David Harris

As genuinely hilarious as they are genuinely useless

Life doesn’t come with an instruction manual. But if it did, and if that manual was cobbled together in five minutes by a drunken idiot-genius, then it might look something like these crowd-sourced tips and ill-thought-out ideas. Covering everything from how best to turn your cat into a fearsome stegosaurus to pre-empting jellyfish stings, this book presents the wealth of knowledge gleaned from the dusty vaults of twitter’s hugely popular @TwopTwips. 
 
 From the profane to the ridiculous, these laugh-at-loud nuggets of advice, with absurd and informative illustrations, will change your life in a hugely insignificant way. 
 
Tips include: 
 
BORED of a friend's text messages? Reply with 'unsubscribe' and they'll get the hint. 
 
SPICE up a boring salad by replacing the vegetables with bacon and placing between two slices of bread. 
 
STOP your dog from pulling on its lead by walking a bit faster. 
 
PREPARE your children for office life by acting awkwardly around them in the kitchen. 
 
AVOID the hassle and expense of hair straighteners by not eating your crusts.

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As genuinely hilarious as they are genuinely useless

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