New and forthcoming
Charismatic, erudite and often controversial Winton Churchill was one of the most inspiring leaders of the 20th century, and one of its greatest wits. His much-celebrated sense of fun and mischief has led to many of his jokes and ripostes becoming almost as well known as his famous wartime speeches. Gloriously definitive, Richard Langworth includes all Churchill's most famous quips and witticisms, as well as little known asides and observations. The only book of its kind to be sanctioned by the Churchill estate, it captures the great statesman at his most eloquent, witty, and engaging, Churchill's Wit celebrates the humour and humanity of this most imposing man.
'My dear young man, thought is the most dangerous process known to man.'
'I believe I am the only man in the world to have received the head of a nation naked.'
'[A politician] is asked to stand, he wants to sit and he is expected to lie.'
'-Winston, you are drunk, and what's more you are disgustingly drunk.
-Bessie, my dear, you are ugly, and what's more, you are disgustingly ugly. But tomorrow I shall be sober and you will still be disgustingly ugly.'
Do you know how to change a tyre? Give a speech? Or shave without leaving a nasty rash? How about ironing a shirt? Urinal etiquette? Or how to know if you are falling in love?
Neither did 24-year-old author Gareth May until he started to gather centuries-old male wisdom for the 'metrosexual' generation. Stuck on the verge of a major motorway with a punctured tyre after swerving to avoid a low-flying pigeon, Gareth was confronted with the fact that he had no idea how to mend his puncture and get back on the road.
Later, after the excoriating diatribe and accusations of uselessness from his father, he reflected that it wasn't just practical, manly skills - tying a tie properly, wielding a power drill, changing a leaky faucet - that had passed him by. Gareth was clueless about just pretty much every skill perceived as the key to coming of age as a modern man. Sophisticated stuff, like how to hold a baby or how to end a relationship without being a complete git...
While girls share magazines with dog-eared problem pages, the modern boy has no such manual, no instruction leaflet to ease their transition into manhood. Until now.
Gareth May has written the essential manual for young men across the world. From stubborn spots to slow dancing dos and don'ts, the perfect fry-up to putting on a condom in less than ten seconds, witty, brilliantly honest and down-to-earth, 150 THINGS EVERY MAN SHOULD KNOW tells you all those things your best friend can't.
'I'm 35 years old. A low-ranking TV personality. Rather immature and carefree, my only responsibility to date has been a guinea pig. All that's about to change. I'm pregnant, and now I've become a cheddar cheese junkie, inseparable from my dungarees. Help!'
Who can Mel turn to?
Pen, her best friend, who is still annoyingly carefree and single, and whose effect on Mel is like an injection of pure caffeine to the system?
Jools, the hippy who recommends basil nosegay for labour pains and placenta pate canapes when entertaining?
Amanda, the well-heeled, pregnant-friend-from-Hell who, only weeks after her textbook delivery, is planning to have her firstborn taught to ski?
Kate, Mel's sister and mother of two, whose offspring are inclined towards dangerous Captain Hook impersonations and sudden mood swings?
Mel's mother, who got Mel through babyhood by way of regular coffee mornings and who impresses on her the importance of portable 1950s baby gear that looks about as foldable as a Transit van?
Dan, the dad-to-be, who suddenly stops going to the pub to concentrate on Mel's dietary requirements and has adopted the sinister habit of always keeping a tape measure attached to his belt?
Why do so many swear words involve sex, bodily functions and religion? Why are some words rude and others aren't? Why can launching into expletives be so shocking - and sometimes so amusing?
Steven Pinker takes us on a fascinating and funny journey through the world of profanities, taken from his bestselling The Stuff of Thought, to show us why we swear (whatever our language or culture), how taboos change and how we use obscenities in different ways. You'll discover that in Québecois French the expression 'Tabernacle' is outrageous, that the Middle Ages were littered with four-letter words, that 'scumbag' has a very unsavoury origin and that in a certain Aboriginal language every word is filthy when spoken in front of your mother-in-law.
Covering everything from free speech to Tourette's, from pottymouthed celebrities to poetry, this book reveals what swearing tells us about how our minds work. (It's also a bloody good read).
When Phil Ball left university with a workmanlike English degree to his name and no discernible ambitions, he wasn't entirely sure what to do next. So like many before him he thought he'd giving teaching a go. Why not?
This is the comic story of one man's painfully slow metamorphosis into a teacher at an everyday comprehensive and his encounters with other remarkable teachers and pupils along the way. The good, the bad, the violent, the victimised and the clinically insane: from his first teaching practice nemesis, Alan Plant, who knows his dark secret, to the pupil who believes he is a reincarnation of the poet Andrew Marvell. It is a tale of the highs and lows of attempting to teach: from the joy of really making a difference to young minds to being physically set upon by a teenage horde.
And that's just what happens in the classroom. Beyond it is the real world of teachers behind staff-room doors: desperate lives, unseemly professional competition, a diet of cigarettes, alcohol and cold coffee, casual sex and general social dysfunction. Not a great example, but the truth...
In Fur Shui Paula takes readers on a light-hearted romp through the application of the ancient and venerable universal laws of energy drawn from The Black Hat School of Feng Shui and how they relate to the furry folk world of pets and animals. This primer introduces a new branch of animal Feng Shui that she calls 'fur shui' and offers insight into how Black Hat Feng Shui translates into Black Cat Fur Shui.
A delightfully illustrated guide to animal energies, Fur Shui features helpful charts as well as information on fur elementals and cycles, fur chi dos and don'ts and do-it-yourself tips on moving back into positive fur chi flow and balance. It's a charming look at the flow of energy in animals and how we can apply this knowledge in fun yet practical ways.
A caustically funny book of games with a decidedly adult twist.
Hungover? Want to look busy while you wait for your Guardian soulmate? Or maybe you just need distraction to while away your pitifully short lunchbreak? Whatever the pathetic occasion, this is the book for you. Offering an ironic look at the stereotypes, habits and challenges of modern adulthood Colouring for Grown-ups includes:
- 6 Steps for Compromising your Integrity and Goals
- The truly intense "Dodge the Debt Collectors" activity maze
- Life Partner Laboratory – where your perfect soul mate is more than just a laughable fantasy!Materials required: colouring utensils
Optional requirements: emotional maturity; financial independence; personal boundaries.
There are many wonderful creatures on earth - and even more incredible ways to describe them.
With more collective nouns for animal groups than anyone else in the world, from a Business of Ferrets to a Wobble of Ostriches (not forgetting, of course, an Implausibility of Gnus) Alon Shulman's A Mess of Iguanas, A Whoop of Gorillas will tell you what to call a group of zebras, chickens, parrots, spiders, tigers or penguins the next time you encounter one - and will even let you know the difference between a school and a shoal of fish. Not to mention why groups of swans are known as a lamentation, a bank and a wedge.
It will also tell you the most outlandish, strange yet completely accurate animal facts you can imagine. For example, did you know that polar bears are invisible to infra-red because they have transparent fur? Or that hippopotamus can't swim? Or that ostriches do not bury their heads in the sand?
Filled with everything you could ever want to know about the creatures that inhabit our world, this brilliant compendium of animal curiosities is perfect for pub quizzers, language buffs, wannabe know-it-alls and any readers aged, well ... 8 to 80.
In Lisa Simpson’s Guide to Geek Chic, Springfield’s most sensitive student reveals the secrets of being a misunderstood geek goddess.
Geeks are no longer just those sideshow freaks biting the heads off chickens. Geeks are now freaks about all kinds of other things and are proud to let it show. Geek is now chic, nerdy is now noble, and dorky is now desirable, as they always should have been. The readers, the writers, the scientists, and the creators are now at the top of the heap, and it’s time to show the rest of the world what they are made of . . . beside mostly oxygen, carbon, hydrogen, nitrogen, calcium, and phosphorus, of course.
Let your geek flag fly!
Containing drafts of stories later rewritten for other collections (including Carry On, Jeeves), My Man Jeeves offers a fascinating insight into the genesis of comic literature's most celebrated double-act. All the stories are set in New York, four of them featuring Jeeves and Wooster themselves; the rest concerning Reggie Pepper, an earlier version of Bertie. Plots involve the usual cast of amiable young clots, choleric millionaires, chorus-girls and vulpine aunts, but towering over them all is the inscrutable figure of Jeeves, manipulating the action from behind the scenes.
Early or not, these stories are masterly examples of Wodehouse's art,turning the most ordinary incidents into golden farce.