How to Discuss What Matters Most

Difficult Conversations

The 10th anniversary edition of the classic guide to handling life's toughest conversations 
 
What is a difficult conversation? 
 
Asking for a pay rise, saying 'no' to your boss or spouse, confronting a friend, apologizing. We all have conversations that we dread and find unpleasant. But can we develop the skills to make such situations less stressful and more productive? 
 
Based on fifteen years of research and consultations with thousands of people, Difficult Conversations pinpoints what works. It teaches us to work through them by understanding that we're not engaging in one dialogue but three: 
 
- The "what happened" conversation (what do we believe was said and done) 
- The "feelings" conversation (the emotional impact on everyone involved) 
- The "identity" conversation (what does this mean for everyone's opinion of themselves) 
 
Use this ground-breaking, step-by-step book to turn your difficult conversations into positive, problem-solving experiences.

Douglas Stone, Bruce Patton and Sheila Heen work for the Harvard Negotiation Project at Harvard Law School.

We've all been there: We know we must talk to a colleague, our boss or even a friend about something we know will be at least uncomfortable and at worst explosive. So we repeatedly mull it over until we can no longer put it off, and then finally stumble through a confrontation when we could have had a conversation. 
 
Difficult Conversations is the definitive work on handling these unpleasant exchanges, based on 15 years of research at the Harvard Negotiation Project. It teaches us to work through them by understand that we're not engaging in one dialogue but three: the "what happened" conversation (what do we believe was said and done), the "feelings" conversation (the emotional impact on everyone involved), and the "identity" conversation (what does this mean for everyone's opinion of themselves). 
 
In a world where asking for a pay rise, saying 'no' to your boss, asking a favour or apologizing for a mistake can be a horrendous nightmare, Difficult Conversations deserves its position as a business classic.

Douglas Stone

Sheila Heen

I'll admit it: Thanks for the Feedback made me uncomfortable. And that's one reason I liked it so much. With keen insight and lots of practical takeaways, it reveals why getting feedback is so hard - and then how we can do better

Daniel H. Pink, author of To Sell is Human and Drive

Thanks for the Feedback is a road map to more self-awareness, greater learning, and richer relationships. A tour de force

Adam Grant, Wharton professor and author of Give and Take

Imagine an organisation where everyone is actually good at receiving feedback. People would learn and grow. Impossible, you say? Thanks to this insanely original and powerful book, maybe not

Judy Rosenblum, former chief learning officer of Coca-Cola and founder of Duke Corporate Education

The Science and Art of Receiving Feedback Well

Feedback is everywhere. Friends, family, colleagues, doctors, even strangers - they all assess, coach and criticize our performance, personalities and appearance. Yet although we know that feedback is essential for relationships and careers, we dread it and even dismiss it. That's because although we want to learn and grow, we also want to be accepted just as we are. 
 
Thanks for the Feedback is the first book to address this tension head on. In it, the world-renowned team behind the Harvard Negotiation Project offer a simple framework and powerful tools that show us how to take on life's blizzard of comments and advice with curiosity and grace.

Sheila Heen

Praise for Thanks for the Feedback

I'll admit it: Thanks for the Feedback made me uncomfortable. And that's one reason I liked it so much. With keen insight and lots of practical takeaways, it reveals why getting feedback is so hard - and then ...

Thanks for the Feedback is a road map to more self-awareness, greater learning, and richer relationships. A tour de force

Imagine an organisation where everyone is actually good at receiving feedback. People would learn and grow. Impossible, you say? Thanks to this insanely original and powerful book, maybe not

I'll admit it: Thanks for the Feedback made me uncomfortable. And that's one reason I liked it so much. With keen insight and lots of practical takeaways, it reveals why getting feedback is so hard - and then ...

Thanks for the Feedback is a road map to more self-awareness, greater learning, and richer relationships. A tour de force

Imagine an organisation where everyone is actually good at receiving feedback. People would learn and grow. Impossible, you say? Thanks to this insanely original and powerful book, maybe not

I'll admit it: Thanks for the Feedback made me uncomfortable. And that's one reason I liked it so much. With keen insight and lots of practical takeaways, it reveals why getting feedback is so hard - and then ...

Thanks for the Feedback is a road map to more self-awareness, greater learning, and richer relationships. A tour de force

Imagine an organisation where everyone is actually good at receiving feedback. People would learn and grow. Impossible, you say? Thanks to this insanely original and powerful book, maybe not

Books by Sheila Heen

Follow penguin

Follow ladybird

Follow puffin

Sign up to the Penguin newsletter