An Almost Perfect Christmas

"I vowed from a young age never to cook a turkey and I never have - unless you count turkey mince (which you don't). I've seen the damage turkeys can do and the tyrannical hold they have over otherwise robust, rational people and my mother. My mother is not a foodie. But for as long as I can remember, once a year, she becomes possessed of a profound and desperate need to serve up a perfect roast turkey. Faced with a walk into the village though, she might think 'oh, fuck it' and decide to get a frozen one from Bejams on the 23rd and leave it to defrost in the downstairs toilet for not quite 48 hours."

From dry turkeys to Christmas pudding fires, from the perfect present for teacher to the risks and rewards of re-gifting, Nina Stibbe offers her inimitable wisdom and humour on the most wonderful time of the year.