas hanging in a gallery. Or, as you will see immortalised in the glorious pages of Crap Graffiti, it can be crude drunken daubing, nonsensical statements or hilarious outpourings of uncontained rage.
Crap Graffiti documents these bizarre and puerile creations, celebrates the inept and enthusiastically applauds creative dyslexia. This is definitely not art, but really awful, lame graffiti: the incompetent attempts of beginners or the ‘profound’ musings of lunatics scrawled on the back of toilet cubicle doors.
Welcome to the Cream of the Crap.
How long does the average British male spend in the shower?
What is the worst-paid job?
Where are the keenest DIYers in the UK to be found?
Which profession least favours the wearing of ties?
Why are 63% of us too embarrassed to complain about bad food in a restaurant?
Covering everything from food to travel, via gardening and fashion, 8 out of 10 Brits tells you everything you need to know, and much that you don't, about who we are, where we're going, and why - on statistical grounds - we should all consider living in Southend-on-Sea.
Few men have the extraordinary ability to get absolutely nothing done like Homer Simpson, the true American Idle. Now you too can develop a flair for the laissez-faire from Springfield's very own Sultan of Sloth.
Get the lowdown on the slow down and discover a knack for the slack.
The Lazy Hall of Fame
Homer's Lazy look at Fashion
The Lazy Man's Tool Kit
The Adventures of Sloth Man
The perfect Christmas gift for the slob in your life....