20 of the best quotes from Artemis Fowl

It’s been two decades since Eoin Colfer first introduced us to Artemis Fowl, a 12-year-old genius hellbent on restoring his family’s fortune through various criminal enterprise – one of his most daring being to hold a fairy for ransom. Here we’ve picked out 20 quotes to celebrate 20 years of Artemis Fowl.

Puffin team
A photo of the original covers of the eight books in the Artemis Fowl series on a white background
Image: The Penguin Archive

“Trust me. I’m a genius.”
Artemis, Artemis Fowl (2001)

“Holly frowned. Artemis Fowl. For some reason, even the name made her shiver. It was a bad omen. Fairy intuition was never wrong.”
Holly Short, Artemis Fowl (2001)

“If you were me, then I'd be you, and if I were you, then I'd hide somewhere far away.”
Artemis, Artemis Fowl and the Eternity Code (2003)

“It's like learning to ride a unicorn. You never forget.”
Foaly, Artemis Fowl (2001)

“If I win, I’m a prodigy. If I lose, then I’m mad. That’s the way history is written.”
Artemis, Artemis Fowl (2001)

“Somewhere there is a constant that is not constant.”
Artemis, Artemis and the Lost Colony (2006)

“Confidence is ignorance. If you're feeling cocky, it's because there's something you don't know.”
– Foaly, Artemis Fowl (2001)

“The problem is that I know the textbook answers to any question you care to ask.”
Artemis, Artemis Fowl (2001)

“Scared was always better than dead.”
Artemis Fowl and the Arctic Incident (2002)

“And if history had taught any lessons, it was that humans couldn’t get along with anyone, even themselves.”
Artemis Fowl (2001)

“The trick to negotiation was to hold all the cards going in and, even if you didn’t, to try to look as though you did.”
Artemis Fowl (2001)

“What was it about humans and grammar? At the first sign of stress, it went out of the window.”
Opal, Artemis Fowl and the Opal Deception (2005)

“Butler could kill you a hundred different ways without use of his armoury. Though I’m sure one would be quite sufficient.”
Artemis, Artemis Fowl (2001)

“I don't suppose you would consider peaceful surrender?”
Artemis, Artemis Fowl (2001)

“There's always time for art.”
Artemis, Artemis and the Lost Colony (2006)

“That's the problem with beings of our intellect. We can argue our points of view all day without either gaining a significant advantage. That's what happens when you're a genius.”
Foaly, Artemis Fowl and the Atlantis Complex (2010)

“All magic has a price.”
Artemis Fowl and the Time Paradox (2008)

“Take it from one who knows: nobody likes a smart thief.”
Mulch Diggums, Artemis Fowl and the Time Paradox (2008)

“It wasn't that Artemis didn't believe in coincidences - he just found a series of them hard to swallow”.
Artemis Fowl and the Atlantis Complex (2010)

“There never was anyone like Artemis Fowl.”
Domovoi Butler, Artemis Fowl and the Last Guardian (2012)

An anniversary message from author Eoin Colfer

The past two decades have been the most wonderful of my life. Jackie and I have travelled the world. Our sons have grown up and I have been able to become a professional writer. All of this has been made considerably easier by a young criminal mastermind called Artemis Fowl. I could never have imagined as I wrote the first book in the baby’s bedroom surrounded by nappy paraphernalia that one day Artemis would travel to rooms all over the world and captivate so many imaginations. To be honest I still find that hard to believe.

So here we are 20 years later and the names of Artemis Fowl, Holly Short, Mulch Diggums, and of course Opal Koboi have made millions laugh and cry and jump up and down in frustration. People have grown up with Artemis and passed him onto their own children and in some cases grandchildren. I have made lifelong friends in the world of publishing and met readers from around the world. It is the very best of lives; to spend my days dreaming up stories and my evenings telling them to lovers of tales, and if I could do it all over again I wouldn’t change a thing. You could say that I have had a charmed life, but it’s been more than that; I have in fact had a Fowl life.

Happy birthday, Artemis. You are 20 now. Time to get a real job.

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