Michael Symmons Roberts’s fourth book of poetry, Corpus, was the winner of the 2004 Whitbread Poetry Award, and was shortlisted for the T. S. Eliot Prize, the Forward Prize, and the Griffin International Prize. His sixth collection, Drysalter, was the winner of both the Forward Prize and the Costa Poetry Prize in 2013. He collaborated with Paul Farley on Edgelands (Cape/Vintage) and will do so again in The Deaths of the Poets (Cape, 2017). He has also worked many times with the composer James MacMillan. He has published two novels, and is Professor of Poetry at Manchester Metropolitan University.

Michael Symmons Roberts

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Richard Herring

Richard hits the big 4-0 and spends his birthday in the British Musuem, harassing waiters, and lamenting his demise into old age.

How Not to Grow Up: Birthdays

Dan Howell

Phil Lester

Dan Howell and Phil Lester, avoiders of human contact and direct sunlight, actually went outside. Travelling around the world on tour, they have collected hundreds of exclusive, intimate and funny photos, as well as revealing and captivating side notes, to show the behind-the-scenes story of their adventure.

Dan and Phil Go Outside

David Bennun

David Bennun had lived in Africa his whole life. At the age of 18 he came to Britain, the mother country. The country he had read about in Punch magazine or seen in films like Chariots of Fire. He was in for a shock. A very big shock indeed: 'I could not have been less prepared had I spent my life up to that point listening to 30-year-old broadcasts of the Light Programme.' 
 
In this timely follow-up to the critically acclaimed Tick Bite Fever, David Bennun shows us our own country through the eyes of an alien. With his brilliantly witty turn of phrase we follow his life as a student, his brushes with Bohemia, his troubles renting and buying property, his discovery of British food and his horrors at entering the world of work. From DIY to architecture, sport to alcohol, transport to music and entertainment, David Bennun brilliantly and with ruthless wit deconstructs all these subjects, many of them so dear to the British heart.

British As A Second Language

Aleksandr Orlov

Aleksandr Orlov has become one of the most loved figures in British culture and his catchphrase - Simples! - can be heard from the playground to the office. Written in his inimitable voice (as dictated to his sidekick Sergei), his autobiography will offer the same humour as his TV ads, giving us the full story of his ancestor's Journey of Courageousness from the Kalahari to Russia, the low-down on his life as entrepreneur and founder of comparethemeerkat.com and his love of grubs and cravats. 
 
'My name is Aleksandr Orlov. I live and make work in Moscow. I have a success business. I have a mansion decorate with many fine things. I have a naturally majestic posture. But I would have none of these things if it were not for my family. This book is dedicated to them. I also wish to inspire next generation of young businesskats. I am hope that this book will show what can come of courage, hard work and a good fur-care regime. I am also hope that with royalties I will be able to re-marble roof on Orlov family mansion'

A Simples Life

The Life and Times of Aleksandr Orlov

Justin Lee Collins

He street jams in spandex and wrestles in lycra. He's been a magician, a ventriloquist and a clown. He's hugged some of the biggest stars in the world, and pretty much anyone else who's crossed his path. He mucks about, wears silly costumes and manhandles his friend Alan Carr on national TV on a weekly basis. And people have literally paid him to do all this. Good times! 
 
But life wasn't always so kind to young Justin. He discovered he couldn't kiss very well at school camp in Plymouth. "An attractive sixth-form girl let me snog her. I was about 12. She pulled away, and said 'Aaah, you can't do it.' Then she then picked me up and carried me back to my room." The years stacking shelves at Bristol's Marks and Spencer weren't exactly a high point. Being told to 'walk faster' by his boss and being given a final warning: "it dawned on me they thought that putting out knickers and crisps was beyond me!" Bad times. 
 
But mere retail couldn't keep him down! This hilarious coming-of-age story follows his journey from collecting Star Wars toys as a small boy to schmoozing Carrie Fisher in her Hollywood home, and becoming one of the most loved and instantly recognised faces on British TV. For each new twist his life has taken, he hasn't changed a bit. He's as bouncy, funny, shambolic, huggable and of course Bristolian as he's ever been. This is the story of how it all happened. By accident. 
 
But this book is not just a routine celebrity autobiography/memoir - that would be boring. Especially for Justin himself, whose attention span is that of a small child at the best of times. Instead, this is JLC utilising his remarkable photographic memory to ponder the unfeasibly peculiar and funny moments that have defined his life, and desperately trying to make sense of it all. Rock on!

Good Times!

Leland Carlson

Neil collects bricks, Kevin is a roundabout enthusiast, John runs the Apostrophe Protection Society and Keith’s actual job is watching paint dry. They are members of the Dull Men’s Club and are passionate about the everyday, unglamorous things in life. They are dull and proud and urge the good ordinary men of the nation to join them now. Whether you have a thing for pylons or rhubarb, reclaim and celebrate the ordinary. Includes Free Honorary Membership. 
 
Predictable * Reliable * Safe

Dull Men of Great Britain

Celebrating the Ordinary (Dull Men's Club)

Lucinda Clare

Sparklingly original and hugely entertaining, An English Psychic in Hollywood is the magical tale of Lucinda Clare's personal experiences as an actress and psychic among the stars of Hollywood. A cross between Jackie Collins and Bridget Jones, there is glitz and glamour mixed with dating dilemas and wardrobe malfunctions. 
 
Originally coming to LA to land her dream acting job, Lucinda soon discovers that it is her psychic abilities that make her stand out amongst the wannabe actresses. As soon as she says the magic words, 'I'm psychic!' everyone wants to talk to her, from publicists to agents, A-list film stars to borderline psychotics. 
 
Accompanied by new best friend crazy Astrid, she gradually settles in. She talks Hindu with her hairdresser, does readings for everyone from screenwriters to sex slaves and finds herself falling for the archetypal tall, dark, handsome stranger. 
 
But is he the soulmate that is meant to be in her future? Only time, some crazy pool parties and successfully predicting everyone else's happy endings will tell...

An English Psychic in Hollywood

Derek Lambert

Tired of his life as a globe-trotting journalist, and desperate to finish his latest novel, writer Derek Lambert decides to settle with his new wife and young son in a mouldering casita nestled among citrus groves inland of the Costa Blanca. 
 
As he sets about restoring his house and learning to live the ordinary life of a Spanish villager, Lambert introduces us to a Spain far removed from the tourist traps and thumping discos of the Costas, and soon discovers that adapting to this new life is not as easy as he imagined. He employs a roofer who's afraid of heights, a plumber confounded by a blocked pipe and bumbles through Spanish lessons with a mocking classmate who challenges him to a public arm-wresting contest. Then just when it seems that nothing more could go wrong, the Lamberts face Spain's first snowstorm in many years. 
 
Written in the jaunty, anecdotal style of Peter Mayle and Bill Bryson, this is a warm, affectionate and often hilarious portrait of life as a foreigner in rural Spain.

Spanish Lessons

How one family found their place in the sun

Mark Rowlands

Everything I Know I Learned From TV uses characters we all know and love and their TV worlds to explain the great questions of philosophy. The only qualifications you need to join in are ownership of a sofa, a remote control, a sense of humour and an enquiring mind. The philosophy discussed is very much 'life' philosophy, answering the questions we all want to know: How do you define what is a good life to lead? The Simpsons disagree over the right way to live with Nietzsche and Diogenes on hand to take sides. What is real happiness? Aristotle fights Descartes for the heart and mind of Sex and the City's Carrie Bradshaw. Can a good person do a bad thing? Kant and Socrates pay a call on Tony Soprano and his latter-day Mob to talk moral philosophy. Where does love end and friendship begin? Rachel and Ross ask Plato about the philosophy of emotions and wonder if they're just good friends. Is the pursuit of self-knowledge a good thing? Socrates helps Niles and Frasier Crane and their dad deal with the relative merit of the examined and the unexamined life. And much more.

Everything I Know I Learned From TV

Philosophy For the Unrepentant Couch Potato

‘Hello peoples of UK! I have create very special treat: all six classic Meerkovo Tales in one luxuriance, thrillsy collection - lucky you! Please be seat for bumper listening experience!' 
 
Will the Mysterious Knightkat defeat the evil Doctor Robogoose? 
Will Bogdan win the Meerkovian Grand Prix, despite mongoose cheating? 
Maiya has her big ballet debut with the famous Aleksandrovich Orlovski, but will her nerves get the better of her? 
Can Captain Sergei fulfil his ambition to play golf on the moon? 
Will all Vassily’s dreams come true as he makes Meerkovo rock? 
And can everyone’s favourite toymaker Yakov save Christmas when Santa Claws has an accident? 
 
From the publishers of A Simples Life comes this complete set of six new meerkat tales, including: Aleksandr and the Mysterious Knightkat, Bogdan and the Big Race, Maiya in the Beautiful Ballet, Sergei's Space Adventure, Vassily the King of Rock and Yakov Saves Christmas. 
 
Comparethemeerkat.com and comparethemarket.com are trading names of BISL.

Aleksandr Orlov presents: Meerkat Tales

Jane Austen

Mr Darcy *heart eyes emoji* Lizzie Bennet. But will she swipe right?  Delight in Austen’s  intelligent wit and piercing social commentary,  distillled and translated into the beautiful, modern  language of emoji.  Because there is no enjoyment like reading. Except maybe texting.

Pride and Prejudice & Emojis

Danny Wallace

The Lives Less Ordinary series brings you the most exciting, adventurous and entertaining true-life writing that is out there, for men who are time-poor but want the best. Lives Less Ordinary drops you into extreme first-hand accounts of human experience, whether that's the adrenaline-pumping heights of professional sport, the brutality of the modern battlefield, the casual violence of the criminal world, the mind-blowing frontiers of science, or the excesses of rock 'n' roll, high finance and Hollywood. Lives Less Ordinary also brings you some of the finest comic voices around, on every subject from toilet etiquette to Paul Gascoigne. 
 
Danny Wallace is a modern man. And that can be a very tricky thing to be these days. By rather cleverly doing the opposite of what should actually be done, let Danny show you how to catch your own fish for dinner, be a social maverick, and rise up against everyone who lets you down. And find out what 'I had a Nando's' really means. 
 
This digital bite has been extracted from Danny Wallace's brilliant book Awkward Situations for Men.

How to Be a Modern Man

Lives Less Ordinary

Ebury Press

‘Please don’t call me arrogant, but I’m European champion and I think I’m a special one.’ 
 
 Widely known for his strong personality, sharp dress sense, and eccentric comments at press conferences, there is only one José Mourinho. Regarded as many by the world’s best manager and one of the greatest of all time, he achieved huge success whilst at Benfica, Uniao de Leiria, Porto, Chelsea, Internazionale and Real Madrid. Never one to doubt his own abilities, the charismatic and controversial manager has dominated headlines with his many clashes with the press and run-ins with the football authorities. 
 
 Silver-tongued and passionate, this compendium of quotes from the ‘special one’ includes the very best of Mourinho on football: his erudite comments, bizarre philosophies, confident expressions of unwavering self-belief and his love of the beautiful game. 
 
 ‘Look, I'm a coach, I'm not Harry Potter. He is magical, but in reality there is no magic. Magic is fiction and football is real.’ 
 A warning to Real Madrid fans, 2010 
 
 ‘Look at my haircut. I am ready for the war.’ 
 At the launch of a new shirt deal between Chelsea and Adidas. The event also became a chance to unveil his new, short-trimmed haircut. 
 
 ‘I think they should get George Clooney to play me. He's a fantastic actor and my wife thinks he would be ideal.’ 
 Contemplating a film of his life

The José Mourinho Quote Book

Sue Nelson & Richard Hollingham

The Lives Less Ordinary series brings you the most exciting, adventurous and entertaining true-life writing that is out there, for men who are time-poor but want the best. Lives Less Ordinary drops you into extreme first-hand accounts of human experience, whether that's the adrenaline-pumping heights of professional sport, the brutality of the modern battlefield, the casual violence of the criminal world, the mind-blowing frontiers of science, or the excesses of rock 'n' roll, high finance and Hollywood. Lives Less Ordinary also brings you some of the finest comic voices around, on every subject from toilet etiquette to Paul Gascoigne. 
 
Everyone wants to live forever, right? Well award-winning science journalists Richard Hollingham and Sue Nelson explain how the latest cutting-edge science might mean your fantasy is closer to being true than you might believe. From advances in medicine, cryogenics and ways of preserving your consciousness, they explain all the mind-blowing options with a mix of insight and dry humour. 
 
This digital bite has been extracted from Sue Nelson and Richard Hollingham's fascinating book How to Clone the Perfect Blonde.

How to Live Forever

Hello reader! 
 
In this book is a world. A world created by two awkward guys who share their lives on the internet! 
 
We are Dan and Phil and we invite you on a journey inside our minds! From the stories of our actual births, to exploring Phil’s teenage diary and all the reasons why Dan’s a fail. Learn how to draw the perfect cat whiskers, get advice on how to make YouTube videos and discover which of our dining chairs represents you emotionally. With everything from what we text each other, to the time we met One Direction and what really happened in Vegas... 
 
This is The Amazing Book Is Not On Fire!

The Amazing Book is Not on Fire

The World of Dan and Phil

Huw Davies

In time-honoured fashion, Another Weird Year 4 brings you the stories that no lover of bizarre, inexplicable and downright hilarious news items can afford to miss, all handily grouped by theme (Love and Marriage, Law and Order, Animals etc). Read about: the blind man banned from saying 'phlegm'; the woman who bored a burglar to sleep with her family snaps; the woman who seduces men in her sleep; the man who thought he was a cat and got stuck up a tree; another man who got out of his car and took a shower... in a car wash... with his car left outside; the shepherd that had to drive his drunk sheep home; and not forgetting the pigs given a sauna and massage before being taken for slaughter - proof again from Another Weird Year that there is humanity in even the weirdest human behaviour. All the stories are true - you couldn't make them up!

Another Weird Year 4

Alena Tkach

When llife gives you llemons, make llamanade! Everything you will ever need to know in llife, you can llearn from a llama. 
 
Fluffy, funny looking, curious creatures who spit to show their disgust, what’s not to llove? Discover 120 empowering quotes and positive aphorisms alongside llight-hearted llama illustrations. This is llife llessons, llama-style. 
 
The perfect gift for all llama llovers.

Llive, Llaugh, Llove: Llike a Llama

Ann Summers

With the kind of raunchy approach you would expect from Ann Summers, this unabashed cartoon version of the world's most famous sex manual reveals the amusing truth about what really goes on in the bedroom 
 
The Kama Sutra says that sex can sometimes give us a glimpse of heaven. The Calmer Sutra demonstrates that the Elephant Posture and the Yawning can just as easily result in an embarrassing situation.

Calmer Sutra

Chuck Sambuchino

I'm every nightmare you've ever had. I am your worst dream come true! I am everything you ever were afraid of! 
 
Clowns are the scariest people on earth, and they're coming for your valuables, your children and your sanity. But fear not, herein these pages is a proven four-step system to provide you with the knowledge you need to protect yourself: ASSESS, ANALYSE, DEFEND, PROTECT. 
 
From instructions on how to defeat a clown in close combat and tips for spotting the plainclothes clown, to tutorials for fully clown-proofing your home against these painted and bewigged warriors, Chuck Sambuchino delves into the terrifying clown underworld to teach you what to do when clowns attack... because it's only a matter of time before they do.

When Clowns Attack

Jessie Cave

You might go a bit crazy but you are not alone. 
 
Let Jessie Cave's Love Sick be your love survival guide. 
 
As mentioned by Dolly Alderton and Pandora Sykes on The High Low. 
 
 Love Sick collects together Jessie Cave's most neurotic doodles to celebrate the euphoria and turmoil of modern love. From the magic of dating, lust, falling in love and true friendship to the horrors of falling out of love, ghosting, paranoia and misunderstandings - it is all here and universally familiar. 
 
 Laugh and cringe knowing that you've been there too and will probably go there again but that it's OK because so will everyone.

Love Sick

Rosemarie Jarski

Ey up, it's not only footie, pints and pies that are better up north - the humour also takes some beating. Whether it's comics like Peter Kay, Les Dawson and Victoria Wood, telly shows like Corrie and Open All Hours, or writers like Alan Bennett and Keith Waterhouse, the funniest and best-loved invariably hail from the land of perpetual drizzle (another thing they do better). 
 
This grand collection of northern wit is packed with these favourites and more. Likely lads and lippy lasses cast a wry eye on subjects close to the heart of every northerner, including - brass, grub, graft, courting, cricket, tittle-tattle and t'weather - adding up to a feast of northern hilarity.

The Wit and Wisdom of the North

Lucien Young

Watt T. Dickens

‘I have the best ghosts, everyone says so’ 
 
President Ebenezer Trump is a rich old fool, whose heart is as small as his hands and whose words are as false as his hair. On Christmas Eve, he is visited by three spirits, all intent on changing his evil ways: Bill Clinton, the jovial Ghost of Christmas Past; Barack Obama, the big-eared Ghost of Christmas Present; and the terrifying Ghost of Christmas Yet to Come, who shows him how abolishing Obamacare will finish off Tiny Tim… 
 
'This Scrooge is gonna be yooooge...'

Trump’s Christmas Carol

This brand new collection of strange news stories covers a year of hilarious-but-true gems from around the world. In this new volume of stories from the inexplicable to the downright ridiculous, the snippets are again grouped by theme (Sex, Animals, Sports, Politics etc.) and cover such tales as: a man who faked being deaf and dumb for seven years because his wife was a nag; zookeepers who were sacked for eating the animals; a clairvoyant telling the future by feeling his clients' bottoms; a Turkish woman who kept a herd of cows in her apartment; a footballer transferred for his weight in prawns; and a Canadian man arrested for not eating an iced bun. This is real life - but not as you'd expect. Prepare to be baffled.

Another Weird Year II

Bizarre news stories from around the world

Danny Wallace wanted to write about a place so special and so crucial to our existence that it had never before been tackled: the Centre of the Universe. But then he realised that getting there might be a problem, and when he did, there'd probably be nothing much to write about. Until he heard about a manhole cover, on a small street, in a small town, tucked away in a remote part of Idaho. 
 
The manhole cover had been declared the Centre of the Universe. The mayor had the science to back it up. The town rejoiced. 
 
And the name of the town? 
 
Wallace. 
 
It was a cosmic coincidence Danny couldn't resist...

Danny Wallace and the Centre of the Universe

Dan Sullivan

FOREWORD BY SIR DAVID JASON 
 
As Macbeth said to Hamlet in Midsummer Night's Dream, 'we've been done up like a couple of kippers - Del 
 
In this pukka 42-carat gold-plated bargain, you have the wit and wisdom of Del Boy, Rodney, Albert, Boycie and Trigger at your disposal. Packed with all the funniest and most memorable lines from the classic British sit-com as it turns 40, this quote book is the crème de la menthe. Never be caught short again. 
 
 
Let's face it Del, most of your phrases come out of a Citroen manual - Rodney

Peckham Patter

The Complete Wit and Wisdom of Only Fools

Chris Riddell

Bears are seriously underestimated creatures when it comes to spirituality and religious feeling. For the first time, this book recognises their huge potential and offers ursine students of Buddhism everywhere the opportunity to focus their skills and follow the path to enlightenment. From the meditation to the essential concepts of Zen, all the fundamentals are set out here in a series of concise interpretations of Buddhist teaching. Wonderfully illustrated by well-known illustrator Chris Riddell, this is the perfect gift with a difference.

Buddhism For Bears

Professor K. McCoy and Dr Hardwick

Random House presents the audiobook edition of This Audiobook Will Send You to Sleep by Professor K. McCoy and Dr Hardwick, read by Bruce Alexander. 
 
Sleep smarter 
 
This Audiobook Will Send You to Sleep makes no claims to be fun or interesting. It is an audiobook you can listen to in full confidence that you will find absolutely nothing to stimulate your brain. An audiobook, like no other, that will afford you much sleep and copious amounts of pointless knowledge. 
 
Where else will you hear about the political crisis in Belgium 2007–2011 or study the growth pattern of holly? And from where else can you find, in one place, an overview of railway gauges, a summary of the administrative bureaucracy of the Byzantine Empire and instructions for the creation of a collapsible music stand? 
 
Prepare to fall fast asleep with the most boring audiobook ever published. 
 
Includes soothing soundscape to help send you to sleep. 
 
‘The indispensable bedside classic’ Leland Carlson, Assistant Vice President of the Dull Men’s Club

This Audiobook Will Send You To Sleep

The funniest French Bulldogs in costumes from around the world, captured for pawsterity. 
 
Meet BATBULL, FRENCHIE THE POOH, SNOOP FRENCHIE FRENCH and many, many more mostly stylish, always adorably funny Frenchies in costumes.

Fancy Frenchies

French Bulldogs in Costumes

Erin Gilbert

Abby L Yates

Andrew Shaffer

**As seen in the upcoming Sony Pictures film Ghostbusters** 
 
Years before they made headlines with the Ghostbusters, Erin Gilbert and Abby L. Yates published the ground-breaking study of the paranormal, Ghosts from Our Past - now back in print! 
 
Extraordinary claims require extraordinary evidence. Whether you’re a believer or a sceptic, you’ll find the information you’re seeking right here in this extraordinary book, including: 
 
· The frightening childhood experiences that inspired Erin and Abby’s lifelong passion for the paranormal; 
· The history and science behind ghosts and other supernatural entities, with an illustrated guide to each class of spook; 
· Helpful sidebars like Is It a Ghost? A Handy Quiz, Ectoplasm Clean-up Tips, and more. 
 
With this official Ghostbusters guide in hand, you’ll be prepared for almost any spirit, spook, or spectre that comes your way. For the rest, you know who to call.

Ghosts from Our Past

Both Literally and Figuratively: The Study of the Paranormal

'Can you smell what The Rock is cooking?!' 
 
He has yet to encounter an obstacle he couldn't overcome. He's the WWE legend as eight-time champion, he's outlasted being buried up to his neck in a desert (The Scorpion King), battled the giant Tamatoa (Moana), ruthless mercenaries (Jumanji), and murderous racers (the Fast and Furious series) all thanks to his motivation and drive. 
 
Do you want to learn how to do the same? Then get inspired with this uplifting collection of quotes from the man himself on success, wrestling, fitness, family and more. 
 
What else can we say, except, you're welcome?!

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