New and forthcoming
Charismatic, erudite and often controversial Winton Churchill was one of the most inspiring leaders of the 20th century, and one of its greatest wits. His much-celebrated sense of fun and mischief has led to many of his jokes and ripostes becoming almost as well known as his famous wartime speeches. Gloriously definitive, Richard Langworth includes all Churchill's most famous quips and witticisms, as well as little known asides and observations. The only book of its kind to be sanctioned by the Churchill estate, it captures the great statesman at his most eloquent, witty, and engaging, Churchill's Wit celebrates the humour and humanity of this most imposing man.
'My dear young man, thought is the most dangerous process known to man.'
'I believe I am the only man in the world to have received the head of a nation naked.'
'[A politician] is asked to stand, he wants to sit and he is expected to lie.'
'-Winston, you are drunk, and what's more you are disgustingly drunk.
-Bessie, my dear, you are ugly, and what's more, you are disgustingly ugly. But tomorrow I shall be sober and you will still be disgustingly ugly.'
Stephen Colbert was The Daily Show's longest-running and most memorable correspondent. His right-wing, super-patriotic persona, his insight and general rightness led to The Colbert Report, a half-hour TV platform for his views on the issues of the day and, more importantly, why everyone else's views are just plain wrong.
I Am America (And So Can You!) features Stephen's most deeply held knee-jerk beliefs on everything from The Family to Race and Immigration and provides the ultimate satirical guide to the glorious marvel that is American Life. He bravely takes on the forces aligned to destroy America - whether they be terrorists, environmentalists, or brand-name breakfast cereals - and tackles difficult issues like religion, sexuality, and nature ('I've never trusted the sea. What's it hiding under there?')
With hilarious illustrations and charts ('Things That Are Trying to Turn Me Gay', 'Sports to Ignore' and many more) and a complete transcript of Colbert's infamous speech at the 2006 White House Correspondents' Dinner, this is a brilliantly funny book as well as a very clever commentary on America today.
Do you know how to change a tyre? Give a speech? Or shave without leaving a nasty rash? How about ironing a shirt? Urinal etiquette? Or how to know if you are falling in love?
Neither did 24-year-old author Gareth May until he started to gather centuries-old male wisdom for the 'metrosexual' generation. Stuck on the verge of a major motorway with a punctured tyre after swerving to avoid a low-flying pigeon, Gareth was confronted with the fact that he had no idea how to mend his puncture and get back on the road.
Later, after the excoriating diatribe and accusations of uselessness from his father, he reflected that it wasn't just practical, manly skills - tying a tie properly, wielding a power drill, changing a leaky faucet - that had passed him by. Gareth was clueless about just pretty much every skill perceived as the key to coming of age as a modern man. Sophisticated stuff, like how to hold a baby or how to end a relationship without being a complete git...
While girls share magazines with dog-eared problem pages, the modern boy has no such manual, no instruction leaflet to ease their transition into manhood. Until now.
Gareth May has written the essential manual for young men across the world. From stubborn spots to slow dancing dos and don'ts, the perfect fry-up to putting on a condom in less than ten seconds, witty, brilliantly honest and down-to-earth, 150 THINGS EVERY MAN SHOULD KNOW tells you all those things your best friend can't.
"Every weekend, thousands of otherwise rational men and women are cursing, kicking at divots and smashing expensively milled putters against the trunks of immovable hardwood trees. These players go home in a toxic funk to inflict gloom upon their loved ones until the following Saturday, when they rush back to the golf course and do it all over again."
In the summer of 2005, Carl Hiaasen picked up a golf club again for the first time in 32 years. He was not the best of players in 1973, and had certainly not got any younger in the intervening period. Undeterred, and weighed down by an increasing quantity of golf equipment and game-enhancing products acquired from adverts on The Golf Channel, who can see a sucker coming, Carl was soon hacking and shanking his way around the courses of Florida, and his obsession with the sport was rekindled. Animals were harmed during the making of this book.
Over the course of the next 18 months, Carl's game got better, then worse, then slightly better, then much worse again, and he even managed to jinx Tiger Woods. On the way to finally summoning up the courage to compete in an actual tournament himself, Carl details the hilarious consequences of his misguided belief that he could actually play the game. We also learn that Justin Timberlake has a better golf handicap (6) than Bob Dylan (17), that Eagle Trace golf course contains not one trace of an eagle, and that Mind Drive capsules are not necessarily a good idea.
But through all the misery and frustration (save the odd glorious shot), golf took up residence in Carl's heart again. Fairway to Hell is the ultimate tale of the trials and tribulations of the amateur golfer, but also the heart-warming story of how the game brought together the generations of the Hiaasen family.
'I'm 35 years old. A low-ranking TV personality. Rather immature and carefree, my only responsibility to date has been a guinea pig. All that's about to change. I'm pregnant, and now I've become a cheddar cheese junkie, inseparable from my dungarees. Help!'
Who can Mel turn to?
Pen, her best friend, who is still annoyingly carefree and single, and whose effect on Mel is like an injection of pure caffeine to the system?
Jools, the hippy who recommends basil nosegay for labour pains and placenta pate canapes when entertaining?
Amanda, the well-heeled, pregnant-friend-from-Hell who, only weeks after her textbook delivery, is planning to have her firstborn taught to ski?
Kate, Mel's sister and mother of two, whose offspring are inclined towards dangerous Captain Hook impersonations and sudden mood swings?
Mel's mother, who got Mel through babyhood by way of regular coffee mornings and who impresses on her the importance of portable 1950s baby gear that looks about as foldable as a Transit van?
Dan, the dad-to-be, who suddenly stops going to the pub to concentrate on Mel's dietary requirements and has adopted the sinister habit of always keeping a tape measure attached to his belt?
Why do so many swear words involve sex, bodily functions and religion? Why are some words rude and others aren't? Why can launching into expletives be so shocking - and sometimes so amusing?
Steven Pinker takes us on a fascinating and funny journey through the world of profanities, taken from his bestselling The Stuff of Thought, to show us why we swear (whatever our language or culture), how taboos change and how we use obscenities in different ways. You'll discover that in Québecois French the expression 'Tabernacle' is outrageous, that the Middle Ages were littered with four-letter words, that 'scumbag' has a very unsavoury origin and that in a certain Aboriginal language every word is filthy when spoken in front of your mother-in-law.
Covering everything from free speech to Tourette's, from pottymouthed celebrities to poetry, this book reveals what swearing tells us about how our minds work. (It's also a bloody good read).
In the vast tapestry of your life, what are the memories and images that stand out?
Draw My Life is the story you can create in pictures. Following cues you can illustrate and annotate your best moments, as well as your craziest, happiest, silliest and most surprising ones! For anyone who has struggled to keep a journal or diary, this will help unlock those priceless memories and record them forever. Inspired by the YouTube phenomenon, this is a lasting and wonderful object that you can keep and treasure. It’s also a hell of a lot of fun.
*No previous drawing experience necessary. Colouring pencils advised.*
When Phil Ball left university with a workmanlike English degree to his name and no discernible ambitions, he wasn't entirely sure what to do next. So like many before him he thought he'd giving teaching a go. Why not?
This is the comic story of one man's painfully slow metamorphosis into a teacher at an everyday comprehensive and his encounters with other remarkable teachers and pupils along the way. The good, the bad, the violent, the victimised and the clinically insane: from his first teaching practice nemesis, Alan Plant, who knows his dark secret, to the pupil who believes he is a reincarnation of the poet Andrew Marvell. It is a tale of the highs and lows of attempting to teach: from the joy of really making a difference to young minds to being physically set upon by a teenage horde.
And that's just what happens in the classroom. Beyond it is the real world of teachers behind staff-room doors: desperate lives, unseemly professional competition, a diet of cigarettes, alcohol and cold coffee, casual sex and general social dysfunction. Not a great example, but the truth...
In Fur Shui Paula takes readers on a light-hearted romp through the application of the ancient and venerable universal laws of energy drawn from The Black Hat School of Feng Shui and how they relate to the furry folk world of pets and animals. This primer introduces a new branch of animal Feng Shui that she calls 'fur shui' and offers insight into how Black Hat Feng Shui translates into Black Cat Fur Shui.
A delightfully illustrated guide to animal energies, Fur Shui features helpful charts as well as information on fur elementals and cycles, fur chi dos and don'ts and do-it-yourself tips on moving back into positive fur chi flow and balance. It's a charming look at the flow of energy in animals and how we can apply this knowledge in fun yet practical ways.
Kenneth Williams, Clement Freud, Derek Nimmo, Peter Jones and Paul Merton are the ‘Famous Five’ of Just a Minute: sparkling raconteurs whose sharp wits and skill made them consistently a pleasure to listen to. Each brings their own unique quality to the show, and this box set showcases their highlights - the moments which reveal these talented players at the very top of their game. Also among the featured shows are the first ever Just a Minute, plus the 25th anniversary edition and the infamous episode when Clement Freud failed to appear and the show’s ever capable chairman Nicholas Parsons replaced him as a panellist. Full of fast-paced, irreverent fun and ferocious competition, this collection is a goldmine of wonderful comedy nuggets from five fantastically funny comedians.
11 CDs. 11 hrs.
A caustically funny book of games with a decidedly adult twist.
Hungover? Want to look busy while you wait for your Guardian soulmate? Or maybe you just need distraction to while away your pitifully short lunchbreak? Whatever the pathetic occasion, this is the book for you. Offering an ironic look at the stereotypes, habits and challenges of modern adulthood Colouring for Grown-ups includes:
- 6 Steps for Compromising your Integrity and Goals
- The truly intense "Dodge the Debt Collectors" activity maze
- Life Partner Laboratory – where your perfect soul mate is more than just a laughable fantasy!Materials required: colouring utensils
Optional requirements: emotional maturity; financial independence; personal boundaries.
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