Recipes for romance. Image: Flynn Shore/Penguin
Every year Valentine’s Day rolls around, inevitably prompting us to reflect on the state of our love lives. Perhaps you’re being whisked away on a romantic retreat with your beau, perhaps you’ve forgotten about it entirely, perhaps you’re nursing a heartbreak, or perhaps you're celebrating being single.
While pink hearts and date nights take over the Western world on 14th February, checking in with your hopes, priorities, and contentment in relationships is a lifelong commitment – and rarely something that can be helped by the closing scenes of a rom-com .
With that in mind, here is a list of brilliant, insightful and inspiring books that can help you to better understand what you need from – and what you bring to – the romantic relationships in your life.
Right, let’s start at the deep end. If you’re broken-hearted or recovering from a difficult relationship or breakdown, this book will scoop you up, set the facts straight and help you to move on. LalalaLetMeExplain is the anonymous pseudonym of a qualified social worker and dating and relationships expert whose frank and accessible advice has won her some 250,000 Instagram followers. Block, Delete, Move On is a dating book that teaches you how to spot problematic behaviour and avoid it, so that you can get on with living your best life.
It's no secret that modern dating is a bit of a minefield, but if there's anyone who can help us navigate it, it's matchmaker and Tinder's resident relationship expert Paul Brunson. From attachment styles, to spotting red and green flags, to understanding the personal and environmental factors that shape our relationships, Find Love is a warm and informative guide to the world of romance and commitment. And for those who think they've found 'the one', Brunson has developed a Long-Term Relationship Satisfaction Scale quiz, to help gauge your compatibility.
Click here to read an extract from Find Love about the pros and cons of online dating .
Perhaps your relationship is totally fine. Wholly unremarkable. Puttering along quite happily, with its quirks and routines as comfortingly familiar as favourite pair of slippers. In which case, The Course of Love could offer some depth and honesty to something that might deserve a bit of attention. The bestselling modern-day philosopher charts a perfectly ordinary love story: a couple who move from dating to marriage, to having children and having affairs. Along the way, he offers insight into the glue that keeps a relationship together – and where to carve space to light a new spark.
Thirty years have passed since author and anthropologist Gary Chapman released his book, The Five Languages – and yet it still regularly turns up in the New York Times bestseller list. Why? Because The Five Languages tells us not only why people fall in love, but also why we fall in love – and how to better align our needs in relationships. Turns out the secret to a meaningful connection can be as simple as understanding whether your loved one prioritises quality time over taking the bins out.
In this Sunday Times bestseller, psychotherapist and author Philippa Perry tackles the thorny topic of relationships in all their forms. From finding (and keeping) love, to establishing meaningful bonds and a strong sense of self, to navigating conflict, loss, and change, this book is a compassionate guide to learning more about yourself and the connections you forge with those around you.
In essence, love is about people and how those people act, think and feel. And a good place to understand that is in turning the mirror back on ourselves. Five-time New York Times bestseller Brené Brown turns her engaging eye to the 87 emotions and experiences that define what it means to be human. Offering a new language and framework to construct meaningful connection, Atlas of the Heart could allow you to see love in a whole new light.
When it comes to love, it can be difficult to feel in control, regardless of where you are on your relationship journey. But, argues spiritual guide Giselle La Pompe-Moore, you can take charge of making the most of your life by harnessing inner strength through everyday spirituality. Take It In combines personal anecdote, practical exercises and delicious no-nonsense advice to help steer you past the self-criticism and inner negative narratives and into a realm of feeling ready for whatever happens in your love life.
In the aftermath of a break-up – or even just a spectacular row – it can be very easy to sit and pick over who said what, or who started it, or who should have said sorry. Paul McKenna made his name as a life-changing hypnotherapist, and after 30 years of bestselling experience, he’s applying his knowledge and expertise to love. This is a practical book, set on fixes, practical solutions and tools for personal change – perfect for the reader who’s had enough of bad love.
We know that sexual connection and chemistry is, for many of us, a major component of romantic love, but what does that look like, exactly? In this warm, compassionate, and inclusive guide, sex educator Emily Nagoski discredits commonly-held ideas of what it means to establish, nurture, and maintain a fulfilling sex life in a long-term relationship – covering everything from sex positivity to pleasure and emotional wellbeing.
If you’re still searching for the kind of love you see in the movies, then Natasha Lunn can relate. The journalist spent years feeling that love – the kind that makes people kiss in the rain – just wasn’t for her, so she decided to ask people about it. From Dolly Alderton and Philippa Perry to Lisa Taddeo and Roxane Gay, Lunn’s interviews with fascinating people are bolstered by her own love stories to create this deeply feeling bestseller. Whatever stage of life – or love – you’re in, you’ll be sure to benefit from it.
Sometimes you’ve got to take matters into your own hands. Queen of Manifesting Roxie Nafousi set 2022 alight with her essential handbook to making you feel more empowered in your life. While manifesting can be applied to all sorts of things – from your career to your home – it can also help cupid to strike as you feel more empowered and emboldened more generally.
Love is great, but what’s often overlooked are the foundations: solid interpersonal skills. In this book, David Bradford and Carole Robin dramatically challenge the ideas of how you not only perceive yourself, but also others. Tutors from the legendary ‘Interpersonal Dynamics’ course at Stanford Graduate School of Business, the pair know best how to empower you with key skills such as building trust and navigating conflict. Connect won’t just change your love life, it’ll re-shape how you see all of your relationships.
If you want to foster an emotional connection with someone, you've got to understand your own emotions. Leonard Mlodinow debunks decades of belief that controlling our emotions is the key to success. Instead, the author and academic argues that how we feel is just as important as how we think when it comes to success - whether that's in our careers, homes or love lives.
