*Picked by the Observer, Stylist and Waterstones as a best non-fiction book for 2020*
When was the last time you listened to someone, or someone really listened to you?
This life-changing book will transform your conversations forever.
At work, we’re taught to lead the conversation.
On social media, we shape our personal narratives.
At parties, we talk over one another. So do our politicians.
We’re not listening.
And no one is listening to us.
Now more than ever, we need to listen to those around us. New York Times contributor Kate Murphy draws on countless conversations she has had with everyone from priests to CIA interrogators, focus group moderators to bartenders, her great-great aunt to her friend's toddler, to show how only by listening well can we truly connect with others.
Listening has the potential to transform our relationships and our working lives, improve our self-knowledge, and increase our creativity and happiness. While it may take some effort, it's a skill that can be learnt and perfected.
When all we crave is to understand and be understood, You're Not Listening shows us how.
"The premise of this book couldn't be more timely... inspiringly profound… Smart and playful... It feels like a reiteration of something essential... Murphy is here to remind us – entertainingly and compellingly – exactly why it matters so much, especially right now. Hear, hear."
"Gripping from start to finish... brilliant…extraordinarily interesting…full of meat and gold."
"Fiercely topical... You're Not Listening is an intriguing and constructive take on the problem... and a manual for better communication. Murphy’s book is intelligent and thought-provoking… Listening is when someone take a real interest in who you are…a moment of attunement and understanding that sticks in both heads. We could all do with some of that."
"It’s time for a spot of re-education... A fascinating guide to something we assume we do automatically, yet for the most part do very badly... The art of listening is really the art of being human."
"We are losing this most crucial, arguably, of our skills in the modern world... I'll be adopting Murphy's advice... and I will be employing "support" responses everywhere."
Over the next six months, we are publishing a brilliant range of debut authors, who are covering everything from the science of listening to fighting feminists to djinns and disappearing children. Then there's the secret world of fungi and a mystical realm accessed through modern Beijing. Anna Fielding talks to the writers to learn more about their upcoming releases.
Ever wished you were a better communicator? Drawing on countless conversations she’s had with everyone from priests to CIA interrogators to bartenders, Kate Murphy argues that listening has the potential to transform lives. In this extract from You’re Not Listening, she explains why she believes listening is so essential.