Adrian Mole: The Collected Poems

For the first time in a single volume, the collected poems of misunderstood intellectual and tortured poet Adrian Mole.
Sue Townsend

Books

The Secret Diary & Growing Pains of Adrian Mole Aged 13 ¾

Sue Townsend

Celebrate Adrian Mole's 50th Birthday with this new double edition, featuring the first two books in the hilarious collection and see life through the spectacles of a misunderstood boy growing up in the early 1980s.

Friday January 2nd
I felt rotten today. It's my mother's fault for singing 'My Way' at two o'clock in the morning at the top of the stairs. Just my luck to have a mother like her. There is a chance my parents could be alcoholics. Next year I could be in a children's home.

Meet Adrian Mole, a hapless teenager providing an unabashed, pimples-and-all glimpse into adolescent life. Telling us candidly about his parents' marital troubles, The Dog, his life as a tortured poet and 'misunderstood intellectual', his love for the divine Pandora and his horror at learning of his mother's pregnancy, Adrian's painfully honest diary is a hilarious and heartfelt chronicle of misspent adolescence.

Features the complete texts of The Secret Diary of Adrian Mole Aged 13 ¾ and The Growing Pains of Adrian Mole.


'I not only wept, I howled and hooted and had to get up and walk around the room and wipe my eyes so that I could go on reading' Tom Sharpe

'Every sentence is witty and well thought out, and the whole has reverberations beyond itself' The Times

'Townsend has held a mirror up to the nation and made us happy to laugh at what we see in it' Sunday Telegraph

'One of the great comic creations' Daily Mirror

'The funniest person in the world' Caitlin Moran

Adrian Mole: The Collected Poems

Sue Townsend

Mole Press - a brand new imprint of Penguin Books - is proud to announce the first publication of The Collected Poems of Adrian Mole to mark the author's 50TH birthday.

'Edgy politics, tortured eroticism, misunderstood intellect, changing Britain - a whiff of the sublime. Mole's contribution is significant' Daily Telegraph

Featuring poems scattered over nearly thirty years of writing and salvaged from the diaries 'authored' by one Sue Townsend, this slim volume features more than thirty pieces of Adrian's unique art.

From his timeless first documented poem - The Tap - via classic odes to his muse, first and only true love Pandora (I adore ya), we follow Adrian's life in verse form. We not only witness his burgeoning political anger in works like Mrs Thatcher (Do you weep, Mrs Thatcher, do you weep?) but also see in later poems his merciless examination of the hollow shell of masculinity as well as documenting his declining libido in tragic pieces like To My Organ.

For the first time in a single volume, these are the collected poems of misunderstood intellectual and tortured poet Adrian Mole.

'It's really, really, really funny' David Walliams

'Wonderfully funny and sharp as knives' Sunday Times

'One of the great comic creations' Daily Mirror

'The funniest person in the world' Caitlin Moran

'I ruthlessly exploited Adrian. But he can't afford to sue me' Sue Townsend

True Confessions of Margaret Hilda Roberts Aged 14 ¼

Sue Townsend

Discover the brilliantly funny True Confessions of Margaret Hilda Roberts by Sue Townsend, 'the funniest person in the world' - Caitlin Moran, The Times

Tuesday May 24th

Had a lie in until 6am. Then got out of bed and had a brisk rub down with the pumice stone. I opened the curtains and saw that the sun was shining brightly. (A suspicion is growing in my mind that the BBC is not to be trusted.)

Margaret Hilda Roberts is a rather ambitious 14 ¼ year old grocer's daughter from Grantham. She can't abide laziness, finds four hours of chemistry homework delightful and believes she is of royal birth - or at least destined for great things. But Margaret knows that good things never come to those who wait . . .

These are the secret diary entries of a girl born into an ordinary life, yet who might just go on to become something really rather extraordinary, and she is brilliantly brought vividly to life by bestselling author Sue Townsend, Britain's favourite comic writer for over three decades.

'Essential reading for Mole followers' Times Educational Supplement

'Wonderfully funny and sharp as knives' Sunday Times

Rebuilding Coventry

Sue Townsend

From the bestselling author of the Adrian Mole series comes a brilliant, laugh-out-loud satire on modern Britain and the battle of the sexes

'There are two things that you should know about me immediately: the first is that I am beautiful, the second is that yesterday I killed a man. Both things were accidents . . .'

When Midlands housewife Coventry Dakin kills her neighbour in a wild bid to prevent him from strangling his wife, she goes on the run. Finding herself alone and friendless in London she tries to lose herself in the city's maze of streets.

There, she meets a bewildering cast of eccentric characters. From Professor Willoughby D'Eresby and his perpetually naked wife Letitia to Dodo, a care-in the-community inhabitant of Cardboard City, all of whom contrive to change Coventry in ways she could never have foreseen . . .

The Woman who Went to Bed for a Year

Sue Townsend

What happens when a duvet day turns into a duvet year?

Sue Townsend, the bestselling author of the Adrian Mole series, returns with The Woman Who Went to Bed for a Year, a funny and touching novel about what happens when someone stops being the person everyone wants them to be.

The day her twins leave home, Eva climbs into bed and stays there. For seventeen years she's wanted to yell at the world, 'Stop! I want to get off'. Finally, this is her chance.

Her husband Brian, an astronomer having an unsatisfactory affair, is upset. Who will cook his dinner? Eva, he complains, is attention seeking. But word of Eva's defiance spreads.

Legions of fans, believing she is protesting, gather in the street. While Alexander the white van man brings tea, toast and sympathy. And from this odd but comforting place Eva begins to see both herself and the world very, very differently. . .

Bestselling author Sue Townsend has been Britain's favourite comic writer for over three decades, The Woman Who Went to Bed for a Year is her hilarious new novel.

'Laugh-out-loud . . . a teeming world of characters whose foibles and misunderstandings provide glorious amusement. Something deeper and darker than comedy' Sunday Times

'She fills the pages with turmoil, anger, passion, love and big helpings of wit. It's full of colour and glows with life' Independent

'Hilarious and totally Townsend. There were parts where I laughed until I cried' Daily Mail

'Touching and hilarious. Bursting with witty social commentary as well as humour' Women's Weekly

'A funny, poignant look at modern family life' Daily Express

The Public Confessions of a Middle-Aged Woman

Sue Townsend

The Public Confessions of a Middle-Aged Woman (Aged 55¾) is a wonderful collection of non-fiction pieces, giving us an insight into Sue's hilarious world

Sue Townsend is the much-loved comic author who brought us the bestselling Adrian Mole series

Enter the world of Susan Lilian Townsend - sun-worshippers, work-shy writers, garden centre lovers and those in search of a good time are all welcome ...

This sparkling collection of Sue Townsend's hilarious non-fiction covers everything from hosepipe bans to Spanish restaurants, from writer's block to slug warfare, from slob holidays to the banning of beige.

These funny, perceptive and touching pieces reveal Sue, ourselves and the nation in an extraordinary new light. Sit back and chortle away as one of Britain's most popular and acclaimed writers takes a feather to your funny bone.


The Public Confessions of a Middle-Aged Woman (Aged 55¾) is Sue Townsend's brilliantly witty collection on non-fiction pieces.

'Anyone who loved The Secret Diary of Adrian Mole will enjoy this collection of witty and sharply observed jottings from the inimitable Sue Townsend. Great stuff' OK!

'Full of homely, hilarious asides on the absurdities of domestic existence ... What a fantastic advertisement for middle-age - it can't be bad if it's this funny' Heat

'A welcome addition to any bookshelf' Hello!

'It's as if Townsend has caught our idiosyncrasies on candid camera and is showing a rerun of all the silly clips ... the ideal dip-in-and-out book' Time Out

Sue Townsend is Britain's favourite comic author. Her hugely successful novels include eight Adrian Mole books, The Public Confessions of a Middle-Aged Woman (Aged 55¾), Number Ten, Ghost Children, The Queen and I, Queen Camilla and The Woman Who Went to Bed for a Year, all of which are highly acclaimed bestsellers. She has also written numerous well-received plays. She lives in Leicester, where she was born and grew up.

Ghost Children

Sue Townsend

Ghost Children is a compassionate and gritty examination of love and loss from one of Britain's most-loved writers, Sue Townsend

How can she leave the past behind when he won't let her?

Seventeen years ago Angela Carr aborted an unwanted child. The child's father, Christopher Moore, was devastated by the loss and he retreated from the world. Unable to accept what had happened between them both went their separate ways.

However, when Christopher makes a horrifying discovery whilst out walking his dog on the heath he finds that he is compelled to confront Angela about the past. As they start seeing each another again can they avoid the mistakes of the past? And will their future together be eclipsed by those mistakes of yesterday?


'Gripping and disturbing. Utterly absorbing' Independent

'Bleak, tender and deeply affecting. Seldom have I rooted so hard for a set of fictional individuals' Mail on Sunday

'Leaves one gasping for more' Daily Telegraph

'Engrossing, memorable and moving' Guardian

'Startling and raw' Observer

Number Ten

Sue Townsend

Number Ten is the brilliantly funny political satire by Sue Townsend, author of the Adrian Mole series

Behind the doors of the most famous address in the country, all is not well.

Edward Clare was voted into Number Ten after a landslide election victory. But a few years later and it is all going wrong. The love of the people is gone. The nation is turning against him.

Panicking, Prime Minister Clare enlists the help of Jack Sprat, the policeman on the door of No 10, and sets out to discover what the country really thinks of him. In disguise, they venture into the great unknown: the mean streets of Great Britain.

And for the first time in years, the Prime Minister experiences everything life in this country has to offer - an English cream tea, the kindness of strangers, waiting for trains that never come and treatment in a hospital - and at last he remembers some of things he once really cared about . . .

Bestselling author Sue Townsend has been Britain's favourite comic writer for over three decades.

'Wickedly entertaining. There is a gem on nearly every page. Nothing escapes Townsend's withering pen. Satirical, witty, observant ... a clever book' Observer

'Poignant, hilarious, heart-rending, devastating' New Statesman

'Hilarious. Sue Townsend's laughter is infectious' John Mortimer, Sunday Telegraph Books of the Year

Sue Townsend is Britain's favourite comic author. Her hugely successful novels include eight Adrian Mole books, The Public Confessions of a Middle-Aged Woman (Aged 55¾), Number Ten, Ghost Children, The Queen and I, Queen Camilla and The Woman Who Went to Bed For a Year, all of which are highly acclaimed bestsellers. She has also written numerous well-received plays. She lives in Leicester, where she was born and grew up.

Queen Camilla

Sue Townsend

What if being Royal was a crime?

Queen Camilla is the brilliantly funny sequel to The Queen and I by bestselling author Sue Townsend

The UK has come over all republican. The Royal Family exiled to an Exclusion Zone with the other villains and spongers. And to cap it all, the Queen has threatened to abdicate.

Yet Prince Charles is more interested in root vegetables than reigning ... unless his wife Camilla can be Queen in a newly restored monarchy. But when a scoundrel who claims to be the couple's secret lovechild offers to take the crown off their hands, the stage is set for a right Royal show down.

And the question for Camilla (and rest of the country) will be:
Queen of the vegetable patch or Queen of England?

Bestselling author Sue Townsend has been Britain's favourite comic writer for over three decades.


'Brilliantly satirical' Evening Standard

'One of our finest living comic writers' The Times

'Brilliantly funny' Closer

'Another fantastic read from Townsend' OK!

The Queen and I

Sue Townsend

The Royals, they're just like us...

The Queen and I is a hilarious satire on modern Britain and an exploration of what it really means to be human, by the bestselling author of the Adrian Mole series

THE MONARCHY HAS BEEN DISMANTLED

When a Republican party wins the General Election, their first act in power is to strip the royal family of their assets and titles and send them to live on a housing estate in the Midlands.

Exchanging Buckingham Palace for a two-bedroomed semi in Hell Close (as the locals dub it), caviar for boiled eggs, servants for a social worker named Trish, the Queen and her family learn what it means to be poor among the great unwashed. But is their breeding sufficient to allow them to rise above their changed circumstance or deep down are they really just like everyone else?

Bestselling author Sue Townsend has been Britain's favourite comic writer for over three decades.

'No other author could imagine this so graphically, demolish the institution so wittily and yet leave the family with its human dignity intact' The Times

'Absorbing, entertaining ... the funniest thing in print since Adrian Mole' Ruth Rendell, Daily Telegraph

'Kept me rolling about until the last page' Daily Mail

Sue Townsend is Britain's favourite comic author. Her hugely successful novels include eight Adrian Mole books, The Public Confessions of a Middle-Aged Woman (Aged 55¾), Number Ten, Ghost Children, The Queen and I, Queen Camilla and The Woman Who Went to Bed For a Year, all of which are highly acclaimed bestsellers. She has also written numerous well-received plays. She lives in Leicester, where she was born and grew up.

The Secret Diary of Adrian Mole Aged 13 3/4

Sue Townsend (and others)

To celebrate the 30th anniversary of the first publication of Sue Townsend's Adrian Mole, Penguin Audiobooks are re-releasing the audiobook edition of The Secret Diary of Adrian Mole Aged 13 3/4 in downloadable audio. This classic of comic fiction is hilariously read by Stephen Mangan, who played Adrian Mole in the The Cappuccino Years and also starred in The Green Wing as the hapless Guy Secretan.

Friday January 2nd

I felt rotten today. It's my mother's fault for singing 'My Way' at two o'clock in the morning at the top of the stairs. Just my luck to have a mother like her. There is a chance my parents could be alcoholics. Next year I could be in a children's home.

Meet Adrian Mole, a hapless teenager providing an unabashed, pimples-and-all glimpse into adolescent life. Writing candidly about his parents' marital troubles, the dog, his life as a tortured poet and 'misunderstood intellectual', Adrian's painfully honest diary is still hilarious and compelling reading thirty years after it first appeared.

Adrian Mole: The Prostrate Years

Sue Townsend

Celebrate Adrian Mole's 50th Birthday with this new edition of the eighth and final book in his diaries, as Adrian continues to struggle with his love life, endures a painfully awkward school play and contemplates the unsettling prospect of applying genital poultice.

Sunday 1st July
NO SMOKING DAY
A momentous day! Smoking in a public place or place of work is forbidden in England. Though if you a lunatic, a prisoner, an MP or a member of the Royal Family you are exempt.

Adrian Mole is thirty-nine and a quarter. He lives in the country in a semi-detached converted pigsty with his wife Daisy and their daughter. His parents George and Pauline live in the adjoining pigsty. But all is not well.

The secondhand bookshop in which Adrian works is threatened with closure. The spark has fizzled out of his marriage. His mother is threatening to write her autobiography (A Girl Called Shit). And Adrian's nightly trips to the lavatory have become alarmingly frequent . . .


'Effortlessly hilarious. Brilliant satire and tragedy' The Times

'A tour de force by a comic genius and if it isn't the best book published this year, I'll eat my bookshelf' Daily Mail, Books of the Year

'Hilarious. Comic gold' Sunday Times

'The funniest person in the world' Caitlin Moran

The Lost Diaries of Adrian Mole, 1999-2001

Sue Townsend

Celebrate Adrian Mole's 50th Birthday with this new edition of the sixth book in his diaries where Adrian, Leicester's most unlikely ex-con, faces the nit-infested reality of being a single parent

Monday January 3, 2000
So how do I greet the New Millennium? In despair. I'm a single parent, I live with my mother . . . I have a bald spot the size of a jaffa cake on the back of my head . . . I can't go on like this, drifting into early middle-age. I need a Life Plan . . .

The 'same age as Jesus when he died', Adrian Mole has become a martyr: a single-father bringing up two young boys in an uncaring world. With the ever-unattainable Pandora pursuing her ambition to become Labour's first female PM; his over-achieving half-brother Brett sponging off him; and literary success ever-elusive, Adrian tries to make ends meet and find a purpose.

But little does he realise that his own modest life is about to come to the attention of those charged with policing The War Against Terror . . .

'An achingly funny anti-hero' Daily Mail

'Told with Townsend's trademark deadpan humour. To people of a certain age, Adrian Mole was their Harry Potter' News of the World

'One of the great comic creations of our time. Almost every page of his diaries bring a smile to the face' Scotsman

'The funniest person in the world' Caitlin Moran

Adrian Mole and The Weapons of Mass Destruction

Sue Townsend

Celebrate Adrian Mole's 50th Birthday with this new edition of the seventh book in his diaries where Adrian falls in love, is inconvenienced by the war and faces his new nemesis: a swan from the local canal

Wednesday April 2nd
My birthday.
I am thirty-five today. I am officially middle-aged. It is all downhill from now. A pathetic slide towards gum disease, wheelchair ramps and death.

Adrian Mole is middle-aged but still scribbling. Working as a bookseller and living in Leicester's Rat Wharf; finding time to write letters of advice to Tim Henman and Tony Blair; locked in mortal combat with a vicious swan called Gielgud; measuring his expanding bald spot; and trying to win-over the voluptuous Daisy . . . Adrian yearns for a better more meaningful world. But he's not ready to surrender his pen yet...

Bestselling author Sue Townsend has been Britain's favourite comic writer for over three decades.

'Hilarious. Deft, gleeful mockery impales modish fads, from home make-overs to new-age crazes, while fiercer irony is trained on the country's involvement with Iraq' Sunday Times

'Richly comic ... stuffed full of humour, tragedy, vanity, pathos and, very occasionally, wisdom' Guardian

'Completely hilarious, laugh-out-loud, a joy' Daily Mirror

'The funniest person in the world' Caitlin Moran

Adrian Mole: The Wilderness Years

Sue Townsend

Celebrate Adrian Mole's 50th Birthday with this new edition of the fourth book in his diaries, where we catch up with a hapless Adrian and his desperate attempts to win back the love of his life

Thursday January 3rd
I have the most terrible problems with my sex life. It all boils down to the fact that I have no sex life. At least not with another person.

Finally given the heave-ho by Pandora, Adrian Mole finds himself in the unenviable situation of living with the love-of-his-life as she goes about shacking up with other men. Worse, as he slides down the employment ladder, from deskbound civil servant in Oxford to part-time washer-upper in Soho, he finds that critical reception for his epic novel, Lo! The Flat Hills of My Homeland, is not quite as he might have hoped.

But Adrian is about to discover that extraordinary and wonderful things may blossom even in the wilderness . . .

'A classic. The Adrian Mole diaries are thoroughly subversive. A true hero for our time' Richard Ingrams

'A very, very funny book' Sunday Times

'The funniest person in the world' Caitlin Moran

The True Confessions of Adrian Albert Mole

Sue Townsend

Celebrate Adrian Mole's 50th Birthday with this new edition of the third book in his diaries, as 16-year-old Adrian navigates his way into adulthood

Monday June 13th
I had a good, proper look at myself in the mirror tonight. I've always wanted to look clever, but at the age of twenty years and three months I have to admit that I look like a person who has never even heard of Jung or Updike.

Adrian Mole is an adult. At least that's what it says on his passport. But living at home, clinging to his threadbare cuddly rabbit 'Pinky', working as a paper pusher for the DoE and pining for the love of his life, Pandora, has proved to him that adulthood isn't quite what he expected. Still, without the slings and arrows of modern life what else would an intellectual poet have to write about . . .

Included here are two other less well-known diarists: Sue Townsend and Margaret Hilda Roberts, a rather ambitious grocer's daughter from Grantham.

'Wonderfully funny and sharp as knives' Sunday Times

'Essential reading for Mole followers' Times Educational Supplement

'Townsend has held a mirror up to the nation and made us happy to laugh at what we see in it' Sunday Telegraph

'The funniest person in the world' Caitlin Moran

The Growing Pains of Adrian Mole

Sue Townsend

The Growing Pains of Adrian Mole is the second book in Sue Townsend's brilliantly funny Adrian Mole series.

'If I turn out to be mentally deranged in adult life, it will be all my mother's fault.'

Adrian Mole continues to struggle valiantly against the slings and arrows of growing up and his own family's attempts to scar him for life in this second volume of his secret diary.

Bestselling author Sue Townsend has been Britain's favourite comic writer for over three decades.

'I not only wept, I howled and hooted and had to get up and walk around the room and wipe my eyes so that I could go on reading' Tom Sharpe

'A satire of our times. Very funny indeed' Sunday Times

'We laugh both at Mole and with him. A wonderful comic read, that, like all the best comedy, says something rather meaningful' Heat

Sue Townsend is Britain's favourite comic author. Her hugely successful novels include eight Adrian Mole books, The Public Confessions of a Middle-Aged Woman (Aged 55¾), Number Ten, Ghost Children, The Queen and I, Queen Camilla and The Woman Who Went to Bed For a Year, all of which are highly acclaimed bestsellers. She has also written numerous well-received plays. She lives in Leicester, where she was born and grew up.

The Secret Diary of Adrian Mole Aged 13 ¾

Sue Townsend

The Secret Diary of Adrian Mole Aged 13 ¾ is the first book in Sue Townsend's brilliantly funny Adrian Mole series.

Friday January 2nd
I felt rotten today. It's my mother's fault for singing 'My Way' at two o'clock in the morning at the top of the stairs. Just my luck to have a mother like her. There is a chance my parents could be alcoholics. Next year I could be in a children's home.

Meet Adrian Mole, a hapless teenager providing an unabashed, pimples-and-all glimpse into adolescent life. Writing candidly about his parents' marital troubles, the dog, his life as a tortured poet and 'misunderstood intellectual', Adrian's painfully honest diary is still hilarious and compelling reading thirty years after it first appeared.

Bestselling author Sue Townsend has been Britain's favourite comic writer for over three decades.

'I not only wept, I howled and hooted and had to get up and walk around the room and wipe my eyes so that I could go on reading' Tom Sharpe

'A satire of our times. Very funny indeed' Sunday Times

'We laugh both at Mole and with him. A wonderful comic read, that, like all the best comedy, says something rather meaningful' Heat

Sue Townsend is Britain's favourite comic author. Her hugely successful novels include eight Adrian Mole books, The Public Confessions of a Middle-Aged Woman (Aged 55¾), Number Ten, Ghost Children, The Queen and I, Queen Camilla and The Woman Who Went to Bed For a Year, all of which are highly acclaimed bestsellers. She has also written numerous well-received plays. She lives in Leicester, where she was born and grew up.

Adrian Mole: The Cappuccino Years

Sue Townsend

Celebrate Adrian Mole's 50th Birthday with this new edition of the fifth book in his diaries, where Adrian faces divorce, fatherhood and (short-lived) television stardom

Wednesday August 13th
Here I am again - in my old bedroom. Older, wiser, but with less hair, unfortunately. The atmosphere in this house is very bad. The dog looks permanently exhausted. Every time the phone rings my mother snatches it up as though a kidnapper were on the line.

Adrian Mole is thirty, single and a father. His cooking at a top London restaurant has been equally mocked ('the sausage on my plate could have been a turd') and celebrated (will he be the nation's first celebrity offal chef?). And the love of his life, Pandora Braithwaite, is too busy as the newly elected MP for Ashby-de-la-Zouch to notice him.

Frustrated, disappointed and undersexed, Adrian despairs until a letter from his past changes everything . . .

'With the Mole books, Townsend has an unrivalled claim to be this country's foremost practising comic novelist' Mail on Sunday

'Adrian Mole really is a brilliant comic creation. Every sentence is witty and well thought out, and the whole has reverberations beyond itself' The Times

'One of the greatest comic creations. I can't remember a more relentlessly funny book' Daily Mirror

'Three cheers for Mole's chaotic, non-achieving, dysfunctional family. We need him' Evening Standard

'The funniest person in the world' Caitlin Moran

Sue Townsend

Biography

Sue Townsend is one of Britain's favourite comic authors. Her hugely successful novels include eight Adrian Mole books, The Public Confessions of a Middle-Aged Woman (Aged 55¾), Number Ten, Ghost Children, The Queen and I, Queen Camilla and The Woman Who Went to Bed for a Year, all of which are highly-acclaimed bestsellers. Sue passed away in 2014 and is survived by her husband, four children, ten grandchildren and millions of avid readers.