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Reading lists

Best quotes from Jeremy Carkson

Diddly Squat: Home to Roost

It's been another memorable year on Diddly Squat Farm - will the chickens finally come home to roost? 
Welcome back to Clarkson’s Farm . . . 
Where the spring barley crop has failed. Just like the oil seed rape. And the oats turned the colour of a hearing aid. The mushrooms went mouldy. While the sheep, pigs and cows cost more than they earned. At least, the farm shop’s doing a roaring trade in candles – even if they smell like Jeremy’s knacker hammock. 
So never mind the rain, the skirmishes with the local planning department and the gargantuan hole in Jeremy’s wallet. Because it’s hard to feel too gloomy about life when there’s a JCB telehandler, a crop-spraying hovercraft and a digger waiting in the barn. 
For any man with several metric tons of powerful machinery at his fingertips must be doing something right . . . 
Number 1 Sunday Times bestseller, October 2024

The best thing Clarkson's done . . . It pains me to say this

Even the most committed Clarkson haters will find him likeable here

Clarkson has done more for farmers in one series than Countryfile achieved in 30 years

James Rebanks, author of A Shepherd's Life

Clarkson has showcased the passion, humour and personalities of the people who work throughout the year to grow the nation's food . . . and brought an understanding of many of the issues faced by farmers to the British public

Praise for Diddly Squat: Home to Roost

Fans of the Prime TV series Clarkson's Farm will enjoy this companion

Jeremy Clarkson began his writing career on the Rotherham Advertiser. Since then he has written for the Sun, the Sunday Times, the Rochdale Observer, the Wolverhampton Express & Star, all of the Associated Kent Newspapers and Lincolnshire Life. He was, for many years, the tallest person on television. He now lives on Diddly Squat Farm in Oxfordshire where he is learning to become a farmer.

Welcome back to Clarkson’s Farm. 
The spring crop failed. Farming sheep, pigs and cows was hardly more lucrative (better off breeding ostriches…) 
 
But in the face of uncooperative weather, bureaucracy, and the world’s persistent refusal to recognise his genius, our hero’s not beaten yet. Not while the farm shop’s still doing a roaring trade in smelly candles, he isn’t. 
 
Misery loves company and in girlfriend Lisa, Farm Manager Kaleb, Cheerful Charlie and Gerald his Head of Security Jeremy’s got the best. And it’s hard to feel too gloomy with a JCB telehandler, a crop-spraying hovercraft and a digger in the barn.

Diddly Squat: Pigs Might Fly

Get tucked in to a third bestselling helping of Clarkson's Farm from our favourite wellie-wearing wannabe farmer, Jeremy Clarkson 
 'Brilliant . . . laugh-out-loud' Daily Telegraph 
 
 'Outrageously funny . . . will have you in stitches' Time Out 
 --- After three years, Jeremy Clarkson has discovered the golden rule of farming: 
 
 whatever you hope will happen, won't. 
 
 Enthusiastic schemes to diversify face defeat at the hands of the Council Planning department, or derision from Kaleb. Jeremy's plans for a business empire founded on rewilding and nettle soup are doubted by Lisa. And the stifling thickets of red tape keep only one person smiling – Cheerful Charlie, who charges by the hour. 
 
 But the animals couldn’t be happier. A rented bull called Break-Heart Maestro is delighting the cows. The pigs are bringing home the bacon. And the goats are . . . most probably psychopaths. 
 
 Yet on the good days it hard not to be optimistic. 
 Where else do you get to harvest blackberries with a vacuum cleaner? 
 
 Maybe it’s not just Break-heart Maestro who gets a happy ending? 
 
---- 
 
Readers are loving Diddly Squat: Pigs Might Fly 
 
‘Another funny book from Jeremy. This one made me chuckle but, my only complaint it's too short. I wanted more. Hopefully Another book is being written as we speak’ ***** Reader Review 
 ‘I love the show and I love the books. Both make me chuckle but have also given me an insight into farming and how hard farming is’ **** Reader Review 
 ‘I’ve read the previous books and loved those as well. 
 Witty and funny with depth and a bit of seriousness’ **** Reader Review 
 ‘Loved it, quickest book I've ever read. Can't wait for the next Clarkson instalment’ **** Reader Review

Jeremy Clarkson began his writing career on the Rotherham Advertiser. Since then he has written for the Sun, the Sunday Times, the Rochdale Observer, the Wolverhampton Express &amp; Star, all of the Associated Kent Newspapers and Lincolnshire Life. He was, for many years, the tallest person on television. He now lives on Diddly Squat Farm in Oxfordshire where he is learning to become a farmer.

Diddly Squat: ‘Til The Cows Come Home

THE NO. 1 SUNDAY TIMES BESTSELLER 
 
Head back down to Clarkson Farm with the bestseller from our favourite welly-wearing wannabe farmer, Jeremy Clarkson 
___________ 
 
Enthusiastic trainee farmer Jeremy Clarkson made just £144 in his first year at Diddly Squat Farm. This year he's determined to do better. Not because he now knows what he's doing. But because he's fed up of getting stick from Kaleb. 
 
Yet farming continues to be a challenge. 
 
For instance . . . 
· Loading a grain trailer was more demanding than flying an Apache gunship? 
· Cows were more dangerous than motor-racing? 
· It's easier to get planning permission to build a nuclear plant than to turn a barn into a restaurant? 
 
Jeremy's always got a plan. Loads of them. Often cunning. 
 
Not always greeted with wild enthusiasm by Kaleb and Cheerful Charlie, however . . . 
___________ 
 
PRAISE FOR DIDDLY SQUAT 
 
'Clarkson has done more for farmers in one series than Countryfile achieved in 30 years' James Rebanks, author of A Shepherd's Life 
 
'Clarkson has showcased the passion, humour and personalities of the people who work throughout the year to grow the nation's food . . . and brought an understanding of many of the issues faced by farmers to the British public' National Farmers Union 
 
'A deserving Farming Champion of the Year' Farmers Weekly 
 
'I don't know anything about farming. It's like David Attenborough doing jet-skiing, or Nicholas Witchell saying, "I'm going to be a cage fighter'" Jeremy Clarkson 
 
Number 1 Sunday Times bestseller, October 2022

If you want a laugh, it's Jeremy Clarkson's Diddly Squat: 'Til the Cows Come Home . . . The book will keep us going until the next TV series appears.

A Year on the Farm

Diddly Squat

Pull on your wellies, grab your flat cap and join Jeremy Clarkson in this hilarious and fascinating behind-the-scenes look at the infamous Diddly Squat Farm 
 
THE NO. 1 SUNDAY TIMES BESTSELLER 
 
'Brilliant . . . laugh-out-loud' Daily Telegraph 
'Outrageously funny . . . will have you in stitches' Time Out 
_________ 
 
Welcome to Clarkson's farm. 
 
It's always had a nice ring to it. Jeremy just never thought that one day his actual job would be 'a farmer'. 
 
And, sadly, it doesn't mean he's any good at it. 
 
From buying the wrong tractor (Lamborghini, since you ask . . .) to formation combine harvesting, getting tied-up in knots of red tape to chasing viciously athletic cows, our hero soon learns that enthusiasm alone might not be enough. 
 
Jeremy may never succeed in becoming master of his land, but, as he's discovering, the fun lies in the trying . . . 
_________ 
 
'Very funny . . . I cracked up laughing on the tube' Evening Standard 
 
Praise for Clarkson's Farm: 
 
'The best thing Clarkson's done . . . it pains me to say this' GUARDIAN 
 
'Shockingly hopeful' INDEPENDENT 
 
'Even the most committed Clarkson haters will find him likeable here' TELEGRAPH 
 
'Quite lovely' THE TIMES 
 
Diddly Squat, Number 1 Sunday Times bestseller, October 2022

Outrageously funny . . . will have you in stitches

Very funny . . . I cracked up laughing on the tube

Can You Make This Thing Go Faster?

The hilarious new collection of stories and observations from Jeremy Clarkson - setting our off-kilter world to rights with thigh-slapping wit once again. 
 
Who is that tractor-driving Gentleman Farmer? 
Has Jeremy turned into a horny-handed son of the soil? 
 
These and other perplexing questions may or may not be answered in the latest volume of Clarkson's utterly unbiased musings on life, the universe and everything in between (except cars - this isn't one of his four-wheel drive books). 
 
Inside you'll also discover why: 
· Bathing in crude oil isn't for everyone 
· People who go fishing hate their kids 
· Noise-cancelling headphones will never silence James May 
· The rambler who stole his marrow is in for it 
 
Full of fact-checked opinions and ideas so good they're no longer following the science but chasing it up a tree, Can You Make This Thing Go Faster? is one hundred per cent guaranteed Clarkson . . . 
 
 Praise for Clarkson: 
 
 'Brilliant . . . laugh-out-loud' Daily Telegraph 
 
 'Outrageously funny . . . will have you in stitches' Time Out 
 
 'Very funny . . . I cracked up laughing on the tube' Evening Standard

Outrageously funny . . . will have you in stitches

Very funny . . . I cracked up laughing on the tube

Jeremy Clarkson began his career on the Rotherham Advertiser. Since then he has written for the Sun, the Sunday Times, the Rochdale Observer, the Wolverhampton Express &amp; Star, all of the Associated Kent Newspapers and Lincolnshire Life.

These days, you might know him better as a tractor-driving Gentleman Farmer, but Jeremy Clarkson wasn't always a horny-handed son of the soil. 
 
Not at all . . . 
 
Back in the day Jeremy was far more likely to be found gunning around the world in a haze of burnt rubber and petrol fumes. But life as a globe-trotting petrol-head also meant he was forced endure more than his fair share of foolishness, frustration and downright bafflement. And, while Jeremy may not a patient man, you have to ask why anyone should have to consider issues as diverse and perplexing as: 
 
- The downsides of relaxing in a bath of crude oil 
- Why fishing is for people who hate their kids 
- Whether there are noise-cancelling headphones with the power to silence James May 
- Why saving the planet means soggy paper straws and no more children 
- What to do about the rambler who stole his marrow 
 
But as puzzling and exasperating as life on the road often seemed to be, you could always count on Jeremy to set the world to rights with a rare wit and unique understanding. And at full throttle. Just don't expect it to all go smoothly . . .

Clarkson on Cars

Jeremy Clarkson gets under the bonnet in Clarkson on Cars - a collection of his motoring journalism. 
 
Jeremy Clarkson has been driving cars, writing about them and occasionally voicing his opinions on the BBC's Top Gear for twenty years. 
 
No one in the business is taller. 
 
In this collection of classic Clarkson, stretching back to the mid-1980s, he's pulled together the car columns and stories with which he made his name. As coal mines closed and house prices exploded to a soundtrack of men in make-up playing synthesizers, Jeremy was already waxing lyrical on topics as useful and diverse as: 
 
* The perils of bicycle ownership 
* Why Australians - not Brits - need bull bars 
* Why soon only geriatrics will be driving BMWs 
* The difficultly of deciding on the best car for your wedding 
* Why Jesus's dad would have owned a Nissan Bluebird 
* And why it is that bus lanes cause traffic jams 
 
Irreverent, damn funny and offensive to almost everyone, this is writing with its foot to the floor, the brake lines cut and the speed limit smashed to smithereens. Sit back and enjoy the ride. 
 
Praise for Jeremy Clarkson: 
 
'Brilliant . . . laugh-out-loud' Daily Telegraph 
'Outrageously funny . . . will have you in stitches' Time Out 
'Very funny . . . I cracked up laughing on the tube' Evening Standard

Outrageously funny...will have you in stitches

Very funny...I cracked up laughing on the tube

Jeremy Clarkson began his career on the Rotherham Advertiser. Since then he has written for the Sun, the Sunday Times, the Rochdale Observer, the Wolverhampton Express &amp; Star, all of the Associated Kent Newspapers and Lincolnshire Life.

Jeremy Clarkson gets under the bonnet in Clarkson on Cars - a collection of his motoring journalism. 
 
Jeremy Clarkson has been driving cars, writing about them and occasionally voicing his opinions on the BBC's Top Gear for twenty years. 
 
No one in the business is taller. 
 
In this collection of classic Clarkson, stretching back to the mid-1980s, he's pulled together the car columns and stories with which he made his name. As coal mines closed and house prices exploded to a soundtrack of men in make-up playing synthesizers, Jeremy was already waxing lyrical on topics as useful and diverse as: 
 
* The perils of bicycle ownership 
* Why Australians - not Brits - need bull bars 
* Why soon only geriatrics will be driving BMWs 
* The difficultly of deciding on the best car for your wedding 
* Why Jesus's dad would have owned a Nissan Bluebird 
* And why it is that bus lanes cause traffic jams 
 
Irreverent, damn funny and offensive to almost everyone, this is writing with its foot to the floor, the brake lines cut and the speed limit smashed to smithereens. Sit back and enjoy the ride. 
 
Praise for Jeremy Clarkson: 
 
'Brilliant . . . laugh-out-loud' Daily Telegraph 
'Outrageously funny . . . will have you in stitches' Time Out 
'Very funny . . . I cracked up laughing on the tube' Evening Standard

Really?

JEREMY CLARKSON'S LATEST - AND MOST OUTRAGEOUS - TAKE ON THE WORLD 
 
CLARKSON'S BACK - AND THIS TIME HE'S PUTTING HIS FOOT DOWN 
 
From his first job as a travelling sales rep selling Paddington Bears to his latest wheeze as a gentleman farmer, Jeremy Clarkson's love of cars has just about kept him out of trouble. 
 
But in a persistently infuriating world, sometimes you have to race full-throttle at the speed-bumps. 
 
Because there's still plenty to get cross about, including: 
· Why nothing good ever came out of a meeting 
· Muesli's unmentionable side effects 
· Navigating London when every single road is being dug up at once 
· People who read online reviews of dishwashers 
· ****ing driverless cars 
 
Buckle up for a bumpy ride - you're holding the only book in history to require seatbelts . . . 
 
Praise for Jeremy Clarkson: 
 
Brilliant . . . Laugh-out-loud' Daily Telegraph 
 
'Outrageously funny . . . Will have you in stitches' Time Out 
 
'Very funny . . . I cracked up laughing on the tube' Evening Standard

CLARKSON'S BACK - AND THIS TIME HE'S PUTTING HIS FOOT DOWN 
 
From his first job as a travelling sales rep selling Paddington Bears to his latest wheeze as a gentleman farmer, Jeremy Clarkson's love of cars has just about kept him out of trouble. 
 
But in a persistently infuriating world sometimes you have to race full-throttle at the speed-bumps. 
 
Because there's still plenty to get cross about, including: 
 
· Why nothing good ever came out of a meeting 
· Muesli's unmentionable side effects 
· Navigating London when every single road is being dug up at once 
· People who read online reviews of dishwashers 
· ****ing driverless cars 
 
Buckle up for a bumpy ride - you're holding the only book in history to require seatbelts . . .

Round the Bend

Jeremy Clarkson gets really riled in Round the Bend. 
 
What's it like to drive a car that's actively trying to kill you? 
 
This and many other burning questions trouble Jeremy Clarkson as he sets out to explore the world from the safety of four wheels. Avoiding the legions of power-crazed traffic wombles attempting to block highway and byway, he he: 
 
* Shows how the world of performance cars may be likened to Battersea Dogs Home 
 
* Reveals why St Moritz may be the most bonkers town in all of the world 
 
* Reminds us that Switzerland is so afraid of snow that any flakes falling on the road are immediately arrested 
 
* Argues that washing a car is a waste of time 
 
Funny, globe-trotting, irreverent and sometimes downright rude, Round the Bend is packed with curious and fascinating but otherwise hopelessly useless stories and facts about everything under the sun (and just occasionally cars). It's Jeremy Clarkson at his brilliant best. 
 
 
Praise for Jeremy Clarkson 
'Brilliant . . . laugh-out-loud' Daily Telegraph 
 
'Outrageously funny . . . will have you in stitches' Time Out 
 
'Very funny . . . I cracked up laughing on the tube' Evening Standard

Jeremy Clarkson gets really riled in Round the Bend. 
 
What's it like to drive a car that's actively trying to kill you? 
 
This and many other burning questions trouble Jeremy Clarkson as he sets out to explore the world from the safety of four wheels. Avoiding the legions of power-crazed traffic wombles attempting to block highway and byway, he he: 
 
* Shows how the world of performance cars may be likened to Battersea Dogs Home 
 
* Reveals why St Moritz may be the most bonkers town in all of the world 
 
* Reminds us that Switzerland is so afraid of snow that any flakes falling on the road are immediately arrested 
 
* Argues that washing a car is a waste of time 
 
Funny, globe-trotting, irreverent and sometimes downright rude, Round the Bend is packed with curious and fascinating but otherwise hopelessly useless stories and facts about everything under the sun (and just occasionally cars). It's Jeremy Clarkson at his brilliant best. 
 
 
Praise for Jeremy Clarkson 
'Brilliant . . . laugh-out-loud' Daily Telegraph 
 
'Outrageously funny . . . will have you in stitches' Time Out 
 
'Very funny . . . I cracked up laughing on the tube' Evening Standard

Driven to Distraction

Jeremy Clarkson is once more Driven to Distraction. 
 
Brace yourself. Clarkson's back. 
 
And he'd like to tell you what he thinks about some of the most awe-inspiring, earth-shatteringly fast and jaw-droppingly cool cars in the world (oh, and a few irredeemable disasters...). 
 
Or he would if he could just get one or two things off his chest first. Matters such as: 
 
* The prospect of having Terry Wogan as president 
 
* Why you'll never see a woman driving a Lexus 
 
* The unforeseen consequences of inadequate birth control 
 
* Why everyone should spend a weekend with a digger 
 
Driven to Distraction is Jeremy Clarkson at full throttle. So buckle up, sit tight and enjoy the ride. You're in for a hell of a lot of laughs. 
 
Praise for Jeremy Clarkson: 
 
'Brilliant . . . laugh-out-loud' Daily Telegraph 
'Outrageously funny . . . will have you in stitches' Time Out 
'Very funny . . . I cracked up laughing on the tube' Evening Standard

I Know You Got Soul

In I Know You Got Soul, Jeremy Clarkson writes about the machines that he believes have 'soul'. 
 
It will come as no surprise to anyone that Jeremy Clarkson loves machines. But it's not just any old bucket of blots, cogs and bearings that rings his bell. In fact, he's scoured the length and breadth of the land, plunged into the oceans and taken to the skies in search of machines with that elusive certain something. 
 
And along the way he's discovered: 
 
*	The safest place to be in the event of nuclear war 
*	Who would win if Superman, James Bond and The Terminator had a fight 
*	The stupidest person he's ever met 
*	What an old Cornish institution called Arthur has to do with 0898 
chat lines 
*	And how Jean Claude Van Damme might get eaten by a lion . . . 
 
In I Know You Got Soul, Jeremy Clarkson tells stories of the geniuses, innovators and crackpots who put the ghost in the machine. From Brunel's SS Great Britain to the awesome Blackbird spy-plane and from the woeful - but inspiring - Graf Zeppelin to Han Solo's Millennium Falcon, they can't help but love them in return. 
 
Praise for Jeremy Clarkson: 
'Brilliant . . . laugh-out-loud' Daily Telegraph 
'Outrageously funny . . . will have you in stitches' Time Out 
'Very funny . . . I cracked up laughing on the tube' Evening Standard

In I Know You Got Soul, Jeremy Clarkson writes about the machines that he believes have 'soul'. 
 
It will come as no surprise to anyone that Jeremy Clarkson loves machines. But it's not just any old bucket of blots, cogs and bearings that rings his bell. In fact, he's scoured the length and breadth of the land, plunged into the oceans and taken to the skies in search of machines with that elusive certain something. 
 
And along the way he's discovered: 
 
*	The safest place to be in the event of nuclear war 
*	Who would win if Superman, James Bond and The Terminator had a fight 
*	The stupidest person he's ever met 
*	What an old Cornish institution called Arthur has to do with 0898 
chat lines 
*	And how Jean Claude Van Damme might get eaten by a lion . . . 
 
In I Know You Got Soul, Jeremy Clarkson tells stories of the geniuses, innovators and crackpots who put the ghost in the machine. From Brunel's SS Great Britain to the awesome Blackbird spy-plane and from the woeful - but inspiring - Graf Zeppelin to Han Solo's Millennium Falcon, they can't help but love them in return.

Motorworld

Jeremy Clarkson invites us to Motorworld, his take on different cultures and the cars that they drive. 
 
There are ways and means of getting about that don't involve four wheels, but in this slice of vintage Clarkson, Jeremy isn't much interested in them. 
 
Back in 1996, he took himself off to twelve countries (okay, eleven - he goes to America twice) in search of the hows, whys and wherefores of different nationalities and their relationships with cars. There were a few questions he needed answers to: 
 
* Why, for instance, is it that Italians are more interested in looking good than looking where they are going? 
* Why do Indians crash a lot? 
* How can an Arab describe himself as 'not a rich man' with four of the world's most expensive cars in his drive? 
* And why have the otherwise neutral Swiss declared war on the car? 
 
From Cuba to Iceland, Australia to Vietnam, Japan to Texas, Jeremy Clarkson tells us of his adventures on and off four wheels as he seeks to discover just what it is that makes our motorworld tick over. 
 
_____________ 
 
Praise for Jeremy Clarkson: 
 
'Brilliant . . . laugh-out-loud' Daily Telegraph 
'Outrageously funny . . . will have you in stitches' Time Out 
'Very funny . . . I cracked up laughing on the tube' Evening Standard

There are ways and means of getting about that don't involve four wheels, but in this slice of vintage Clarkson, Jeremy isn't much interested in them. 
 
Back in 1996, he took himself off to twelve countries (okay, eleven - he goes to America twice) in search of the hows, whys and wherefores of different nationalities and their relationships with cars. There were a few questions he needed answers to: 
 
* Why, for instance, is it that Italians are more interested in looking good than looking where they are going? 
* Why do Indians crash a lot? 
* How can an Arab describe himself as 'not a rich man' with four of the world's most expensive cars in his drive? 
* And why have the otherwise neutral Swiss declared war on the car? 
 
From Cuba to Iceland, Australia to Vietnam, Japan to Texas, Jeremy Clarkson tells us of his adventures on and off four wheels as he seeks to discover just what it is that makes our motorworld tick over.

What Could Possibly Go Wrong. . .

What Could Possibly Go Wrong... is the eighth book in Jeremy Clarkson's bestselling Clarkson on Cars series. 
 
There's nothing quite like messing about on four wheels. In fact, there's no better way to contemplate the madness of the world than from the driver's seat of something which is zooming by very fast indeed. 
 
Or so Jeremy Clarkson believes. 
 
For he's been pondering some really rather important matters, such as why: 
 
- God has a streak of German perfectionism 
- Crab spread beats Heston Blumenthal's rhubarb mousse 
- Monaco's billionaires are ruining the Grand Prix 
- The back of a dog tastes nicer than marzipan 
 
Someone's got to. And while a full tank and the open road might not quite reveal the meaning of life, there's certainly some fun to be had along the way . . . 
 
'Brilliant . . . laugh-out-loud' Daily Telegraph 
 
'Very funny . . . I cracked up laughing on the tube' Evening Standard 
 
'Outrageously funny . . . will have you in stitches' Time Out

Don't Stop Me Now

Jeremy Clarkson puts the pedal to the floor in Don't Stop Me Now, a collection of his Sunday Times motoring journalism. 
 
There's more to life than cars. Jeremy Clarkson knows this. There is, after all, a whole world out there just waiting to be discovered. So, before he gets on to torque steer and active suspension, he takes time out to consider: 
 
* The madness of Galapagos tortoises 
 
* The similarities between Jeremy Paxman and AC/DC's bass guitarist 
 
* The problems and perils of being English 
 
* God's dumbest creation 
 
Then there are the cars: whether it's the poxiest little runabout or an exotic, firebreathing supercar, no one does cars like Clarkson. Unmoved by mechanics&amp;rsquo; claims and unimpressed by press junkets, he approaches anything on four wheels without fear or favour. What emerges from the ashes is rarely pretty. But always very, very funny. 
 
Praise for Jeremy Clarkson 
'Brilliant . . . laugh-out-loud' Daily Telegraph 
 
'Outrageously funny . . . will have you in stitches' Time Out 
 
'Very funny . . . I cracked up laughing on the tube' Evening Standard

Jeremy Clarkson puts the pedal to the floor in Don't Stop Me Now, a collection of his Sunday Times motoring journalism. 
 
There's more to life than cars. Jeremy Clarkson knows this. There is, after all, a whole world out there just waiting to be discovered. So, before he gets on to torque steer and active suspension, he takes time out to consider: 
 
* The madness of Galapagos tortoises 
 
* The similarities between Jeremy Paxman and AC/DC's bass guitarist 
 
* The problems and perils of being English 
 
* God's dumbest creation 
 
Then there are the cars: whether it's the poxiest little runabout or an exotic, firebreathing supercar, no one does cars like Clarkson. Unmoved by mechanics&amp;rsquo; claims and unimpressed by press junkets, he approaches anything on four wheels without fear or favour. What emerges from the ashes is rarely pretty. But always very, very funny. 
 
Praise for Jeremy Clarkson 
'Brilliant . . . laugh-out-loud' Daily Telegraph 
 
'Outrageously funny . . . will have you in stitches' Time Out 
 
'Very funny . . . I cracked up laughing on the tube' Evening Standard

Born to be Riled

Born to be Riled is a collection of hilarious vintage journalism from Jeremy Clarkson. 
 
Jeremy Clarkson, it has to said, sometimes finds the world a maddening place. And nowhere more so than from behind the wheel of a car, where you can see any number of people acting like lunatics while in control (or not) of a ton of metal. 
 
In this collection of classic columns, first published in 1999, Jeremy takes a look at the world through his windscreen, shakes his head at what he sees - and then puts the boot in. 
 
Among other things, he explains: 
 
* Why Surrey is worse than Wales 
* How crossing your legs in America can lead to arrest 
* The reason cable TV salesmen must be punched 
* That divorce can be blamed on the birth of Jesus 
 
Raving politicians, pointless celebrities, ridiculous 'personalities' and the Germans all get it in the neck, together with the stupid, the daft and the ludicrous, in a tour de force of comic writing guaranteed to have Jeremy's postman wheezing under sackfuls of letters from the easily offended. 
 
Praise for Jeremy Clarkson: 
 
'Brilliant . . . laugh-out-loud' Daily Telegraph 
'Outrageously funny . . . will have you in stitches' Time Out 
'Very funny . . . I cracked up laughing on the tube' Evening Standard

The World According to Clarkson Volume 4

How Hard Can It Be?

Volume 4 in the bestselling World According to Clarkson series 
 
Jeremy Clarkson had a dream. A world where the nonsensical made sense, the idiotic was abolished and the sheer bloody brilliant was embraced. In How Hard Can It Be? our hero embarks on a quest to set the world to rights. Again. 
 
En-route he discovers how rhubarb will become the new crack, that a comb over will end anyone's quest for global domination and what unites a Filipino chambermaid in Abergavenny with Prince Andrew. 
 
For anyone who's ever woken up and thought the time has come to stop the nonsense and celebrate the sensational, read on. Because seriously, how hard can it be? 
 
Jeremy Clarkson began his writing career on the Rotherham Advertiser. He now writes for the Sun and the Sunday Times and is the tallest person working in British television.

Very funny... I cracked up laughing on the Tube

Volume 4 in the bestselling World According to Clarkson series 
 
Jeremy Clarkson had a dream. A world where the nonsensical made sense, the idiotic was abolished and the sheer bloody brilliant was embraced. In How Hard Can It Be? our hero embarks on a quest to set the world to rights. Again. 
 
En-route he discovers how rhubarb will become the new crack, that a comb over will end anyone's quest for global domination and what unites a Filipino chambermaid in Abergavenny with Prince Andrew. 
 
For anyone who's ever woken up and thought the time has come to stop the nonsense and celebrate the sensational, read on. Because seriously, how hard can it be? 
 
Jeremy Clarkson began his writing career on the Rotherham Advertiser. He now writes for the Sun and the Sunday Times and is the tallest person working in British television.

The World According to Clarkson Volume 5

Is It Really Too Much To Ask?

The fifth volume in the mega-bestselling World According to Clarkson series. 
 
Well, someone's got to do it: in a world which simply will not see reason, Jeremy sets off on another quest to beat a path of sense through all the silliness and idiocy. 
 
And there's no knowing what might catch Jeremy's eye along the way. It could be: 
-The merits of Stonehenge as a business model 
-Why all meetings are a waste of time 
-The theft of the Queen's cows 
-One Norwegian man's unique approach to showing his gratitude 
-Fitting a burglar alarm to a tortoise 
-Or how Lou Reed was completely wrong about what makes a perfect day 
 
Pithy and provocative, this is Clarkson at his best, taking issue with whatever nonsense gets in the way of his search for all that's worth celebrating. Why should we be forced to accept stuff that's a bit rubbish? Shouldn't things work? Why doesn't someone care? I mean, is it really too much to ask? 
 
It's a good thing we've still got Jeremy out there, still looking, without fear or favour, for the answers.

Well, someone's got to do it: in a world which simply will not see reason, Jeremy sets off on another quest to beat a path of sense through all the silliness and idiocy. 
 
And there's no knowing what might catch Jeremy's eye along the way. It could be: 
-The merits of Stonehenge as a business model 
-Why all meetings are a waste of time 
-The theft of the Queen's cows 
-One Norwegian man's unique approach to showing his gratitude 
-Fitting a burglar alarm to a tortoise 
-Or how Lou Reed was completely wrong about what makes a perfect day 
 
Pithy and provocative, this is Clarkson at his best, taking issue with whatever nonsense gets in the way of his search for all that's worth celebrating. Why should we be forced to accept stuff that's a bit rubbish? Shouldn't things work? Why doesn't someone care? I mean, is it really too much to ask? 
 
It's a good thing we've still got Jeremy out there, still looking, without fear or favour, for the answers.

The World According to Clarkson Volume 6

As I Was Saying . . .

Crikey, the world according to Clarkson's been a funny old place of late . . . 
 
For a while, Jeremy could be found in his normal position as the tallest man on British television but, more recently, he appears to have been usurped by a pretend elephant. 
 
But on paper the real Jeremy remains at the helm. That's as it should be. For nearly thirty years he has been fearlessly leading the charge as one the best comic writers in the country. And in 2015, he shows no sign of slowing down. 
 
So, whether it's pondering: 
 
 If Jesus might have been better off being born in New Zealand 
 Why reflexive pronoun abuse is the worst thing in the world 
 How Pam Ayres's head trumps Gordon Gecko's underpants 
 Or what a television presenter with time on his hands gets up to 
 
Jeremy is still trying to make sense of all the big stuff. 
 
Circumstances change. Nothing's forever. But As I Was Saying provides glorious proof that Jeremy remains as funny, puzzled, excitable, outspoken, insightful and thought-provoking as ever. As if you ever doubted it . . . 
 
*** 
Praise for Clarkson: 
 
 'Brilliant... laugh-out-loud' Daily Telegraph 
 
 'Outrageously funny... will have you in stitches' Time Out 
 
 'Very funny . . . I cracked up laughing on the tube' Evening Standard

Crikey, the world according to Clarkson's been a funny old place of late . . . 
 
For a while, Jeremy could be found in his normal position as the tallest man on British television but, more recently, he appears to have been usurped by a pretend elephant. 
 
But on paper the real Jeremy remains at the helm. That's as it should be. For nearly thirty years he has been fearlessly leading the charge as one the best comic writers in the country. And in 2015, he shows no sign of slowing down. 
 
So, whether it's pondering 
 
 If Jesus might have been better off being born in New Zealand 
 Why reflexive pronoun abuse is the worst thing in the world 
 How Pam Ayres's head trumps Gordon Gecko's underpants 
 Or what a television presenter with time on his hands gets up to 
 
Jeremy is still trying to make sense of all the big stuff. 
 
Circumstances change. Nothing's forever. But As I Was Saying provides glorious proof that Jeremy remains as funny, puzzled, excitable, outspoken, insightful and thought-provoking as ever. As if you ever doubted it . . .

If You’d Just Let Me Finish

Clarkson is back with a brand new book of hilarious stories and observations about our gone-wrong world. 
___________ 
 
In November 2016 we woke up to the news that the forthright presenter of a popular television programme had become the most powerful man on the planet. His name, sadly, was not Jeremy Clarkson, but we might not have been any more surprised if it had been. 
 
Because the world seems to have taken a decidedly odd turn since Jeremy last reflected on the state of things between the covers of a book. But who better than JC to help us navigate our way through the mess? 
 
And while he's being trying to make sense of it all he's discovered one or two things along the way, including 
 
- The disabling effects of being vegan 
- How Blackpool might be improved by drilling a hole through it 
- The problem with meditation 
- A perfect location for rebuilding Palmyra 
- Why Tom Cruise can worship lizards if he wants to 
 
It's all been a bit unsettling. 
 
But don't worry. If You'd Just Let Me Finish is Clarkson at his best. He may be as bemused, exasperated, amused and surprised as the rest of us, but in a world gone crazy, thank God someone has still got his head screwed on . . . 
 
Praise for Clarkson: 
 
'Brilliant . . . laugh-out-loud' Daily Telegraph 
 
'Outrageously funny . . . will have you in stitches' Time Out 
 
'Very funny . . . I cracked up laughing on the tube' Evening Standard

In November 2016 we woke up to the news that the forthright presenter of a popular television programme had become the most powerful man on the planet. His name, sadly, was not Jeremy Clarkson, but we might not have been any more surprised if it had been. 
 
 Because the world seems to have taken a decidedly odd turn since Jeremy last reflected on the state of things between the covers of a book. But who better than JC to help us navigate our way through the mess? 
 
 And while he's being trying to make sense of it all he's discovered one or two things along the way, including 
 
- The disabling effects of being vegan 
- How Blackpool might be improved by drilling a hole through it 
- The problem with meditation 
- A perfect location for rebuilding Palmyra 
- Why Tom Cruise can worship lizards if he wants to 
 
 It's all been a bit unsettling. 
 
 But don't worry. If You'd Just Let Me Finish is Clarkson at his best. He may be as bemused, exasperated, amused and surprised as the rest of us, but in a world gone crazy, thank God someone has still got his head screwed on ...

The World According to Clarkson Volume 3

For Crying Out Loud

The publication of The World According to Clarkson in 2004 launched a multi-million-copy bestselling phenomenon. But to no avail. 
 
 Jeremy's one-man war on crimes against common sense has not yet been won. And our hero's still scratching his head at the madness of it all. But it's not all bad. He's learned a little along the way, including: 
 
 Why binge drinking is good for you 
 
 The worst word in the English language 
 
 The remarkable secret of eternal youth 
 
 The pleasure and pain of middle-aged drumming 
 
 The problem with America 
 
 And how to dispose of a seal 
 
 For anyone who's ever been driven to wonder just what is the matter with people these days, For Crying Out Loud is the perfect riposte. Surprising, fearless and always laugh-out-loud funny, Clarkson's back. And he's got a point . . . 
 
 Jeremy Clarkson began his writing career on the Rotherham Advertiser. Since then he has written for the Sun, the Sunday Times, the Rochdale Observer, the Wolverhampton Express &amp; Star, all of the associated Kent Newspapers, and Lincolnshire Life. Today he is the tallest person working in British television.

Very funny . . . I cracked up laughing on the Tube

The publication of The World According to Clarkson in 2004 launched a multi-million-copy bestselling phenomenon. But to no avail. 
 
Jeremy's one-man war on crimes against common sense has not yet been won. And our hero's still scratching his head at the madness of it all. But it's not all bad. He's learned a little along the way, including: 
 
Why binge drinking is good for you 
 
The worst word in the English language 
 
The remarkable secret of eternal youth 
 
The pleasure and pain of middle-aged drumming 
 
The problem with America 
 
And how to dispose of a seal 
 
For anyone who's ever been driven to wonder just what is the matter with people these days, For Crying Out Loud is the perfect riposte. Surprising, fearless and always laugh-out-loud funny, Clarkson's back. And he's got a point . . . 
 
Jeremy Clarkson began his writing career on the Rotherham Advertiser. Since then he has written for the Sun, the Sunday Times, the Rochdale Observer, the Wolverhampton Express &amp; Star, all of the associated Kent Newspapers, and Lincolnshire Life. Today he is the tallest person working in British television.

The World According to Clarkson Volume 2

And Another Thing

Everyone knows that Jeremy Clarkson finds the world a perplexing place - after all, he wrote a bestselling book about it. Yet despite the appearance of The World According To Clarkson, things don't seem to have improved much. However, Jeremy is not someone to give up easily and he's decided to have another go. 
 
In And Another Thing, our exasperated hero discovers that: 
 
He inadvertently dropped a bomb on North Carolina 
 
We're all going to explode at the age of 62 
 
Russians look bad in Speedos. But not as bad as we do. 
 
No one should have to worry about being Bill Oddie's long lost sister 
 
He should probably be nicer about David Beckham 
 
Thigh-slappingly funny and - as ever - in your face, Jeremy Clarkson bursts the pointless little bubbles of the idiots while celebrating the special, the unique and the sheer bloody brilliant ...

Everyone knows that Jeremy Clarkson finds the world a perplexing place - after all, he wrote a bestselling book about it. Yet despite the appearance of The World According To Clarkson, things don't seem to have improved much. However, Jeremy is not someone to give up easily and he's decided to have another go. 
 
In And Another Thing, our exasperated hero discovers that: 
 
 He inadvertently dropped a bomb on North Carolina 
 
 We're all going to explode at the age of 62 
 
Russians look bad in Speedos. But not as bad as we do. 
 
 No one should have to worry about being Bill Oddie's long lost sister 
 
He should probably be nicer about David Beckham 
 
Thigh-slappingly funny and - as ever - in your face, Jeremy Clarkson bursts the pointless little bubbles of the idiots while celebrating the special, the unique and the sheer bloody brilliant ...

Jeremy Clarkson

Clarkson’s farm is the gift that keeps on giving, and now our hero has decided to bring his misunderstood entrepreneurial flair to bear on a new venture: a pub. Let the doors open on The Farmer’s Dog. 
 
All British produce, Hawkstone beer on tap, a private bar for farmers and a vintage tractor hanging from the ceiling. The perfect country pub. But as the Cotwolds’ newest publican quickly discovers, there’s a lot more to landlording than pulling pints. 
 
Just as well, then, that he still has Lisa, Kaleb, Cheerful Charlie and Gerald to help him through...

Jeremy Clarkson

Books by Jeremy Clarkson

Series by Jeremy Clarkson

Diddly Squat5 Books

The World According to Clarkson6 Books

Articles featuring Jeremy Clarkson

Best quotes from Jeremy Carkson

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