Breaking up is hard to do. Especially when he's left his wife for you . . .
What to do if Matthew, your secret lover of the past four years, finally decides to leave his wife Sophie and their two daughters and move into your flat, just when you're thinking that you might not want him anymore . . .
PLAN A: Stop shaving your armpits. And your bikini line. Tell him you have a moustache that you wax every six weeks. Stop having sex with him. Pick holes in the way he dresses. Don't brush your teeth. Or your hair. Or pluck out the stray hag-whisker that grows out of your chin. Buy incontinence pads and leave them lying around.
PLAN B: Accidentally on purpose bump into his wife Sophie. Give yourself a fake name and identity. Befriend Sophie. Actually begin to really like Sophie. Snog Matthew's son (who's the same age as you by the way. You're not a paedophile). Buy a cat and give it a fake name and identity. Befriend Matthew's children. Unsuccessfully. Watch your whole plan go absolutely horribly wrong.
Getting Rid of Matthew is the sharp and hilariously funny novel from bestselling author Jane Fallon. It was also a Richard and Judy pick.
Praise for Jane Fallon:
'Intelligent, edgy and witty' Glamour
'A brilliant and original tale' Sun
'Chick lit with an edge' Guardian
Chick lit with an edge
A brilliant and original tale
Intelligent, edgy and witty
An extract from Queen Bee, the hilarious new book from Jane Fallon, the million-copy bestselling author of Faking Friends and Tell Me a Secret. Welcome to The Close - a beautiful street of mansions, where gorgeous Stella is the indisputable Queen Bee . . .
Breaking up is hard to do. Especially when he's left his wife for you... read on for an extract from Getting Rid of Matthew by Jane Fallon