A Brief History of the Future

What if teleportation was really possible? Englishman Richie Fisher is about to find out ... 
 
Richie and his wife Clara have won a weekend in New York in a newspaper competition. While Clara is off blowing their spending money, Richie wanders aimlessly, chewing on a veggie-burger, ending up in a gift-shop where he finds himself standing in front of an instant transporter machine. It looks nothing like the open-plan teleporter on Captain Kirk's Starship Enterprise; in fact, it seems more like a glorified microwave oven. 
 
Richie places his burger inside, hits the return key on the linked-up computer - and the burger disappears. But if he can teleport a half-eaten veggie-burger, what else could you do with the machine? For criminals, the possibilities are endless. Who could catch you if you beamed drugs into nostrils a hundred miles away? And how much would illegal immigrants pay to be teleported into the rich host country of their choice? 
 
Richie buys a teleporter and takes it back to England, where the chaos begins ...

The hilarious first novel by the bestselling author of A Year in the Merde.

Stephen Clarke lives in Paris, where he divides his time between writing and not writing. 
 
His Merde novels have been bestsellers all over the world, including France. His non-fiction books include Talk to the Snail, an insider's guide to understanding the French; How the French Won Waterloo (or Think They Did), an amused look at France's continuing obsession with Napoleon; Dirty Bertie: An English King Made in France, a biography of Edward VII; and 1000 Years of Annoying the French, which was a number one bestseller in Britain. 
 
Research for The French Revolution and What Went Wrong took him deep into French archives in search of the actual words, thoughts and deeds of the revolutionaries and royalists of 1789. He has now re-emerged to ask modern Parisians why they have forgotten some of the true democratic heroes of the period, and opted to idolize certain maniacs. 
 
Follow Stephen on @SClarkeWriter and www.stephenclarkewriter.com

A Brit goes undercover in Brussels

Merde in Europe

THE POST-BREXIT EDITION - brand new chapters with extra EU chaos for Englishman Paul West. 
 
An Englishman, Paul West, goes to Brussels to work for a French MEP. There he gets an insider's view of what really goes on in the massive madhouse that is the EU Parliament. With the referendum on the horizon, things are even more hysterical than usual. 
 
When the Brexit result comes in, Paul has to make a decision. If he wants to work in Europe, should he apply for a French passport? 
 
But can an Englishman really become French? 
Can he sing the bloodthirsty 'Marseillaise'? 
Can he even pronounce the word 'Marseillaise'? 
 
And as Paul contemplates his own personal Brexit, the whole of Brussels seems to be going into meltdown …

One Brit in Brussels. Two French Women. And a whole lot of merde. 
The hilarious novel from Stephen Clarke, bestselling author of A Year in the Merde and A Thousand Years of Annoying the French.

Stephen Clarke brings some much-needed humour to Britain’s EU referendum debate in this entertaining novel… Clarke considers both sides of the argument and makes the debate much more accessible.

The inside story of what life is really like behind the scenes at the European Union

How the French Won Waterloo - or Think They Did

Published in the 200th Anniversary year of the Battle of Waterloo a witty look at how the French still think they won, by Stephen Clarke, author of 1000 Years of Annoying the French and A Year in the Merde. 
 
Two centuries after the Battle of Waterloo, the French are still in denial. 
 
If Napoleon lost on 18 June 1815 (and that's a big 'if'), then whoever rules the universe got it wrong. As soon as the cannons stopped firing, French historians began re-writing history. The Duke of Wellington was beaten, they say, and then the Prussians jumped into the boxing ring, breaking all the rules of battle. In essence, the French cannot bear the idea that Napoleon, their greatest-ever national hero, was in any way a loser. Especially not against the traditional enemy – les Anglais. 
 
Stephen Clarke has studied the French version of Waterloo, as told by battle veterans, novelists, historians – right up to today's politicians, and he has uncovered a story of pain, patriotism and sheer perversion ...

Published in the 200th Anniversary year of the Battle of Waterloo a witty look at how the French still think they won, by Stephen Clarke, author of 1000 Years of Annoying the French and A Year in the Merde.

Indeed, as Stephen Clarke demonstrates in this cheeky book, they have spent two whole centuries 'indulging in outrageous denial'

Clarke’s tone is larky, but his outrageously readable work is based on extensive research, with a wealth of enticing detail.

This is Waterloo as stand-up, funny and caustic by turns

1000 Years of Annoying the French

NEW UPDATED EDITION 
 
 Was the Battle of Hastings a French victory? 
Non! William the Conqueror was Norman and hated the French. 
 
Were the Brits really responsible for the death of Joan of Arc? 
Non! The French sentenced her to death for wearing trousers. 
 
Did the French write "God Save the Queen"? 
Non! But that's what they claim. 
 
Ten centuries' worth of French historical 'facts' bite the dust as Stephen Clarke looks at what has really been going on since 1066 ... 
 
Featuring new annoyances – both historical and recent – inflicted on the French, including Napoleon's "banned" chamber pot, Louis XIV's painful operation, Anglo-French jibes during the 2012 London Olympics, French niggles about William and Kate's royal wedding, and much more ...

An entirely new edition containing substantial, fresh material and up-dates to coincide with the anniversary of the Battle of Waterloo in June 2015

Was the Battle of Hastings a French victory? 
Non! William the Conqueror was Norman and hated the French. 
 
Were the Brits really responsible for the death of Joan of Arc? 
Non! The French sentenced her to death for wearing trousers. 
 
Was the guillotine a French invention? 
Non! It was invented in Yorkshire. 
 
Ten centuries' worth of French historical 'facts' bite the dust as Stephen Clarke looks at what has really been going on since 1066 ... 
 
From the Norman (not French) Conquest, to XXX, it is a light-hearted - but impeccably researched - account of all out great-fallings out. 
 
In short, the French are quite right to suspect that the last 1,000 years have been one long British campaign to infuriate them. And it's not over yet...

Relentlessly and energetically rude about almost every aspect of French history and culture

Anyone who's ever encountered a snooty Parisian waiter or found themselves driving on the Boulevard Peripherique during August will enjoy this book

Dirty Bertie: An English King Made in France

The entertaining biography of Edward VII and his playboy lifestyle, by Stephen Clarke, author of 1000 Years of Annoying the French and A Year in the Merde. 
 
Despite fierce opposition from his mother, Queen Victoria, Edward VII was always passionately in love with France. 
 
He had affairs with the most famous Parisian actresses, courtesans and can-can dancers. He spoke French more elegantly than English. He was the first ever guest to climb the Eiffel Tower with Gustave Eiffel, in defiance of an official English ban on his visit. He turned his French seduction skills into the diplomatic prowess that sealed the Entente Cordiale. 
 
A quintessentially English king? Pas du tout! Stephen Clarke argues that as 'Dirty Bertie', Edward learned all the essentials in life from the French.

The entertaining biography of Edward VII and his playboy lifestyle, by Stephen Clarke, author of 1000 Years of Annoying the French and A Year in the Merde.

A comic history which manages to combine Clarke’s brand of jaunty, bawdy humour … with being genuinely informative about French history.

How to survive in a Parisian Attic

The Merde Factor

Englishman Paul West is living the Parisian dream, and doing his best not to annoy the French. But recently things have been going très wrong: 
 
He's stuck in an apartment so small that he has to cut his baguettes in two to fit them in the kitchen. 
 
His research into authentic French cuisine is about to cause a national strike - and it could be all his fault. 
 
His Parisian business partner is determined to close their tea-room. And thinks that sexually harrassing his female employees is a basic human right. 
 
And Paul's gorgeous ex-girlfriend seems to be stalking him. 
 
Threatened with eviction, unemployment and bankrupcy, Paul realises that his personal merde factor is about to hit the fan...

The hilarious new Paul West novel from the bestselling author of A Year in the Merde and 1000 Years of Annoying the French.

Has done more for the Entente Cordiale than any of our politicians.

Edgier than Bryson, hits harder than Mayle.

Must-have comedy-of-errors diary of being a Brit abroad.

Stephen Clarke

An entertaining and eye-opening look at the French Revolution, by Stephen Clarke, author of 1000 Years of Annoying the French and A Year in the Merde. 
 
The French Revolution and What Went Wrong looks back at the French Revolution and how it’s surrounded in a myth. In 1789, almost no one in France wanted to oust the king, let alone guillotine him. But things quickly escalated until there was no turning back. 
 
The French Revolution and What Went Wrong looks at what went wrong and why France would be better off if they had kept their monarchy.

Stephen Clarke

The French Revolution and What Went Wrong

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