Collection of Rotten Adult Principles

C.R.A.P.

An hilarious review gloriously exposing adult hypocrisies, written especially for kids by witty social and historical commentator, John Farnham.

John Farman attended Harrow Art School followed by the Royal College of Art. After completing his Masters degree he worked in the advertising industry until his departure to become a full-time writer and illustrator. He is the author of several children's books, including The Very Bloody History of Britain (without the boring bits), The Very Bloody History of London, C.R.A.P. (A Collection of Rotten Adult Principles) and Jesus: The Teenage Years. He lives in London.

SEX, DRUGS, EDUCATION, POLITICS, SPORT, MARRIAGE, MEDICINE . . . 
 
C.R.A.P. dishes the dirt on the way your elders and 'betters' fumble with the big issues affecting YOU. Think about it - it's YOUR LIFE and adults (richer, more powerful, and in total control) get all the airtime. 
 
It's time for teens to turn . . . 
 
John Farman's revolutionary C.R.A.P. exposes the social hypocrisy, political fact-twisting, conspiratorial networks, 'holier than thou' clap-trap and concealed cock-ups of our do-as-I-say-and-not-as-I-do elders.

The Short And Bloody History Of Pirates

Have you ever wondered why pirates wore gold earrings, or where the saying 'sick as a parrot' came from? And do you know wh the cruellest pirate in history was? John Farman's got all the answers, so come aboard for his short and bloody history of the day-to-day life of pirates!

Ah ha me hearties. So you're thinking of running away to experience life on a gorgeous pirate galleon. Well, before you book your one-way ticket be warned - a pirates life isn't all fish and chips and treasure troves.From parrot poo to woodworm in the wooden leg, a life on the ocean wave wasn't all plain sailing, you know. For starters there were the disease-ridden ships and the disgusting food. Not to mention all the other pirates out there just itching to try out their latest tortures. This book will tell you the terrible truth about life as a pirate. So before you go and nail your colours to the mast, perhaps you'd better have a look . . .

The Short And Bloody History Of Knights

Have you ever wondered how knights managed to walk, let alone fight, covered from head to foot in metal? And have you heard about the knights who became addicted to jousting? Or the one who was rescued by a monkey? It's all in John Farman's brilliant book. So arm yourself for a fact attack!

Generally regarded as a gentlemanly profession, after extensive research John Farman has discovered the terrible truth about the life of your average Knight. To start with there's the uniform. A suit of armour not only cost the earth in medieval times but it probably weighed more than a small planet when you put it on. Best not to mention the chain-mail underwear that was considered the height of fashion at the time. There was danger involved in everything a Knight was asked to do. Saving maidens was no mean feat (sometimes they didn't want to be saved!) and jousting might have made a nice day out for all those bored princesses and peasants but lances were pretty lethal, especially if you can't see where you're going in your visor. And I haven't even begun to tell you the real truth about dragons

The Short And Bloody History Of Spies

Psst! Do you know how to make invisible ink or send a coded message? And have you heard about the pope who was a spy? John Farman's been doing some spying of his own and has uncovered all the answers in this fantastic book. But beware, this message will self-destruct in five seconds!

Listen carefully, I shall say this only once.' 
 
John Farman has been doing some espionage of his own and has uncovered the secrets that they teach spies for their own survival. This top security information will separate the rats from the moles. Spying is an ancient profession, and there have been some very exotic characters to exercise this art. From the true, Mata Hari, to the completely fictional, James Bond, there's a glamorous aura to spies and the job they do but never fear, our intrepid author will expose the truth and as always, it's not what you would expect. 
 
This message will self-destruct in five seconds.

The Very Bloody History Of London

Without the Boring Bits! Farman brings London's history to life for readers of all ages.

When a man is tired of London, he is tired of life... - Samuel Johnson 
 
Let John Farman, author of the mega-bestselling title The Very Bloody History of Britain, guide you round one of the world's most famous cities, London. Packed with multitudes of facts to entertain and amaze you, The Very Bloody History of London will take you on a tour you will never forget. Sometime's grisley, but always fascinating, this is history as it should be - loads of fun!

The Short & Bloody History Of Ghosts

Have you heard about the ghost bus that drives through London? Or seen the vampire who haunts Highgate cemetery? And would you know how to behave if you met a ghost? It's all in John Farman's spooky book of ghosts, poltegeists, vampires and things that go bump in the night! 
 
Open if you dare?

The Last Bit!

The Very Bloody History Of Britain, 2

A hilarious guide to the Very Bloody History of Britain from 1945 to the year 2000.

John Farman makes history hysterical in this must-have companion volume to the best-selling THE VERY BLOODY HISTORY OF BRITAIN: THE FIRST BIT! 
 
It's the wittiest and wackiest chronicle of modern British history you'll find - ranging from post-war rationing, through the glut of the Thatcher yuppy years to the new millenium.

The Short And Bloody History Of Highwaymen

Have you ever wondered what highwaymen did did during the day? Or who the most dangerous highwayman was?  John Farman delivers all the answers in this short and bloody history of highwaymen!

Did you know that highwaymen used to be 'as common as crows'? So where did they all come from? And what happened to them? This hilarious book will stand and deliver the terrible truth about the gentlemen of the road. What they ate, where they lived, and what happened to them if they were caught. If you've ever fancied life as a highwayman, then take a look inside!

Jesus - The Teenage Years

A cheeky but affectionate look at the missing teenage years of Jesus' life.

John Farman's bookfull of belly-laughs is guaranteed to be more amusing than RE classes

Everyone knows the story of Jesus' birth, and everyone knows how he died, right? But what about the bit in between - those formative teenage years? No-one knows if Jesus had crises with spots, girls or parents . . . until now. 
 
John Farman, author of the bestselling The Very Bloody History of Britain, takes a cheeky but affectionate look at those missing years in Jesus' life. You think you've had teenage-type problems to contend with? Wait till you read what Jesus had to go through!

John Farman

The First Bit!

Warning: This book could change your ideas about history for ever!! 
 
Do you know why the Celts got the best girls? Or who had his portrait painted after he was dead? And have you any idea who planned the first Channel Tunnel? From the dawn of civilization to the end of the Second World War, it's all here in the factually accurate and hilariously funny Very Bloody History of Britain. 
 
Bizarre, barmy and almost beyond belief, you've never had a history lesson like it!

John Farman

Books by John Farman

Follow penguin

Follow ladybird

Follow puffin

Sign up to the Penguin newsletter