Have you ever wanted Christmas to be different?
Turkey and carols, presents and crackers - they all start to feel a bit . . . samey.
How about a huge exploding mince pie, a pet abominable snowman, or a very helpful partridge in a pear tree? What if Father Christmas went to work at a zoo, or caused chaos in a toy store, or was even arrested for burglary!?
Dive into the fantastically funny world of Terry Pratchett, for a festive treat like no other. These ten stories will have you laughing, gasping and crying (with laughter) - you'll never see Christmas in the same way again.
Do you believe in magic?
Can you imagine a war between wizards, a rebellious ant called 4179003, or a time-travelling television?
Can you imagine that poor old Mr Swimble could see a mysterious vacuum cleaner in the morning, and make cheese sandwiches and yellow elephants magically appear by the afternoon?
Welcome to the wonderful world of Sir Terry Pratchett, and fourteen fantastically funny tales from the master storyteller. Bursting from these pages are food fights, pirates, bouncing rabbits and magical pigeons.
And a witch riding a vacuum cleaner, of course.
‘One of the most consistently funny writers around’
Witches are odd.
That much is clear to Tiffany. But she likes them . . . in an odd sort of way. Just as she likes Roland . . . in a friend sort of way (which most certainly isn’t odd).
But Tiffany hasn’t really got time to think about Roland, because she has accidentally danced with Winter himself – the Wintersmith.
And now the Wintersmith has a bit of a crush on Tiffany.
According to her friend Daft Wullie, if Tiffany kisses the Wintersmith (an awful thought), her nose turns blue and fall off. According to the witches, if she doesn’t shake off her admirer, there will never be another springtime . . .
Tiffany Aching is a witch alone.
Well, that’s how she feels. Everyone seems so, apart. People respect her, but also fear her. There are loads of secrets she can’t share.
And when the Baron dies, and Tiffany is framed for his murder, it’s clearer than ever that she is, well . . . not liked
Now Tiffany must journey to Ankh-Morpork, to inform the Baron’s heir, Roland, of his father’s death. But on the way she meets something that likes witches very much . . . a bit too much – an evil ball of spite and malice that has only now woken up.
And is out to get witches everywhere . . .
‘High peaks of imagination’
Tiffany Aching has finally got her wish.
She is a witch (and a respected one, at that). Overworked and underpaid, that’s for certain, but a witch nonetheless.
Help is at hand though. In the form of young Geoffrey and his goat. Geoffrey wants to be a witch too, and thinks he can save the world by building sheds. Well, everyone has to start somewhere.
But as new friends are made, and old ones return, enemies are stirring. With her beloved chalk in jeopardy, Tiffany will face the toughest challenge of her life.
There will be a reckoning . . .
‘Brilliant . . . This is a book worth reading twice in quick succession’
Tiffany Aching is going ‘into service’: to be a lady, no less, a maid in a big house. At least, this is what she tells her parents.
Really, Tiffany is going away to learn magic.
But making friends with fellow witches is always difficult when an invisible-being-that-cannot-be-killed takes over your body – stealing money, and threatening violence.
Tiffany must use all her witchy cunning to reclaim what’s hers. Luckily, she has a bit of help. What’s tiny, Scottish and blue all over? A Nac Mac Feegle of course – the rudest type of fairy, and handy to have in a tight spot . . .
‘Oodles of dry wit, imagination and shrewdly observed characters’
Independent on Sunday
2070-71. Nearly six decades after Step Day and in the Long Earth, the new Next post-human society continues to evolve.
For Joshua Valienté, now in his late sixties, it is time to take one last solo journey into the High Meggers: an adventure that turns into a disaster. Alone and facing death, his only hope of salvation lies with a group of trolls. But as Joshua confronts his mortality, the Long Earth receives a signal from the stars. A signal that is picked up by radio astronomers but also in more abstract ways – by the trolls and by the Great Traversers. Its message is simple but ts implications are enormous:
The super-smart Next realise that the Message contains instructions on how to develop an immense artificial intelligence but to build it they have to seek help from throughout the industrious worlds of mankind. Bit by bit, byte by byte, they assemble a computer the size of a continent – a device that will alter the Long Earth’s place within the cosmos and reveal the ultimate, life-affirming goal of those who sent the Message. Its impact will be felt by and resonate with all – mankind and other species, young and old, communities and individuals – who inhabit the Long Earths…
THE NUMBER ONE BESTSELLER
‘Everybody wanted the railway close, oh yes please, but not so close that they could hear it or smell it’
It’s only in dictatorships that the trains run on time. Everywhere else, signal failures, leaves on the line, the wrong type of snow and the wrong type of sunlight make departure and arrival times just a nice, idealistic theory. So when it becomes a matter of life and death to get a train somewhere on time, the odds don’t look good – especially if that somewhere is a completely new destination. The only thing that upsets people more than railway delays, after all, is building more railway. Past their back gardens. And some of those people will go to extremes to stop locomotion in its tracks…
‘British fiction’s most brilliant satire on contemporary life’
‘The most serious of comedies, the most relevant and real of fantasies…at once hilariously cynical and idealistically practical’
Tiffany wants to be a witch when she grows up.
A proper one, with a pointy hat. And flying, she’s always dreamed of flying (though it’s cold up there, you have to wear really thick pants, two layers).
But she’s worried Tiffany isn’t a very ‘witchy’ name. And a witch has always protected Tiffany’s land, to stop the nightmares getting through.
Now the nightmares have taken her brother, and it’s up to her to get him back.
With a horde of unruly fairies at her disposal, Tiffany is not alone. And she is the twentieth granddaughter of her Granny Aching: shepherdess extraordinaire, and protector of the land.
Tiffany Aching. Now there’s a rather good name for a witch.
‘Quite, quite brilliant’
THE FIRST BOOK IN THE TIFFANY ACHING SERIES
In the beginning, there was nothing but endless flatness. Then came the Carpet... That's the old story everyone knows and loves. But now the Carpet is home to many different tribes and peoples and there's a new story in the making.
The story of Fray, sweeping a trail of destruction across the Carpet. The story of power-hungry mouls - and of two Munrung brothers, who set out on an amazing adventure. It's a story that will come to a terrible end - if someone doesn't do something about it. If everyone doesn't do something about it...
Co-written by Terry Pratchett, aged seventeen, and master storyteller, Terry Pratchett, aged forty-three.
'Just because you can't explain it, doesn't mean it's a miracle.'
In the beginning was the Word. And the Word was: 'Hey, you!' This is the Discworld, after all, and religion is a controversial business. Everyone has their own opinion, and indeed their own gods, of every shape and size, and all elbowing for space at the top. In such a competitive environment, it's certainly not helpful to be reduced to appearing in the form of a tortoise, a manifestation far below god-like status in anyone's book.
In such instances, you need an acolyte, and fast: for the Great God Om, Brutha the novice is the Chosen One – or at least the only One available. He wants peace and justice and brotherly love. He also wants the Inquisition to stop torturing him now, please...
Now adapted into graphic novel form with new artwork by Ray Friesen.
2045-2059. After the cataclysmic upheavals of Step Day and the Yellowstone eruption humanity is spreading further into the Long Earth, and society, on a battered Datum Earth and beyond, continues to evolve.
Now an elderly and cantankerous AI, Lobsang lives in disguise with Agnes in an exotic, far-distant world. He’s convinced they’re leading a normal life in New Springfield – they even adopt a child – but it seems they have been guided there for a reason. As rumours of strange sightings and hauntings proliferate, it becomes clear that something is very awry with this particular world.
Millions of steps away, Joshua is on a personal journey of discovery: learning about the father he never knew and a secret family history. But then he receives a summons from New Springfield. Lobsang now understands the enormity of what’s taking place beneath the surface of his earth – a threat to all the worlds of the Long Earth.
To counter this threat will require the combined efforts of humankind, machine and the super-intelligent Next. And some must make the ultimate sacrifice . . .
‘I’ll be more enthusiastic about encouraging thinking outside the box when there’s evidence of any thinking going on inside it.’
The most quotable writer of our time, Terry Pratchett’s unique brand of wit made him both a bestseller and an enduring, endearing source of modern wisdom. This collection is filled with his funniest and most memorable words about life, the universe and snoring.
When you’re four inches high in a world full of giant people, things never go very well for long.
After running into trouble at the quarry, the nomes want to go home. The problem is, ‘home’ is somewhere up in the stars, in some sort of Ship.
Masklin must find a way to get to the ‘launch’ of a ‘communications satellite’ (whatever that is).
And so begins an incredible journey, filled with peril, planes, honking geese . . . and a walking sandwich.
The fantastically funny third book of the nomes, from the author of the bestselling Discworld series.
This is the story of Jekub, the Dragon in the Hill with great big teeth and a great loud voice.
(Well, that’s according to the nomes, but they are only four inches tall.)
When humans threaten their new home in the quarry, the natural thing would be to run and hide. But the nomes have got the wild idea that they should fight back. After all, everyone knows that nomes are faster and smarter than humans, and now they have a secret weapon . . .
The fantastically funny second book of the nomes, from the author of the bestselling Discworld series.
Unseen University are proud to present the most comprehensive map and guide to the Disc yet produced.
In this noble endeavour, drawing upon the hard won knowledge of many great and, inevitably, late explorers, one may locate on a detailed plan of our world such fabled realms as the Condiment Isles, trace the course of the River Kneck as it deposits silt and border disputes in equal abundance on the lands either side, and contemplate the vast deserts of Klatch and Howondaland - a salutary lesson in the perils of allowing ones goats to graze unchecked.
This stunning work brings to life the lands and locations of the Discworld stories in a way never seen before. Accompanied by lavish full-colour illustrations and a detailed world map, this is a must-have for any Discworld fan.
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Terry Pratchett was the acclaimed creator of the global bestselling Discworld series, the first of which,The Colour of Magic, was published in 1983. In all, he was the author of over fifty bestselling books. His novels have been widely adapted for stage and screen, and he was the winner of multiple prizes, including the Carnegie Medal, as well as being awarded a knighthood for services to literature. He died in March 2015.